Sidney has a problem with premature ejaculation

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1. A dubious remedyA man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, «When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.» That same day the man went to the store ... Читать далее...
2. SufferingA young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, «My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.» The counselor turns to her husband and inquires «Is that true?» The husband replies «Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.»...
3. Перевод слова remedyRemedy — лекарство, средство, мера Перевод слова Remedy for pollution — средство борьбы с загрязнением household remedy — домашнее средство remedy against poison — противоядие Building more roads isn’t always the best Remedy for traffic congestion. Строительство новых дорог не всегда является лучшей мерой борьбы с автомобильными пробками. Everyone swears by her Remedy for a ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова shelfShelf — полка; шельф, отмель Перевод слова Shelf stand — стеллаж a whole shelf of classics — целая полка классиков continental shelf — континентальный шельф shelf ice — шельфовый лед Put the vase on the Shelf. Поставьте эту вазу на полку. Please reach me down that book on the high Shelf. Достань мне пожалуйста вон ... Читать далее...
5. The Presidential watchesA man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called «the George Bush Watch» and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says — «you are suppose to read his lips». He then looks at a watch called the «Ross Perot Watch» ... Читать далее...
6. A man walks into a jewellers shopA man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: «I’m sorry Sir, this is a clock shop not a cock shop.» «Well, put two hands and a face on this.» replies the man....
7. Fortunate ingenuityA little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, «Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.» The grandfather replies, «I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to ... Читать далее...
8. A Purple HeartA decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова purplePurple — пурпурный цвет, фиолетовый, лиловый Перевод слова Purple sunset — багряный закат to turn purple with rage — побагроветь от ярости purple brown — темно-пурпуровый цвет Its colour is dark red, verging into Purple. Его цвет темно-красный, переходящий в багровый. The sun tinted the clouds with red and Purple. Солнце окрасило облака в красные ... Читать далее...
10. Cronin goes to a barber shop to get his hair cutCronin goes to a barber shop to get his hair cut. The barber cuts his hair, and after he gets done, as Cronin gets up and is taking out his money, the barber goes over and takes a leak in the corner of the barber shop. The barber finishes and comes back. As Cronin hands ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова excitedExcited — взволнованный, возбужденный, оживленный Перевод слова An excited crowd — возбужденная толпа an excited buying and selling of stocks — оживленная купля-продажа ценных бумаг excited state — возбужденное состояние Stop getting so Excited! Перестань так волноваться! I’m so Excited about the trip! Я так потрясена путешествием! She felt Excited and quite gay. Она чувствовала ... Читать далее...
12. One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume partyOne year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were. When one couple arrived he announced «Mickey and Minnie Mouse». As the next couple arrived he announced «Tarzan and Jane» and so on as each guest arrived. ... Читать далее...
13. A bartender was getting ready to close for the nightA bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, «This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!» The scared bartender pleads, «Don’t shoot, please! I’ll do as you say!» The robber yells, «Shut ... Читать далее...
14. Please show the I. DThe following supposedly a true story. This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the ... Читать далее...
15. A Mistake in the Hotel BillHotel clerk: Here’s the Bill for your four-night stay. Would you like the Incidentals charged to your credit card? May: Incidentals? I think there’s some mistake. I didn’t order any Pay-per-view movies and I never ordered room service. And, I didn’t have any Spa services, either. Hotel clerk: Are you sure? We show three movies ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы on the shelf[on the shelf] {adv.} or {adj. phr.}, {informal} Laid aside; notuseful anymore. When a girl grows up, she puts childish habits onthe shelf. Mr. Myron’s company put him on the shelf when hereached the age of 65....
17. Ordering Food DeliveryOrder clerk: Hello, Torino’s Restaurant. Nancy: Hello, I’d like To place a Delivery order. Order clerk: Can I have your address and the Major cross streets, please? Nancy: It’s 1212 Main Street, and the nearest cross streets are Speedway and Highland. Order clerk: Okay, it looks like you’re in our Delivery area. What would you ... Читать далее...
