A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow

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1. A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!” The driver of Rolls looks […]...
2. Rolls Royce vs. Yugo A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!” The driver of the Rolls looked over and […]...
3. Перевод слова borrow Borrow – занимать, брать на время Перевод слова To borrow heavily – влезать в долги to borrow money – занимать деньги to borrow long – взять долгосрочную ссуду They are always Borrowing from us. Они все время берут у нас деньги взаймы. We Borrowed the car. Мы одолжили эту машину. Can I Borrow your pen […]...
4. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think […]...
5. Bank Teller Bank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account”. “Please sir”, she replies, “we can’t have language like that in here.” “Why the Fuck not?” he asked. “Sir,” Came her retort, “I must ask you to refrain from swearing.” “I […]...
6. Fair business Here’s one about the old native American who wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, “What are you going to do with the money?” “Take jewlery to city and sell it,” was the response. “What have you got for collateral?” “Don’t know collateral.” “Well that’s something of value that would […]...
7. Перевод слова bank Bank – банк Перевод слова Bank borrowings – займы, получаемые в банке counterfeit bank-note – фальшивый банкнот to deposit money in a bank – внести деньги в банк My Bank balance isn’t good. Состояние моего банковского счета оставляет желать лучшего. The Bank bounced the cheque. Банк вернул чек. Our Bank merged with theirs. Наш банк […]...
8. Значение идиомы borrow trouble [borrow trouble] {v. phr.} To worry for nothing about trouble that may not come; make trouble for yourself needlessly. Don’t borrow trouble by worrying about next year. It’s too far away. You are borrowing trouble if you try to tell John what to do. Compare: ASK FOR, CROSS ONE’S BRIDGES BEFORE ONE COMES TO THEM, […]...
9. A man goes to his bank manager and says A man goes to his bank manager and says “I’d like to start a small business how do I go about it?” The bank manager leans back and clasps his hands together on his gut and replies “Buy a big one and wait”...
10. Understanding Interest Rates Kerry: I need to take out a small business loan and I’m trying to figure out what the Interest rate would be. Do you understand this stuff? Oscar: If it’s the same as a Mortgage loan, then I think I understand it In general terms. The interest rate would be the percentage of the amount […]...
11. Talking to a Bank Teller Bank Teller: Can I help you? Antonio: Yes, I’d like To deposit this Check. Bank Teller: Please fill out a Deposit slip and be sure To endorse the check on the back. Antonio: Here you are. I’ve already filled out a slip and signed the check. I’d also like To cash this other check. Bank […]...
12. I’m at the wrong bank Letterman’s Top Ten Signs You’re Doing Business With The Wrong Bank 10. When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other. 9. After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house begging for toast. 8. Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon. 7. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks […]...
13. Значение идиомы loan shark [loan shark] {n. phr.} A money lender who charges excessiveinterest. Why go to a loan shark when you can borrow from the bankat the legal rate?...
14. Edward walks out of a bar Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. “Can I help you, fella?”, asks the cop. “Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!” Edward replies. The cop asks, “Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?”. “It […]...
15. Значение идиомы laugh all the way to the bank [laugh all the way to the bank] {v. phr.} To have made asubstantial amount of money either by lucky investment or by somefraudulent deal and rejoice over one’s gains. If you had done whatI suggested, you, too, could be laughing all the way to the bank....
16. Значение идиомы bank on [bank on] {v.}, {informal} To depend on; put one’s trust in; rely on. He knew he could bank on public indignation to change things, if he could once prove the dirty work. The students were banking on the team to do its best in the championship game. Syn.: COUNT ON....
17. A helping hand Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around […]...
18. Changing Money I was at the airport to pick up my friend Sandra, who was visiting from Italy. Gustavo: Do you Have everything? Sandra: Yes, I think so. But, I don’t have any U. S. dollars. Where can I Change money? Can I do that here? Gustavo: You could, but I wouldn’t Recommend it. The Exchange rate […]...
19. Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the barman Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi’s and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks […]...
20. George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. “I’ll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,” answers the President. “But sir, what about the mad cow?!!” asks the waiter. “Oh,” answers Dubya, “she’ll order for herself.”...
21. Types of Bank Accounts Luiz: Where are you going? Iona: I’m going to the bank to open an account. Luiz: What kind of account: a Savings account, a Checking account, or a CD? Iona: Um, I’m not sure, but I’m sure someone at the bank can help me decide. Luiz: You’ll also need to decide if you want an […]...
22. A guy walks into a post office A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes […]...
23. A customer walks into a pharmacy A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don’t stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he […]...
24. Touring Washington A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?” The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. […]...
25. A man walks into a pub The following was contributed by Emil: A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman, “cor! I’ve just had my first blow-job and it was great! – I’ll have a large whiskey please, barman.” The man takes his whiskey and downs it. “Same again?” asks the barman. “Okay” […]...
26. This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop. An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he’ll give her a ride home. On the way he looks her over and says “You’re a pretty good looking old broad. I’ll […]...
27. Значение идиомы have nothing on [have nothing on] or [not have anything on] {v. phr.} Not to be anybetter than; to have no advantage over. Susan is a wonderfulathlete, but when it comes to dancing she has nothing on Mary. Even though he is older, John has nothing on Peter in school. Although the Smiths have a Rolls Royce, they […]...
28. A woman walks into her accountant’s office and A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks […]...
29. Little girl walks into the bathroom A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks “What’s that?” Her sister replies “That is my possum, sis!” The young girl replies “Oh, OK” The next day she sees her mother get out of the […]...
30. Matt Damon, Ben Affleck paid for auditions from joint bank account “When I look back at that, a 16 and 14 year old, we were really young to be taking the bus by ourselves to New York and spending a day going to an audition – we were living adult lives as teenagers,” Damon said. Matt Damon has revealed that he shared a bank account with […]...
31. A duck walks into a general store A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,”Got any fresh fruit?” “No.” “Got any fresh vegetables?” “No. We have only canned and dry goods.” The next day, the duck returns. “Got any fresh fruit?” “No.” “Got any fresh vegetables?” “No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If […]...
32. At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, “Will we have to fight a World War Three?” “Yes, comrades, looks like […]...
33. In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, “Just what the hell you are doing?” “Well,” said the guy, “you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you […]...
34. Flying in the plane Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, “No way, ten dollars is ten dollars.” The years […]...
35. A woman walks into a tattoo parlour A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks ‘Do you do custom work?’ ‘Why of course!’ ‘Good. I’d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.’ ‘No problem,’ says the artist. ‘Strip from the waist down […]...
36. Borrow a sewing machine? Sacramento Public Library to start loaning more than books Sacramento Public Library patrons will soon be able to check out a variety of tools, technology and home appliances through a “Library of Things” program. Have you ever had the urge to play around with a music synthesizer or take a GoPro camera on an adventure, but didn’t want to own one? It may soon […]...
37. Opening a Bank Account I decided to Switch banks recently, and after looking at my options, I Went for Mar Vista National Bank. I Drove over to the bank, parked next to the Drive-through teller lanes, and walked inside. I made my way to the new Accounts desk, and was greeted by John, one of the customer service representatives […]...
38. A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenly he notices a fine looking hooker looking at him. He stops, bangs on the window and says,”So, what does this cost??!!”. And the hooker replies,”25 dollars!!”. And the Pollock said,”Hmm, that’s not a lot of money for insulated windows!!”....
39. A man walks into a doctor office A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”...
40. The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand was down to two final applicants – one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, “Jim […]...