Rolls Royce vs. Yugo

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1. A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!” The driver of Rolls looks […]...
2. A guy was driving down the road in his Yugo A guy was driving down the road in his Yugo during a thunder storm, when his windshield wiper broke. He drives until he comes to an auto body shop. He goes into the shop, walks up to the counter and says, “Excuse me, but could you give me a windshield wiper for my Yugo?” The […]...
3. A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow $200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says ‘I’ve got a Rolls Royce – keep it until the loan is paid off – here are the keys.’ Six months later the man comes […]...
4. Two guys are driving through Texas when Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that? The trooper says, “You’re in […]...
5. A policeman was patrolling near midnight A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He […]...
6. Try to get some rest A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on […]...
7. Blonde on blonde A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally […]...
8. Перевод идиомы be in the driver’s seat, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: be in the driver’s seat Идиома: be in the driver’s seat Перевод: находиться у руля, держать рычаги власти, иметь контроль над ситуацией Пример: Money and talent will put you in the driver’s seat – in control. Деньги и талант поставят тебя у руля – все будет под контролем....
9. A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever […]...
10. Значение идиомы in the driver’s seat [in the driver’s seat] {adv. phr.} In control; having the power tomake decisions. Stan is in the driver’s seat now that he has beenmade our supervisor at the factory....
11. Persistency Act A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field. Ten years go by, and one day he hears a […]...
12. Значение идиомы have nothing on [have nothing on] or [not have anything on] {v. phr.} Not to be anybetter than; to have no advantage over. Susan is a wonderfulathlete, but when it comes to dancing she has nothing on Mary. Even though he is older, John has nothing on Peter in school. Although the Smiths have a Rolls Royce, they […]...
13. During WW II an American soldier During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not […]...
14. Значение идиомы backseat driver [backseat driver] {n.}, {informal} A bossy person in a car who always tells the driver what to do. The man who drove the car became angry with the back seat driver....
15. A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, “If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.” The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. […]...
16. One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the – influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat […]...
17. A veterinarian surgeon A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. At about 2:00 in the morning, […]...
18. Now he’s in trouble A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, “what’s the problem officer?” To which the policeman responded, “I stopped you for running that red light behind you.” Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and […]...
19. New family driver Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get […]...
20. These two guys are car pooling home from work one day These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. “Look”, he shouts “What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?” The […]...
21. Find out about the cat The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A chauffeur worked for a woman who took her cat with her on rides. During one trip, the driver droped her at a mall before he gasing up. The cat remained in […]...
22. Giving Awards and Congratulations Part of my job as school principal is to hand out Awards and Scholarships to students. We recently had a Ceremony To do just that. _________ Principal: Miguel, I want To commend you for your work this year and Congratulate you for winning the science award. It is Well deserved. The Recipient of this year’s […]...
23. BUY YUGO WAR BONDS For $25 US dollars you can invest in the future of a developing country just out of the clutches of communism. What your $$$ buyz: Russian ammo for one freedom fighter for one month for the ethnic clensing! Their motto: I wanns be like Ike! A little behind the times, BUT! They model themselves after […]...
24. Woman is on a bus A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.” In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and […]...
25. This snow plow driver from North Dakota This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married. He and his new Bride prepared for their wedding nite. He watched for a while as she spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in preparation for their love making. She finally announced that she was ready. The man then asked if […]...
26. Перевод слова driver Driver – водитель, шофер Перевод слова Co-driver – водитель-напарник drink driver – водитель, управляющий автомобилем в нетрезвом виде learner driver – лицо, обучающееся вождению He’s a rotten Driver. Водитель из него никакой. He is a careful Driver. Он осторожный водитель. He is a pretty awful Driver. Он довольно ужасный водитель. Происхождение слова driver Образовано от […]...
27. An extremely loyal fan There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself “what a waste” he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, “Is […]...
28. Deaf lady in trouble One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his […]...
29. The Mohel This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn’t read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. She goes in and hands the man her clock. The man says, “Madam, I […]...
30. Taking a Test Drive Mario: I’d like To test drive the new Racer. Leah: Sure, all Prospective buyers can take one of our cars for a test drive. May I see your Driver’s license? Mario: Here it is. Leah: Okay, come with me. Why don’t you get into the Driver’s seat and I’ll get into the Passenger seat? All […]...
31. Перевод слова cool Cool – прохладный, свежий; крутой, классный Перевод слова Cool wind – свежий ветер keep cool! – не горячись!, успокойся! you look real cool in that new dress – ты круто выглядишь в этом новом платье We were in the Cool shadow of the mountain. Мы находились в прохладной тени горы. Cool before drinking. Охладить перед […]...
32. Taking the Bus in Los Angeles I just moved to L. A. and don’t have a car. Everybody says that you can’t Get around this city without one, but I wanted to Prove them wrong. I asked my neighbor to take me to the downtown Bus station so I could try taking the bus home. She thought I was crazy but […]...
33. Wooden back houses This joke has been done 50 (yes, 50) years ago by my father-in-law. First, a little background: He lived in a small village, north-west of Quebec City along the St-Laurent river. In those days, toilets were located outside the house in what we call in good ol’ french canadian ‘becosse’, from ‘back house’ I think. […]...
34. Love Jesus By Dennis DiPasquale The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light […]...
35. Перевод сленгового выражения backseat driver, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: backseat driver Перевод: кто-либо, кто дает непрошенные советы; кто-либо, кто пытается быть главным и отдавать приказы, без наличия на то права или полномочий Пример: Rob is the worst back seat driver I know – he’s always telling me what to do. Роб жутко любит командовать – он постоянно указывает мне, что делать. I […]...
36. He’s drunk at the bar One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his […]...
37. Types of Luggage Driver: Ma’am, where would you like these suitcases? Leona: The three Wheeled suitcases should go next to the bed, and the Garment bag should be Hung up In the closet. Where is my Expandable bag? Driver: Do you mean this Duffel bag? Leona: Yes. You can leave that right there. Hmm, where is my Carry-on? […]...
38. At The Superbowl Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium – he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat […]...
39. A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could. ‘God,’ he prayed, ‘I really want a car.’ Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty. ‘God,’ he prayed again, ‘I really NEED a car.’ Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into […]...
40. Перевод слова seat Seat – сиденье, место, стул Перевод слова A car with four seats – четырехместная машина please, take a seat – садитесь, пожалуйста garden seat – садовая скамейка This Seat is engaged. Это место занято. Is this Seat free? Это место свободно? Dibs on the front Seat! Чур, я на переднем сиденье! Примеры из жизни В […]...