Seventy year old George went for his annual physical

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1. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, “So how has life been treating you?” The old man replies,”The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when […]...
2. There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, and young George was pretty excited. “Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?” asked George. “George, relax. Here is how it works. We’ll wait […]...
3. Former George Harrison, Eric Clapton Muse Pattie Boyd Spills the Beans Pattie Boyd reveals details on her relationships with George Harrison and Eric Clapton in an autobiography. Legendary rock muse Pattie Boyd, who inspired Eric Clapton “Layla” and “Wonderful Tonight,” and, reputedly, George Harrison’s “Something,” is coming out with an autobiography, Wonderful Today, and doing interviews on her relationships with two of rock’s leading men. The […]...
4. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked […]...
5. George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. “I’ll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,” answers the President. “But sir, what about the mad cow?!!” asks the waiter. “Oh,” answers Dubya, “she’ll order for herself.”...
6. George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked, “Aren’t you Moses?” But the man wouldn’t listen to him and continued walking. […]...
7. Playtonic relationship A nosey neighbour remonstrated with the woman in the adjoining apartment. “Mrs Smith, do you think it is right that a seventeen year old boy spends three hours every night in your apartment?” Mrs Smith replied. “Its a platonic friendship. Its play for him and a tonic for me.”...
8. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard I George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard I Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re […]...
9. George Washington George Washington (1732-1799) won a lasting place in American History as the “Father of our Country”. For nearly twenty years he guided his country much as a father cares for a growing child. Washington lived an exciting life in exciting times. As a boy, he explored the wilderness. When he grew older, he helped the […]...
10. During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. “Doctor,” she replied shyly, “I just can’t undress in front of you.” “All right,” said the physician, “I’ll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you’re through.” In a few moments, her voice rang out […]...
11. A man went to the doctor to get a physical A man went to the doctor to get a physical, after the doctor examined him, he told the man he had some bad news… he had cancer and alzheimers. The man replied, ” Well, at least I don’t have cancer”...
12. A man was taking his wife A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, “Don’t worry, everybody […]...
13. One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, “I did that by accident.” She replied, “I know that, daddy.” He replied, “How’d you know?” The girl said, “Because you didn’t say ‘ASSHOLE!’ afterwards!”...
14. Ghosts in a White House One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Clinton asked. “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. “Tom, […]...
15. Types of Views Andrea: Help me decide on which type of hotel room To book. George: I want the one with a bed. Andrea: Very funny. We have a choice of different views, and each one is a different price. For instance, a room with a City view is $175 a night and a Panoramic view is $275 […]...
16. An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. “It did? I’m sorry to hear that,” she replied. Two days later, Mr. […]...
17. I was out with one of my best drinking buddies I was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said, “Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is… well… my wife knows nothing of my wants and needs… she’s hardly ever in the mood for sex… I guess what […]...
18. One night, an 87-year-old woman One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to […]...
19. Staying in a Vacation Rental George: I’m kind of nervous staying in a Vacation rental for the first time. Marnie: Don’t worry. Before I Booked this unit, I checked it out thoroughly. It’s Pet-friendly and Kid-friendly, and it Sleeps six, so it’ll be perfect for the whole family. George: But there won’t be the same Amenities or services as a […]...
20. Перевод слова light-year Light-year – световой год Перевод слова He estimated the distance to the center of the chamber as about a Light-year. Расстояние до центра зала показалось ему длиною в световой год. People could just up and go anywhere they wished, on their own-a mile or a million Light-years. Люди смогут переноситься по желанию куда захотят, не […]...
21. Preventing Shoplifting Luis: Wow, what happened here? I was only away on vacation for two weeks. Thelma: While you were gone, we Redesigned this store with an Anti-theft system. Luis: Is that why there are Surveillance cameras and Security guards everywhere? Thelma: That’s right. We’re losing too much money to Shoplifters and I’m finally doing something about […]...
22. Reward for goodness Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, […]...
23. A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said. “Can we leave now?” “No,” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” […]...
24. Marriage counseling A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, we’ll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,” the husband explained. “She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts.” He continued, “She communicates well and […]...
25. A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moooo!” Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, “Bud.”...
26. Don’t Forget! An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor […]...
27. The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man’s oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked “How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?” The old man […]...
28. The third wish A young man fell in a pit one day, and found a magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie said, ‘I will grant you three wishes.’ The man’s first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** He was instantly transported out. He then wished for all the gold in the […]...
29. Starting a New School Year Mom: It’s your first day at a new school. I’m worried about you. Paul: Mom, I’ll be fine. Mom: Do you have all of your books and Supplies in your Backpack? Oh and I’ve Packed you a lunch already. Paul: You didn’t have to do that, Mom. I was going to buy lunch at school. […]...
30. The three wishes An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when–all of a sudden–a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. “Well, now,” says the old lady, “I guess I would like to be really […]...
31. Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old. He walks into the local bar when he gets back from his honeymoon, and all the guys want to hear about his wedding night. Jake says, “Well, when we got to the hotel, my youngest son carried me up the stairs, undressed me, and lifted […]...
32. Перевод слова relationship Relationship – взаимоотношения, родство Перевод слова Legal relationship – правоотношение intimate relationship – близкие отношения to sever relationship – порвать отношения Our Relationship is built on trust. Наши отношения построены на доверии. They have a stable Relationship. У них крепкие отношения. We officialized our Relationship. Мы узаконили наши отношения. Происхождение слова relationship Образовано от слова...
33. Значение идиомы let George do it [let George do it] {v. phr.}, {informal} To expect someone else todo the work or take the responsibility. Many people expect to letGeorge do it when they are on a committee. Compare: PASS THE BUCK....
34. Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. “Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting […]...
35. A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. “Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored […]...
36. A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, “I have a headache.” “Perfect” her husband said. “I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository,… it’s up to you!”...
37. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
38. 74-year-old attacks cars that run light A retired teacher has become an Internet sensation after he lobbed dozens of bricks at cars that ran a red light at an intersection in Lanzhou, Gansu province. “I just want to catch people’s attention and tell the drivers to think of pedestrians,” the 74-year-old man told Lanzhou Morning Post on Saturday. Many residents in […]...
39. 97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed 97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed. He says “Doc, I think I’m impotent.” Doctor sits him down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some decrease in sexual desire. How the […]...
40. A 70-year-old man has never been married A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him, “So, tell me, how was it?” “Oh, it was beautiful,” says the man. “The […]...