Mrs. Prussy

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1. A little boy was excited about his first day at schoolA little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked ... Читать далее...
2. An English teacherAn English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: «woman without her man is nothing». The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly. The men wrote: «Woman, without her man, is nothing.» The women wrote: «Woman! Without her, man is nothing.»...
3. A little periodThe kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he ... Читать далее...
4. Little Johnny walks into his primary schoolLittle Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher. Teacher «Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?» Johnny «I’m sorry Miss, but my Grandad got burnt yesterday.» Teacher, «Was he burned very bad?» Johnny, «Yes Mam, they don’t fuck around at these crematoriums you know....
5. One day in class the teacherOne day in class the teacher has sex education. On the black board she draws a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is. In the back of the room, Dirty Johnny stands and says «That’s a penis, and my father has two of them». The teacher looks surprised and ... Читать далее...
6. A new methodIt’s the first day of school and the teacher told her kindergarten class, «If anyone has to go to the bathroom, you should hold up two fingers.» After a moment of quiet thought, Little Johnny asked: «How will that help?»...
7. Strict schoolIt was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy «My name is Johnny Fuckhauer». So she said «There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова greetingGreeting — приветствие, поздравление, пожелание Перевод слова Friendly greeting — дружеское приветствие New-Year greetings — новогодние поздравления with greetings from all of us — с приветом от всех нас He extended a hand in Greeting. Он протянул руку в знак приветствия. Her Greeting was cold and inhospitable. Ее приветствие было холодным и негостеприимным. He didn’t ... Читать далее...
9. Count till fiftyThe teacher walked into the classroom to find words like «cunt» and «cock» scrawled all over the blackboard. «Children,» she said, addressing the classroom, «you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now we’re all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I ... Читать далее...
10. Buckwheat Lets the Cat Outta the BagBuckwheat Lets the Cat Outta the Bag One day the little rascals were sitting in school. The teacher walked in, and said, «good morning class. Today we are going to play word games. I’m going to give you a word and I want you to put it in a sentence for me.» She said «Spanky ... Читать далее...
11. Winnie The????«Winnie The????» It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class. The teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one thing they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone 1 thing she ... Читать далее...
12. Everything we needA young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, «oh miss, oh ... Читать далее...
13. This guy was driving down the highwayThis guy was driving down the highway and was pulled over by the cops. The cop asked the man for his name and the guy replied, «Earl.» «You got a last name, Earl?» «Nope. It’s a long story, Officer.» «I got time.» Earl sighs and says, «Well, Officer, at first I was known as Earl ... Читать далее...
14. A young female teacher was giving an assignmentA young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, «What’s so funny Pat?» «Well teacher, I just ... Читать далее...
15. A story with a moralWhile they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, «Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?» «Why Yes, John, that would be nice,» said Marie. Well, John couldn’t believe his luck. All week long he polished up his car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and ... Читать далее...
16. Famous QuotesOne Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with «This was England’s finest hour.» Little Suzy instantly jumped up ... Читать далее...
17. A little boy did not go to school one dayA little boy did not go to school one day. The next day when the teacher asked him why, he said «Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the Bull». «How disgusting» said the teacher «I am sure your father could have done that» «No ma’m, he couldn’t have» said ... Читать далее...
18. One day a teacher was teaching religionOne day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class «What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?» Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. «I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of ... Читать далее...
19. A boy comes home from school and tells his motherA boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. «What part?» the mother asked. «I play a Jewish husband,» the boy replied. «Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!»...
20. Значение идиомы pass off[pass off] {v.} 1. To sell or give by false claims;offer as genuine. The dishonest builder passed offa poorly built house by pretending it was well constructed. Syn.: FOBOFF, PALM OFF. To claim to be someone you are not; pretend to besomeone else. He passed himself off as a doctor until someonechecked his record. 3. ... Читать далее...
21. The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a gameThe Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described. Teacher: «The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem.» Timmy: » I know what it is, it’s an apple.» Teacher: «That’s right, I like the way ... Читать далее...
22. A good studentIt was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, «Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said «Give me Liberty, or give me Death?» She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова boardBoard — доска, планка; правление, департамент Перевод слова Cutting board — доска для резки хлеба to size the board — проклеивать картон bed of boards — нары board of directors — правление; совет директоров He drove a nail into the Board. Он забил гвоздь в доску. Write the answers on the Board. Ответы запишите на ... Читать далее...
24. Little Johnny was in class againLittle Johnny was in class again. Teacher asked everyone «Can anyone tell me a sentence with the word definitely in it?» Meg puts up her hand.»The sky is definitely blue.» «Thats not bad, Meg,» says the teacher, «but the sky can be grey or red.» Young Sally tried :»The grass is definitely green.» «Good try ... Читать далее...
25. Little Johnny was late for schoolLittle Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, «Why are you late little Johnny?» Johnny replied, «My grandpa got burnt, Miss.» The teacher replied, «I hope it wasn’t too bad.» Then little Johnny said, «Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t muck around!»...
26. A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncingA young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter «R,» and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: «Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.» In class a ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы go by the board[go by the board] also [pass by the board] {v. phr.} To go away ordisappear forever, be forgotten or not used. Tom had severalchances to go to college, but he let them go by the board. Grandfather said he was too old to go to the beach. «Those days havepassed by the board,» he said. ... Читать далее...
28. Managing a ClassroomAfter three months of summer vacation, I was looking forward to the start of a new school year. … Okay, everybody, Settle down. Take your Seats and get out your Textbook. Charlie, Eyes on your own book. And Kathy, do you have something To share with the rest of the class? No? Then put that ... Читать далее...
29. Beautiful — in a sentenceThe teacher says, «Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today’s word is «beautiful». Little Sally, would you please come up here and use «beautiful» in a sentence?» Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы pass on[pass on] {v.} 1. To give an opinion about; judge; settle. Thecollege passed on his application and found him acceptable. Thecommittee recommended three people for the job and the presidentpassed on them. 2. To give away As he grew up, he passed on his clothes to his younger brother. Compare: HAND DOWN. 3. To die. ... Читать далее...
31. TeachingTeaching The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member). A smart-ass student pipes up: «What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?» The ... Читать далее...
32. The last wordsA teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said, «My father’s dead, Miss.» «Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?» «He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and collapsed.»...
33. One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic worldOne day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, but ... Читать далее...
34. It finally dawned«How did it happen?» the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. «Well, doc, 25 years ago…» «Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.» «Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone ... Читать далее...
35. Murphy’s Travel LawsMurphy Laws For Frequent Flyers No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed. ... Читать далее...
36. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girlsThis elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, «cough drops» and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, «What are you doing here, m’am?» ... Читать далее...
37. My Favourite SubjectSpeaking about my favourite subject I must admit that I was privileged to study at a school where the English language was taught since the first form. It wasn’t a specialized English school, it was the school of fine-arts. Since the first days at school English has become my favourite subject. At the age of ... Читать далее...
38. Great School Humor«I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.» — Groucho Marx 1890-1977 — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
39. Broken leg«How did it happen?» the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. «Well, doc, 25 years ago…» «Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.» «Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d ... Читать далее...
40. These two guys had just gotten divorcesThese two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader’s ... Читать далее...