18. A Jewish lady named Mrs. RosenbergA Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort — one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, «Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.» The Jewish lady said, «But your sign says that you have vacancies.» ... Читать далее...
19. Ghost sexAt a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, «Who here has ever seen a ghost?» Most of the hands go up. «And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?» About half the hands stay up. «OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with ... Читать далее...
20. Main Vice PresidentTom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, «Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!». «Really?» ... Читать далее...
21. A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peersA drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some «real» musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says «I’ll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion.» The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies «OK, ... Читать далее...
22. Picking up a Rental CarRalph: I have a Reservation for a car. Clerk: What is the last name on the reservation? Ralph: It’s Furcal. Clerk: Just one moment. I have a reservation for Ralph Furcal, picking up today and returning on the 19th. Ralph: Yes, that’s right. I reserved an Economy car. Clerk: We do have an economy car ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова clerkClerk — клерк, администратор Перевод слова Bank clerk — банковский служащий correspondence clerk — корреспондент telegraph clerk — телеграфист He Clerks in a supermarket. Он работает продавцом в супермаркете. The Clerk recorded their names in the register. Клерк записал их имена в реестр. The Clerk was well bounced for his carelessness. За халатность клерку сурово ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы stay put[stay put] {v. phr.} To stay in place; not leave. Harry’s fathertold him to stay put until he came back. The rocks can be glued tothe bulletin board to make them stay put. After Grandmother camehome from her trip to visit Aunt May, she said she wanted to stay putfor a while....
25. A guy was driving down the road in his YugoA guy was driving down the road in his Yugo during a thunder storm, when his windshield wiper broke. He drives until he comes to an auto body shop. He goes into the shop, walks up to the counter and says, «Excuse me, but could you give me a windshield wiper for my Yugo?» The ... Читать далее...
26. A department storeA really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: ... Читать далее...
27. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the PhoneClerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back ... Читать далее...
28. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the PhoneClerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back ... Читать далее...
29. A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious itemsA man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with «WWJD» printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn’t figure it out, so he asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for ... Читать далее...
30. Buying a BicycleI went to the Bike shop On Saturday morning to buy a bicycle. Clerk: What kind of bike are you looking for? Lance: I’m really not sure. Clerk: Well, let me show you what we have. We carry Road bikes, mountain bikes, beach cruisers, and Racing bikes. Lance: I’m going to start biking to work. ... Читать далее...
31. Buying a BicycleI went to the Bike shop On Saturday morning to buy a bicycle. Clerk: What kind of bike are you looking for? Lance: I’m really not sure. Clerk: Well, let me show you what we have. We carry Road bikes, mountain bikes, beach cruisers, and Racing bikes. Lance: I’m going to start biking to work. ... Читать далее...
32. Slight confusionOne night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,»Honey, can you go over ... Читать далее...
33. Perfect customerA man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, «I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with ... Читать далее...
34. What Not to Name Your DogEverybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog «Sex». When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said «I’d like one too.» But then I said «This is a dog.» He said he didn’t care what she looked ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы warm one’s blood[warm one’s blood] {v. phr.} To make you feel warm or excited. When the Bakers came to visit on a cold night, Mr. Harmon offeredthem a drink to warm their blood....
36. Checking into a HotelI Flew into Atlanta the afternoon before a Big meeting. I Hailed a taxi at the airport and told the driver the name of the hotel. I asked him How long it would take to get there. He said it would only be 20 minutes. I sat back and relaxed. We got to the hotel ... Читать далее...
37. Honeymooned!A young couple from the country honeymooned at a really fancy ocean-side resort. because they knew it would be expensive, they had planned to limit their stay to just the weekend, but were just unable to leave, enjoying themselves and each other so much, and extended their stay another day. Upon checking out, the desk ... Читать далее...
38. The MohelThis woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn’t read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. She goes in and hands the man her clock. The man says, «Madam, I ... Читать далее...
39. Two AA batteriesWoman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, «Come this way,» and heads towards the back of the store. «If I could come that way,» she tells the retreating clerk, «I wouldn’t need the batteries.»...
40. Save the dead rabbitA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...