A duck in the shop

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1. A duck walks into a general store A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,”Got any fresh fruit?” “No.” “Got any fresh vegetables?” “No. We have only canned and dry goods.” The next day, the duck returns. “Got any fresh fruit?” “No.” “Got any fresh vegetables?” “No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If […]...
2. A Duck walks into a bar A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread? Barman: No, sorry, we don’t have any bread [After a few minutes] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: Look, we don’t have any bread [In a little while] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: We don’t have any F*****g bread! [Some time later] Duck: […]...
3. Перевод слова duck Duck – утка; душка, прелесть; уходить, уклоняться Перевод слова To shoot ducks – стрелять уток she is a perfect duck – она просто прелесть to duck the issue – обойти проблему You can’t Duck out now, you made a solemn promise. Ты не можешь теперь уклониться, ты клятвенно пообещал. It’s unlawful to try to Duck […]...
4. A dancing duck A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin’ and dealin’ they […]...
5. I have a magical dancing duck A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they […]...
6. Значение идиомы duck soup [duck soup] {n.}, {slang} 1. A task easily accomplished or one that does not require much effort. That history test was duck soup. 2. A person who offers no resistance; a pushover. How’s the new history teacher? – He’s duck soup....
7. Значение идиомы like water off a duck’s back [like water off a duck’s back] {adv. phr.}, {informal} Withoutchanging your feelings or opinion; without effect. Advice andcorrection roll off him like water off a duck’s back. Many peopleshowed him they didn’t like what he was doing, but their disapprovalpassed off him like water off a duck’s back....
8. Значение идиомы duck out [duck out] {v. phr.} To avoid; escape from something by skillful maneuvering. Somehow or other Jack always manages to duck out of any hard work....
9. A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and […]...
10. Значение идиомы dead duck [dead duck] {n.}, {slang} A person or thing in a hopeless situation or condition; one to whom something bad is sure to happen. When the pianist broke her arm, she was a dead duck....
11. Bank Teller Bank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account”. “Please sir”, she replies, “we can’t have language like that in here.” “Why the Fuck not?” he asked. “Sir,” Came her retort, “I must ask you to refrain from swearing.” “I […]...
12. Перевод идиомы duck soup, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: duck soup Перевод: очень легкий, простой, пустяковый Пример: “How was the test last week?” “It was duck soup – no problem at all.” Как прошла контрольная на той неделе? – Пустяки, никаких проблем....
13. Перевод идиомы like water off a duck’s back, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: like water off a duck’s back Перевод: как с гуся вода; не задевая; без всякого эффекта Пример: My boss always criticizes my friend but he ignores it and the criticism is like water off a duck’s back. Мой начальник всегда критикует моего друга, но он все игнорирует, и критика не оказывает никакой эффект на […]...
14. Перевод идиомы lame duck, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: lame duck Перевод: кто-либо, занимающий выбираемую должность, чей срок полномочий еще не истек, но о ком известно, что он не будет переизбран, или что он не может быть переизбран (в силу устава, закона, и т. п.) Пример: The mayor is a lame-duck leader so it is difficult for him to accomplish some things. Мэр […]...
15. Перевод сленгового выражения sitting duck, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: sitting duck Перевод: легкая цель; что-либо или кто-либо беззащитный, уязвимый, или находящийся в рискованной, опасной ситуации Пример: The sweet old lady was a sitting duck for the aggressive salesman. Эта приятная пожилая дама была легкой целью для настойчивого продавца. Out in the open field, the soldiers were sitting ducks for enemy snipers. В […]...
16. The Barber Shop This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About 2 hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a […]...
17. A man enters a barber shop for a shave A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. “I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.” The […]...
18. Subjects for a date A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.” The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. […]...
19. Two blondes are passing by a fruit shop when Two blondes are passing by a fruit shop when the grocer calls to them, “Bananas! 50 cents each or three for a dollar!” The girls stop and look at each other. “Well I suppose we could always eat the third one!”...
20. Перевод слова fruit Fruit – фрукт, плод, плодоносить Перевод слова Fruit drink – фруктовый напиток fresh fruit – свежие фрукты to fruit well – хорошо плодоносить Fruit grows on trees. Фрукты растут на деревьях. The sun ripens the Fruit. Под солнцем зреет плод. When will the trees Fruit? Когда созреют фрукты на деревьях?...
21. Значение идиомы lame duck [lame duck] {n.}, {informal} An elected public official who hasbeen either defeated in a new election or whose term cannot berenewed, but who has a short period of time left in office duringwhich he can still perform certain duties, though with somewhatdiminished powers. In the last year of their second terms, Americanpresidents are lame ducks....
22. A customer walks into a pharmacy A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don’t stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he […]...
23. The work qualification test Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy […]...
24. A dog walks into a butcher shop A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter […]...
25. I’ll use my Seeing Eye Dog A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite […]...
26. A man walks into a jewellers shop A man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: “I’m sorry Sir, this is a clock shop not a cock shop.” “Well, put two hands and a face on this.” replies the man....
27. Equally qualified Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went […]...
28. A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I’m sorry sir, but I am blind, and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order […]...
29. Finding the right answers Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question to ask and that he shouldn’t ask it again. He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she wouldn’t answer the question and that he shouldn’t […]...
30. Over the counter A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, “Do you sell Viagra here?” The pharmacist answers […]...
31. A bar name A guy walks into a store and says to the managaer “why doesn’t your store have a name”, the store manager says “I haven’t thought of one yet but I think u can help me, what’s your girlfriend’s name.” The guy says “Jenny” then the store owner says “What’s do you like most about Jenny” […]...
32. Twenty men die and go to heaven Twenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are under their wives control and they other for those that control their wives. After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are nineteen men in the first […]...
33. Punishment that fits the crime Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane. The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks “why are you here?” The schnauzer responds, “I’m 17 years old. I don’t see or hear very well. I’ve been […]...
34. A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price. “Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,” says the shop […]...
35. Using nails on a house These two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over […]...
36. A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, […]...
37. Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two […]...
38. Cock fights How can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight? He enters a duck. How can you tell if a Pole is present? He bets money on the duck. How can you tell if an Italian is present? The duck wins....
39. Значение идиомы off feed [off feed] or [off one’s feed] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Not feelingwell; lacking in vitality; droopy; moody. Mary was worried; hercanary was off feed. Jerry seemed to be off his feed; he did notjoke and laugh with the others....
40. Перевод слова feed Feed – кормить, питаться, питать Перевод слова To feed a child – кормить ребенка to feed in data – вводить, загружать данные to feed the baby on demand – кормить ребенка столько раз, сколько он попросит to feed a dog – кормить собаку Feed the tomatoes once a week. Поливай помидоры раз в неделю. Frogs […]...