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1. Partial DosageAn elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said «That’s no problem. How many do you want?» The man answered, «Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.» The pharmacist said, «That won’t do you any good.» The elderly gentleman said, «That’s ... Читать далее...
2. A man comes to a doctor andA man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, «Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?» «Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!» announces a proud physician, «They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You ... Читать далее...
3. Having Hearing ProblemsBernadette: Why are you Mumbling? Claude: I’m not. I said, “What’s wrong with your Hearing?” Bernadette: Nothing is wrong with my hearing. You just need To speak up. Claude: I’m Practically shouting. You need to see a doctor about your Hearing loss. Bernadette: I’m not Hard of hearing. It’s probably just a Buildup of Earwax. ... Читать далее...
4. A partially deaf gentleman was extolling the virtuesA partially deaf gentleman was extolling the virtues of his new hearing aid. «It’s marvelous,» he enthused to a friend. «Since I acquired it I can hear the birds chirping on the hearth. I can also hear clearly a conversation being held in an apartment a full block away!» «You don’t say,» said his friend. ... Читать далее...
5. A hearing problemAn elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about 20′ behind her and asked «Can you hear me sweetheart»?. No reply. Moved to 10′ and inquired again. No reply. 5′ and not a word. A few inches behind ear, he asked «Can you hear me now honey»? His wife said «For the ... Читать далее...
6. My heart setA certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and he was advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor, and the doctor said, «All right, let’s check you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and ... Читать далее...
7. A man went to the doctor for a check upA man went to the doctor for a check up. «How do you feel?» asked the doctor. «Fine.» he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, «How many times do you have sex per month?» «About two or three.» the man replied. «You should be doing better than that.» the doctor ... Читать далее...
8. At the doctor’s — У доктораIs there anything more important than health? I don’t think so. «Health is the greatest wealth,» wise people say. You can’t be good at your studies or work well when you are ill. If you have a headache, heartache, toothache, backache, earache or bad pain in the stomach, if you complain of a sore throat ... Читать далее...
9. Some problemsA woman gives birth by a Caesarian and passes out. When she comes to her senses, the doctor approaches her bed and says: «I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems.» «What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I’ll love it. It’s my child and I’ll love it ... Читать далее...
10. 3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, «When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, «I would like to hear them say that I ... Читать далее...
11. Health in Developing CountriesSilvia: What are you watching? Hermann: I’m watching a show about the health problems in Developing countries. Silvia: Don’t we have enough Healthcare problems here, in this country? Hermann: We do, but there are countries that have a lot more Acute problems than we do. Silvia: Oh, those kids are so cute. Hermann: Yeah, but ... Читать далее...
12. There was this little boy who went in the whore houseThere was this little boy who went in the whore house with a dead frog on a leash. He went to the counter and asked the pimp for a whore with aids, the man knew he was young but the boy said «please mister, just give me a whore with aids, i have money thats ... Читать далее...
13. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really badA man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says «I have some bad news. You have HAGS.» «What is HAGS» the man asks. «It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis» says the doctor. «Oh my God» says the man. «What are you ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова AIDSAIDS — СПИД Перевод слова An AIDS carrier — носитель вируса СПИДа to contract AIDS — подхватить СПИД National AIDS Trust Национальное управление по контролю за распространением СПИДа (США) There is still no cure for AIDS. До сих пор нет лекарства от СПИДа. Происхождение слова AIDS Слово является аббревиатурой от Aquired Immune Deficiency Syndrom (синдром ... Читать далее...
15. Ошибки, совершаемые при употреблении времени Future Perfect Continuous в английском языкеНаиболее распространенные ошибки Неправильно Правильно Перевод Объяснение I will have working in the company for 5 years next month. I Will have been working in the company for 5 years next month. В следующем месяце я буду работать в компании уже 5 лет. Способ образования Future Perfect Continuous в утвердительной форме: Will + have + ... Читать далее...
16. Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory testThree elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, «What is three times three?» «274,» was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, «It’s your turn. What is three times three?» «Tuesday,» replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, «Okay, ... Читать далее...
17. An Other oneThree old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’ A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s ... Читать далее...
18. An elderly patient needed a heart transplantAn elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, «We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd ... Читать далее...
