Ghosts in a White House

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1. Helping this country One night, Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. Clinton saw him and asked, “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised George. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the […]...
2. Candidate Clinton vs President Clinton Candidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the […]...
3. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, “Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.” “What did it say on the banners?” Clinton asks. Saddam replies, “Allah is god, god is Allah.” Clinton says, “You know, Saddam, I […]...
4. Giuseppi walks into work, and he says Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, “Ey, Tony! You know who’s-a George Washington?” Tony says, “No, Giuseppi, who’s-a George Washington?” He says, “Hah! George-a Washington’s the first-a President of – a United States. I’m-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U. S.-a citizen.” A couple of days later, Giuseppi […]...
5. Ghost sex At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?” Most of the hands go up. “And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?” About half the hands stay up. “OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with […]...
6. Clinton country A guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV go’s on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells, “There’s a horses ass” A guy gets up and punches him.. And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said […]...
7. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” […]...
8. Значение идиомы sleep off [sleep off] {v. phr.} To sleep until the effect of too much alcoholor drugs passes. George had too many beers last night and he is nowsleeping off the effects....
9. Значение идиомы sleep on [sleep on] {v.} To postpone a decision about. We asked Judy ifshe would join our club and she answered that she would sleep on it. We will have to sleep on your invitation until we know whether wewill be free Monday night....
10. Save the country A woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and scarf and says, “I received your emergency phone call, Mrs. Clinton, and came right away, but what could “I” possibly do to save the country?” Mrs. Clinton: “Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit…”...
11. Retiring Abroad Wanda: I just heard the news. You’re moving to McQuillanland? George: I am. I’ve decided To retire abroad. Wanda: Why? George: It makes a lot of sense for people with a Fixed income. Social Security will Only go so far here, but the Cost of living is much lower in other countries, including McQuillanland. I […]...
12. A little girl came running into the house crying A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. “Why do you want cider?” asked Mom. “To take the pain away,” sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little […]...
13. Types of Views Andrea: Help me decide on which type of hotel room To book. George: I want the one with a bed. Andrea: Very funny. We have a choice of different views, and each one is a different price. For instance, a room with a City view is $175 a night and a Panoramic view is $275 […]...
14. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, “Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!”. She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks […]...
15. Bill Clinton’s haircut Before his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, “How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?” Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him […]...
16. One day Clinton goes to the bathroom One day Clinton goes to the bathroom, pulls down his pants, and much to his amazement, he finds a red ring around his penis. So the next day he goes to his physician and the doctor says, “I cant figure out what it is. So I’ll give you some medicine, and if it doesn’t work, […]...
17. An Unwanted House Guest About a month ago, my friend Richard called me and asked if he could come Stay with me for a couple of weeks. I usually don’t like having House guests, but Richard was a good friend. He’s an artist and he was thinking about moving to L. A. He wanted to see if he could […]...
18. There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, and young George was pretty excited. “Sam, Sam, can I go down to those heifers over there?” asked George. “George, relax. Here is how it works. We’ll wait […]...
19. Привидения/ Ghosts На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Ghosts Привидения In every culture there are myths and legends which tell stories about supernatural creatures, ghosts. It is considered that ghost or phantom is a spirit of dead man who has an unfinished business or as some sources tell angry spirit which is eager to revenge. In […]...
20. Acronyms for Clinton Clinton: (C)razed (L)ow-class (I)diot (N)ow (T)aking (O)ver (N)ation Clinton: (C)razy (L)iberal (I)ntent (O)n (N)eedlessly (T)rashing (O)ur (N)ation Clinton: (C)learly (L)oose (I)nternal (N)avigation (T)echniques (O)ccupy (N)ever-Neverland Clinton: (C)ompulsive (L)iar (I)s (N)ation’s (T)op (O)fficial (N)ow Clinton: (C)omplete (L)oser (I)n (N)ow (T)errorizing (O)ur (N)ation Hillary: (H)ighly (I)nexperienced (L)eft-liberal (A)cademic (R)ighteous (Y)uppies Gore: (G)ennifer’s (O)nly (R)emaining (E)nterprise Gore: (G)reatly […]...
