Oscar was an unlucky sap. Having just spent megabucks on a skydiving

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1. A young soldier was making his first parachute jump A young soldier was making his first parachute jump. The corporal explained the procedure “You count to ten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn’t open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after you land, there’ll be a truck waiting to pick you up.” The soldier checked his gear, called out […]...
2. A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines. “Don’t know,” the woman said. He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview […]...
3. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, “cough drops” and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, “What are you doing here, m’am?” […]...
4. Oscar Wilde (2) Oscar Wilde was born in Dublin on October 16, 1854. His father was a famous Irish surgeon. His mother was well known in Dublin as a writer of verse and prose. At school, and later at Oxford, Oscar displayed gift for art and the humanities. While at the university, Wilde became one of the most […]...
5. Oscar Топик Оскар рассказывает о премии Американской академии кинематографических искусств и наук, с 1940-х годов известной как “Оскар” и традиционно вручающейся деятелям киноискусства за их вклад в создание кинофильмов. Церемония награждения проводится ежегодно в Лос-Анджелесе и транслируется в прямом эфире в десятках стран мира. Это одна из старейших ныне действующих и наиболее престижных кинопремий в мире. […]...
6. Oscar Wilde Oscar Wilde is one of the most interesting representatives of British literature. He was born in 1856 in Irish family. His father was an optician, an author of some books on Irish folklore. His mother was a poetess and was well-known in aristocratic society. After graduating from Oxford University Wilde delivered lectures on ethics and […]...
7. Oscar Wilde – Оскар Уайльд Oscar Wilde Oscar Wilde is a famous English writer of the 19th century, Oscar Wilde was born in Dublin, Ireland, in 1854. His mother wrote poetry, and she taught him to love literature. He was educated at Trinity College, Dublin and Magdalen College, Oxford. Soon after leaving university his first volume of poetry, “Patience” was […]...
8. An 18th-century vagabond in England An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: “George and the Dragon.” He knocked. The Innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window. “Could ye spare some victuals?” The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. “No!” she shouted. “Could I have a pint of ale?” […]...
9. A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and […]...
10. Now he’s in trouble A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, “what’s the problem officer?” To which the policeman responded, “I stopped you for running that red light behind you.” Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and […]...
11. Перевод слова reply Reply – ответ, отвечать Перевод слова In reply to your letter – в ответ на ваше письмо to make a reply – ответить, дать ответ reply paid – с оплаченным ответом Reply to the question. Ответь на вопрос. He laughed a Reply. Он ответил со смехом. I’ll Reply by wire. Я отвечу телеграммой....
12. Towards and Away One day many years ago, a fisherman’s wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn’t think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, “Let’s not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to […]...
13. Manly signs “Doctor, doctor!” shouted the woman coming into the doctors offfice. “I think I’m turning into a man” then the doctor says, ” Now hold on little lady what makes you think that you’re turning into a man?” ” Well” said the woman “I’m starting to grow hair on my chest” and then the doctor asked, […]...
14. Problems Getting Along With Family Oscar: So you’re back from your mother’s birthday dinner. How was it? Priscilla: Same old, same old. It isn’t a family gathering without a major Meltdown or Blowup. Oscar: Yikes, what happened? Priscilla: You know how it is. It starts out with Bickering and somebody Taking offense at some Slight or Dig, or bringing up […]...
15. Значение идиомы ground [ground] See: BREAK GROUND, COMMON GROUND, COVER GROUND or COVERTHE GROUND, CUT THE GROUND FROM UNDER, EAR TO THE GROUND, FEET ON THEGROUND, GAIN GROUND, GET OFF THE GROUND, GIVE GROUND, HAPPY HUNTINGGROUND, HOLD ONE’S GROUND, LOSE GROUND, MIDDLE GROUND, RUN INTO THEGROUND, STAMPING GROUND, STAND ONE’S GROUND, FROM THE GROUND UP....
16. Blonde on blonde A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally […]...
17. Cheating on a Test Oscar: What are you doing? Elena: I’m getting ready for the test. Oscar: By writing the answers on a cheat sheet? You’re not going To get away with That. Elena: I got a “D” on the last test and I have to do better on this one. If I don’t get at least a “B,” […]...
18. Everybody’s doing it This bloke was ordered from the pool for pissing in the water. “That’s ridiculous!” he shouted at the pool manager. “Everybody does it, you know.” “That may be so,” came the reply, “but usually not from the diving board.”...