19. Перевод слова pleasedPleased — довольный Перевод слова To be mightily pleased — быть страшно довольным to be pleased with oneself — быть довольным собой be anything but pleased — быть отнюдь не в восторге Pleased to meet you. Рад с вами познакомиться. He will be Pleased to do it. Он с удовольствием сделает это. I am Pleased ... Читать далее...
20. Take in a boarderAn elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions. «Yes,» says the Doctor, «I would advise you to take in a boarder.» A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine his wife is ... Читать далее...
21. After a couple of years a couple wanted to have childrenAfter a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. «Don’t worry,» he said, «Just take this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow.» So he went home feeling ... Читать далее...
22. Перевод слова gentlemanGentleman — джентельмен, господин Перевод слова He is a gentleman — он порядочный человек he is one of nature’s gentlemen — в нем есть прирожденное благородство gentleman’s agreement — джентльменское соглашение Ladies and Gentlemen! Дамы и господа! He deported himself like a Gentleman. Он вел себя как истинный джентльмен. Show this Gentleman how to get ... Читать далее...
23. An elderly couple walk into a doctor officeAn elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, «Doctor, we want to have a baby.» The doctor replies,»At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.» So the couple comes back a few days later. ... Читать далее...
24. An elderly couple, still very loving after all these yearsAn elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again — the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод слова hearHear — слышать, услышать, слушать Перевод слова To hear a loud sound — услышать громкий звук there was nothing to be heard — ничего не было слышно she can’t hear very well — она не очень хорошо слышит glad to hear it — рад это слышать He is dull of Hearing. Он плохо слышит. Can ... Читать далее...
26. Collection 07I hear you are a real humanitarian. You have kept three or four detectives working regularly. I hear you are connected to the Police Department — by a pair of handcuffs. Hello — tall, dark and obnoxious! You remind me of the ocean — you make me sick. You should have been born in the ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы fit out[fit out] or [fit up] {v.} To give things needed; furnish. Thesoldiers were fitted out with guns and clothing. The governmentfitted out warships and got sailors for them. The house was fittedout very nicely. He fitted his room up as a photographiclaboratory....
28. The right rhythmOn hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, «He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.» Horrified, Katie told her ... Читать далее...
29. A man calls his family doctorA man calls his family doctor: Man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit. Doctor: Ok, bring her in and I’ll try to help. Man: Fine, but whatever you do, don’t cure her....
30. An old woman came into her doctors officeAn old woman came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. «I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they’re soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I’ve been here, I’ve farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?» «Here’s a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three ... Читать далее...
31. A rather senile old lady went to her doctorA rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went as follows: D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear. L: ?eh? D: Madam — You have a SUPPOSITORY in your ... Читать далее...
32. A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a babyA young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she’s still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat ... Читать далее...
33. A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossingA young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn’t have a stitch of clothing on. ... Читать далее...
34. Youth ProblemsВ топике Проблемы молодежи рассматриваются проблемы подростков. Чаще всего преступления совершают дети из малообеспеченных и неблагополучных семей, и многие подростки, страдающие от наркотической или алкогольной зависимости, просто этого не понимают. Иногда подростки не справляются сами со своими проблемами, впадают в депрессию и кончают жизнь самоубийством. Общество должно проявить заботу и понимание подобных проблем подрастающего поколения. ... Читать далее...
35. An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise shipAn old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: «Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы kneeling bus[kneeling bus] {n.}, {informal} A bus equipped with a hydraulicdevice to enable it to drop almost to curb level for greater ease ofboarding and leaving vehicle, as a convenience for elderly orhandicapped passengers. The man on crutches was pleased to see thekneeling bus....
37. Doctor-Patient ConfidentialityDr. Green: Can I Consult you on a case of Medical ethics? Dr. Hause: Sure, I’m not a lawyer, but I can give you my opinion as another doctor. Dr. Green: That’s what I’m looking for, your honest opinion. I have a Patient who has a medical condition that can be Spread to her family, ... Читать далее...
38. A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleagueA prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She’s worried about the friend so she asks the doctor: Girlfriend: I’m worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ? Doctor: Well she’s 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been ... Читать далее...
39. After a bad accidentPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well… The bad news first… Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had ... Читать далее...
40. The good and the badPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we ... Читать далее...