21. Значение идиомы ghost of a [ghost of a] Least trace of; slightest resemblance to; smallest biteven of; a very little. Usually used with “chance” or “idea” innegative sentences, or with “smile”. There wasn’t a ghost of achance that Jack would win. We didn’t have the ghost of an ideawhere to look for John. The teacher scolded Harold for drawing afunny […]...
22. Abraham Lincoln (2) Abraham Lincoln was the son of a poor farmer. He was born in 1809 and his childhood was spent in hard work. He helped his father on their small farm. But in 1816, when Abraham was only 7 years old, his father lost his farm and his family moved to another part of the country. […]...
23. Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates Clinton died and was standing at hte Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “‘It’s me, Bill Clinton.” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and […]...
24. Перевод слова ghost Ghost – приведение, призрак, дух Перевод слова The ghost of Hamlet’s father – тень отца Гамлета to see a ghost – видеть привидение ghost image – фантомное изображение not the ghost of a chance – ни малейшего шанса A long rambling Ghost story. Длинная путаная история про привидения. Hope is against the holy Ghost. Надежда […]...
25. The Shop of Ghosts на английском языке писателя G. K. Chesterton Nearly all the best and most precious things in the universe you can get for a halfpenny. I make an exception, of course, of the sun, the moon, the earth, people, stars, thunderstorms, and such trifles. You can get them for nothing. Also I make an exception of another thing, which I am not allowed […]...
26. Three acurate guesses One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up behind an older woman, covered her eyes with his hands, and said, “I’m going to kiss you if you can’t tell me who I am in three guesses.” She quickly answered, “George Washington! Thomas Jefferson! Abraham Lincoln!”...
27. Seventy year old George went for his annual physical Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, “George everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?” George replied, “God and me are tight. We […]...
28. Clinton at the parade The May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992’s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had […]...
29. Photographer works There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk – the ghost which ‘lived’ there was feared by all. However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, […]...
30. Значение идиомы give up the ghost [give up the ghost] {v. phr.} To die; stop going. After a longillness, the old woman gave up the ghost. The motor turned over afew times and gave up the ghost....
31. A good student It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his […]...
32. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, “Are you ready to order?” Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.” “A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is […]...
33. How did you do that?? Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. “Well, Morrie, how’s your warehouse business going?” . “Oy vey, Abraham, it’s not going so good, we had a flood last week.” “So, Morrie,” whispers Abraham “How do you start a flood?”....
34. Перевод идиомы sleep like a log / sleep like a baby / sleep like a top, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: sleep like a log / sleep like a baby / sleep like a top Перевод: спать крепким, здоровым сном Пример: I slept like a log last night. Прошлой ночью я спал, как убитый....
35. Значение идиомы put to sleep [put to sleep] {v. phr.} 1. To cause to fall asleep. Mother usedto put us to sleep by telling us a good-night story and giving us akiss. 2. To kill with an injection. Dr. Murphy, the veterinarian, put our sick, old dog to sleep....
36. Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95 Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95. Isaac is incredulous. ‘Pop,’ he says, ‘you can’t run Windows 95 on your old, slow 386. Everyone knows that you need at least a fast 486 with a minimum of 16 megs of memory in order to multitask effectively with Windows 95.’ But Abraham, the man […]...
37. Перевод слова reduce Reduce – сокращать, снижать, уменьшать, ослаблять Перевод слова To reduce expenditure – сокращать расходы to reduce taxes – снижать налоги to reduce pain – облегчать боль We have been able to Reduce our tax bill by 10%. Мы сумели уменьшить сумму налога на десять процентов. The medicine Reduces the risk of infection. Это лекарство снижает […]...
38. Bill Clinton Statue Committee 1040 Waffle Street Little Rock, Arkansas 72208 Dear Friend; We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D. C. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was […]...
39. Avoiding Topics in Conversation Lila: Why aren’t you dating? I have so many friends who would love to go out with you. George: Let’s Change the subject. Talking about my Love life isn’t very interesting. Lila: But really, you’re not getting any younger and… George: Moving on! Have you seen any good movies lately? Lila: Listen, all of your […]...
40. Mrs. Jones is having her house painted Mrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall. The next day, she says to the painter, “You wanna see where my husband put his hand last night?” He sighs and says, “Look, lady, I got a tough day’s work ahead of me. […]...