19. A theological debate Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the […]...
20. Writing One’s Memoirs Oscar: We’re Thrilled that you’ll be Publishing your Memoir with our company. You’ve had such an interesting life. I’m sure you’ll have lots of Titillating stories to tell. Liz: Well, my memoir will certainly have a lot of stories about my career: the people I’ve worked with and the kindness I’ve encountered in this Industry. […]...
21. Reading Online Reviews Marisa: When we go to our favorite vacation Spot in two months, let’s stay at a different hotel. Oscar: I like the hotel we always stay at. It’s in a Convenient location and we’re already familiar with it. Marisa: That’s just it. It’s Tried and true, but there’s no Novelty and excitement in staying in […]...
22. Nicolas Cage on Turning Down ‘Dumb & Dumber,’ Winning Another Oscar and the Movie that Made Him Change His Name While promoting “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengence,” the actor discussed his former friendship with Jim Carrey, and why he hated making “Fast Times At Ridgemont High.” Nicolas Cage may be known for his tough-guy roles in action films like Face/Off, Gone in Sixty Seconds and National Treasure. But, if things had gone differently, he may […]...
23. Pillsbury Dough Boy wanted for attempted murder A lady named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her […]...
24. Being a Divorced Parent Oscar: How are you adjusting to being a Single parent? Penny: It hasn’t been easy, but Paul and I are trying to be as Civil as possible. We worked out Joint custody so that Mina will get Quality time with both of us. Still, it’s been an Adjustment for her. Oscar: I’m sure, and for […]...
25. A woman was thinking about finding a pet A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large […]...
26. Noah And Today’s Ark Noah And Today’s Ark The Lord spoke to Noah and said, “Noah, in six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. […]...
27. How I spent my summer holidays В топике Как я провел мои летние каникулы – я рассказываю о том, как я отдыхаю в летние месяцы. Мои родители любят посещать зарубежные страны, а мне тоже интересно посмотреть новые места. Этим летом мы были в Турции, затем навестили бабушку и дедушку в Украине. Обычно мы отдыхаем в Крыму, в Балаклаве, и я всегда […]...
28. Retiring From a Job Meredith: Are you going to Stanley’s Retirement party? Oscar: Sure, I want a Glimpse of the future. I can’t wait To retire. Meredith: It’ll be a long time before you get the Golden handshake. Me? I may be ready for Early retirement. Oscar: Are you seriously thinking about taking the early retirement Package the company […]...
29. Stuck in a plane George Bushes, father Bush and son Bush, Bush, Jr., are on board a small two seater plane when suddenly George Senior, the pilot, parachutes out of the plane. Not knowing how to fly, National Guard Service or not, a plane George, Jr., grabs the radio. “Mayday, mayday! My Dad just jumped out of the plane!” […]...
30. Save the dead rabbit A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]...
31. Hair spray A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]...
32. Trapped within a bog Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O’Reilly wandered by. “Help!” Paddy shouted, “Oi’m sinkin’!” Don’t worry,” assured Mick. “Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi’m the strongest man in Erin, and Oi’ll pull ye right out o’ there.” Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy’s hand and pulled and pulled […]...
33. A hearty breakfast A man goes into a greasy spoon-type cafe and he says, “I would like one of your special full English breakfasts”. “No problem.” Comes the greasy little fat girls reply from behind the counter. “But I want it MY way.” says the man. “What do you mean your way?” comes the reply. The man says, […]...
34. Rolls Royce vs. Yugo A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!” The driver of the Rolls looked over and […]...
35. A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: “What are you doing here today?” Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.” Man: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.” The woman looked thoughtful for […]...
36. The pro football turkey The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive […]...
37. Who keeps saying those things A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively “You’ve got great hair!” The man looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer. A minute later, he heard […]...
38. Значение идиомы come up [come up] {v.} 1. To become a subject for discussion or decision to talk about or decide about. “He was a good salesman, and price never came up until the very last,” Mary said. The question of wage increases came up at the board meeting. Mayor Jones comes up for reelection this fall. 2. To […]...
39. Перевод слова equal Equal – равный, идентичный Перевод слова Equal distance – одинаковое расстояние equal rights – равноправие other conditions being equal – при прочих равных условиях He gave Equal attention to all. Он каждому уделил равное внимание. We are all Equals here. Мы все равно здесь. Two plus two Equals four. Два плюс два равно четыре. Примеры […]...
40. Перевод слова unlucky Unlucky – несчастливый Перевод слова He is always unlucky at cards – ему всегда не везет в карты unlucky omen – зловещее предзнаменование unlucky in love – неудачливый в любви at an unlucky moment – не в добрый час The Unlucky wight is doomed to speedy death. Несчастный обречен на скорую смерть. The sword was […]...