A little boy did not go to school one day

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1. A little boy was excited about his first day at school A little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked […]...
2. Strict school It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy “My name is Johnny Fuckhauer”. So she said “There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; […]...
3. A boy comes home from school and tells his mother A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. “What part?” the mother asked. “I play a Jewish husband,” the boy replied. “Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!”...
4. Little Johnny was late for school Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, “Why are you late little Johnny?” Johnny replied, “My grandpa got burnt, Miss.” The teacher replied, “I hope it wasn’t too bad.” Then little Johnny said, “Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t muck around!”...
5. While attending a spelling session in school one day While attending a spelling session in school one day, The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB? Darla raises her hand and says “I can, I can” The teacher replies, “OK, go ahead Darla…” Darla replies…”D-U-M-B” The teacher replies, “very good”, and “can you use that word in a sentence?” Darla replies, “Sure, […]...
6. Little Johnny walks into his primary school Little Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher. Teacher “Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?” Johnny “I’m sorry Miss, but my Grandad got burnt yesterday.” Teacher, “Was he burned very bad?” Johnny, “Yes Mam, they don’t fuck around at these crematoriums you know....
7. At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by […]...
8. There was this boy in high school that was what you would call There was this boy in high school that was what you would consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement of his home and one night he came up and said “Dad look what I made.” So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of soil and instantly grass […]...
9. Great School Humor “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx 1890-1977 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
10. Chemistry song 01 The Chemistry Teacher’s Coming to Town You better not weigh You better not heat You better not react I’m telling you now The Chemistry Teacher’s coming to town. He’s collecting data He’s checking it twice He’s gonna find out The heat of melting ice The Chemistry Teacher’s coming to town. He sees you when you’re […]...
11. A school teacher injured his back and had to wear A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. […]...
12. Little Johnny comes home from school Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,” and would his mother,”please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.” So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, […]...
13. I have a question A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float? The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish […]...
14. A little boy walks up to his father and says A little boy walks up to his father and says, “Dad, what does a pussy look like?” Father responds, “well son, before or after sex?” Son, “Well, before?” Father, “picture a tulip with all the petals son.” Son, “well what about after?” Father, “Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!”...
15. Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he’s never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, “What’s that, Miss?” Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, “That’s what your Daddy calls Mummy, Tommy.” Tommy thinks for a […]...
16. A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was […]...
17. Перевод слова school School – школа, учебное заведение Перевод слова Business school – школа бизнеса school bus – школьный автобус experimental school – экспериментальная школа The School is close by. Школа расположена рядом. Down with School! К черту школу! School begins at 8.30. Занятия в школе начинаются в 8.30....
18. Значение идиомы bull in a china shop [bull in a china shop] {n. phr.} A rough or clumsy person who says or does something to anger others or upset plans; a tactless person. We were talking politely and carefully with the teacher about a class party, but John came in like a bull in a china shop and his rough talk made […]...
19. A town in Poland had only one cow A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles – or one from Minsk for only 1000 rubles. So, naturally, — they got the cow from Minsk. It was a great cow: had […]...
20. Перевод слова bull Bull – бык, буйвол Перевод слова Elephant bull – слон-самец raging bull – свирепый бык bull calf – бычок, глупец, простофиля He was treed by a Bull. Бык загнал его на дерево. The Bull bellowed Бык взревел. He was attacked and gored by a Bull. На него напал бык и а забодал его. Примеры из […]...
21. My School (4) В топике Моя школа (4) я рассказываю о своем учебном расписании, о предметах, которые мы изучаем, и о своих любимых уроках английского языка. Мне очень нравятся каникулы, которые мы проводим трижды в год. В этом топике я подробно расскажу об оформлении нашей классной комнаты и о том, как обычно проходят наши уроки. Мне нравятся наши […]...
22. A high school senior was inspecting Harvard University A high school senior was inspecting Harvard University, where he hoped to attend the following autumn. As he was walking across the Quad, he stopped a distinguished-looking man and asked: “Sir, can you please tell me where your library is at?” The man looked down his nose and replied: “Son, I’m head of the English […]...
23. Know your numbers The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. “Yes,” he said. “I do. My father taught me.” “Good. What comes after three.” “Four,” answers the boy. “What comes after six?” “Seven.” “Very good,” says the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?” “A Jack.”...
24. Школа моих родителей/ My Parents’ School На английском языке Перевод на русский язык My Parents’ School Школа моих родителей Once I asked my parents where and how they studied when they were children. My mother was happy to speak about her old school. Actually, she studied at the same school where my father did. They were just from parallel classes. They […]...
25. Little Johnny tried out for the school play Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice: “Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I’ll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare.” Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. […]...
26. Первый день в школе/ First Day At School На английском языке Перевод на русский язык First Day At School Первый день в школе Some years have already passed but I still remember my first day at school. How happy and proud I was when my parents told me that I’m going to school, I felt like I was a grown-up person then. I […]...
27. The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, “I want to be a prostitute.” The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground […]...
28. Mrs. Prussy The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents. The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered her name and little […]...
29. Учитель начальных классов/ Elementary School Teacher На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Elementary School Teacher Учитель начальных классов From the very childhood I dreamt of becoming a teacher. In my opinion, it’s one of the best professions in the world and it certainly would be a perfect occupation for me. First of all, I love children very much, especially of […]...
30. School Life – Школьная жизнь (2) Its very important to have good classmates because we spend a lot of time together. There are 28 pupils in our class – 15 boys and 13 girls. They come to our school from different parts of the city because our class is specialized in physics and mathematics. We do a lot also in chemistry, […]...
31. A farmer comes home with a lively young bull A farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls have fallen on sad days. He’s letting them hang around for old times’ sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture, he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of the old bulls starts to paw […]...
32. A drill instructor at Airborne school was A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group of new troops on making a proper jump. He told them: “When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up, you hook up. When you go out the door, yell ‘Geronimo!’ and wait for your shoot to open. Got It? Good, […]...
33. Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, […]...
34. Значение идиомы school of hard knocks [school of hard knocks] {n. phr.} Life outside of school orcollege; life out in the world; the ordinary experience of learningfrom work and troubles. He never went to high school; he waseducated in the school of hard knocks....
35. Everything we need A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, “oh miss, oh […]...
36. School of My Dream My name is Daria Kuznetsova. I’m a 7th form pupil. I’d like to tell you a few words about a school of my dream. The school where I study is also quite good but I think several things could be changed there. First of all, my dream school should be modern and well-equipped with large […]...
37. Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the Father, “Father, I have sinned. I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me.” The Father said, “Tell me who […]...
38. Перевод слова heat Heat – жара, зной, жар, нагревать Перевод слова Summer heat – летний зной to suffer from the heat – страдать от жары her face flushed with sudden heat – ее щеки вдруг запылали to heat up some water – нагреть воды Heat makes you sweat. Из-за жары вы потеете. The room Heated up quickly. Комната […]...
39. Школьный день/ School Day На английском языке Перевод на русский язык School Day Школьный день My mane is Kate. I want to tell you about one of my school days. I am studying in the 6th form. My class is not very bit. There are only twenty people in my class. There are eight girls and twelve boys. We […]...
40. The headmistress at a girls prep school The headmistress at a girls’ prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: “We’re having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend.” “Why of course,” the Lieutenant answers. […]...