A duck walks into a general store

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1. A duck in the shop A duck walks into a shop and asks the manager: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegetables? -No. We have only dry goods. The next day the duck returns: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegatables? -No. I told you yesterday, we have only dry goods. If you come back tomorrow […]...
2. A Duck walks into a bar A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread? Barman: No, sorry, we don’t have any bread [After a few minutes] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: Look, we don’t have any bread [In a little while] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: We don’t have any F*****g bread! [Some time later] Duck: […]...
3. A woman walks into a pet store A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.” “No worries,” replies the clerk. […]...
4. A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. “This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.” the clerk said. “Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?” “This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.” “And the other?” said the customer. […]...
5. Перевод слова duck Duck – утка; душка, прелесть; уходить, уклоняться Перевод слова To shoot ducks – стрелять уток she is a perfect duck – она просто прелесть to duck the issue – обойти проблему You can’t Duck out now, you made a solemn promise. Ты не можешь теперь уклониться, ты клятвенно пообещал. It’s unlawful to try to Duck […]...
6. A customer walks into a pharmacy A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don’t stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he […]...
7. A dancing duck A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin’ and dealin’ they […]...
8. I have a magical dancing duck A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they […]...
9. A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog. He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & around his head. The druggist says “May I help you?” The blind man replies “No thank you, I’m just looking around.”...
10. A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I’m sorry sir, but I am blind, and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order […]...
11. A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, […]...
12. This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop. An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over and says he’ll give her a ride home. On the way he looks her over and says “You’re a pretty good looking old broad. I’ll […]...
13. Значение идиомы duck soup [duck soup] {n.}, {slang} 1. A task easily accomplished or one that does not require much effort. That history test was duck soup. 2. A person who offers no resistance; a pushover. How’s the new history teacher? – He’s duck soup....
14. Edward walks out of a bar Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. “Can I help you, fella?”, asks the cop. “Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!” Edward replies. The cop asks, “Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?”. “It […]...
15. Значение идиомы like water off a duck’s back [like water off a duck’s back] {adv. phr.}, {informal} Withoutchanging your feelings or opinion; without effect. Advice andcorrection roll off him like water off a duck’s back. Many peopleshowed him they didn’t like what he was doing, but their disapprovalpassed off him like water off a duck’s back....
16. Значение идиомы duck out [duck out] {v. phr.} To avoid; escape from something by skillful maneuvering. Somehow or other Jack always manages to duck out of any hard work....
17. Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the barman Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi’s and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks […]...
18. At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, “Will we have to fight a World War Three?” “Yes, comrades, looks like […]...
19. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think […]...
20. Little Johnny walks into his primary school Little Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher. Teacher “Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?” Johnny “I’m sorry Miss, but my Grandad got burnt yesterday.” Teacher, “Was he burned very bad?” Johnny, “Yes Mam, they don’t fuck around at these crematoriums you know....
21. Значение идиомы dead duck [dead duck] {n.}, {slang} A person or thing in a hopeless situation or condition; one to whom something bad is sure to happen. When the pianist broke her arm, she was a dead duck....
22. A guy walks into a post office A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes […]...
23. A department store A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: […]...
24. George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. “I’ll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,” answers the President. “But sir, what about the mad cow?!!” asks the waiter. “Oh,” answers Dubya, “she’ll order for herself.”...
25. A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and […]...
26. A man walks into a pub The following was contributed by Emil: A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman, “cor! I’ve just had my first blow-job and it was great! – I’ll have a large whiskey please, barman.” The man takes his whiskey and downs it. “Same again?” asks the barman. “Okay” […]...
27. Перевод идиомы duck soup, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: duck soup Перевод: очень легкий, простой, пустяковый Пример: “How was the test last week?” “It was duck soup – no problem at all.” Как прошла контрольная на той неделе? – Пустяки, никаких проблем....
28. A woman walks into her accountant’s office and A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks […]...
29. A man walks into a doctor office A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”...
30. Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks “What’s that mum? ” His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally she came up with the following, “That’s where your dad accidentially hit me […]...
31. Перевод идиомы like water off a duck’s back, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: like water off a duck’s back Перевод: как с гуся вода; не задевая; без всякого эффекта Пример: My boss always criticizes my friend but he ignores it and the criticism is like water off a duck’s back. Мой начальник всегда критикует моего друга, но он все игнорирует, и критика не оказывает никакой эффект на […]...
32. A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow $200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says ‘I’ve got a Rolls Royce – keep it until the loan is paid off – here are the keys.’ Six months later the man comes […]...
33. Перевод идиомы lame duck, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: lame duck Перевод: кто-либо, занимающий выбираемую должность, чей срок полномочий еще не истек, но о ком известно, что он не будет переизбран, или что он не может быть переизбран (в силу устава, закона, и т. п.) Пример: The mayor is a lame-duck leader so it is difficult for him to accomplish some things. Мэр […]...
34. A woman walks into a tattoo parlour A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks ‘Do you do custom work?’ ‘Why of course!’ ‘Good. I’d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.’ ‘No problem,’ says the artist. ‘Strip from the waist down […]...
35. Перевод сленгового выражения sitting duck, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: sitting duck Перевод: легкая цель; что-либо или кто-либо беззащитный, уязвимый, или находящийся в рискованной, опасной ситуации Пример: The sweet old lady was a sitting duck for the aggressive salesman. Эта приятная пожилая дама была легкой целью для настойчивого продавца. Out in the open field, the soldiers were sitting ducks for enemy snipers. В […]...
36. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again […]...
37. Little girl walks into the bathroom A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks “What’s that?” Her sister replies “That is my possum, sis!” The young girl replies “Oh, OK” The next day she sees her mother get out of the […]...
38. A man walks into a bar and orders two drinks A man walks into a bar and orders two drinks. As the bartender watches he drinks one drink and pours the other one on his hand. He orders two more drinks and does the same thing. The third time the bartender asks him what’s going on. “Why are you pouring that drink on your hand”? […]...
39. A waitress walks up to one of her tables in A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She yells, “What the hell do you guys think you are doing?” One of the Japanese men explains, “Can’t you see? We are all berry hungry.” The waitress […]...
40. A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch. “Hi, there, I’m Jerry,” he said, as […]...