An English teacher

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1. Punctuation marks An English professor wrote the words, “woman without her man is a savage” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is a savage.” The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is a savage.”...
2. The Lesson of English As you know, our group has two English lessons a week: on Tuesday and Friday. When the teacher comes and opens the door, we come in and sit down. Then we open our bags and take our exercise-books and Bonk’s text-books. And soon the lesson begins… We usually start it by pronouncing different words and […]...
3. My English lesson As you know, our group has two English lessons a week: on Tuesday and Friday. When the teacher comes and opens the door, we come in and sit down. Then we open our bags and take our exercise-books and Bonk’s text-books. And soon the lesson begins… We usually start it by pronouncing different words and […]...
4. The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described. Teacher: “The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem.” Timmy: ” I know what it is, it’s an apple.” Teacher: “That’s right, I like the way […]...
5. One day the teacher decides to play an animal game One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?” Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a […]...
6. Значение идиомы Pidgin English [Pidgin English] {n. phr.} A jargon that consists of somemispronounced English words and some foreign words used by Orientalsin talking with Westerners. You can conduct a lot of business inPidgin English in the Far East....
7. When the boy started Kindergarten, the teacher When the boy started Kindergarten, the teacher asked all the children to give their first name. When she got to the little boy in the second row, he said: “I’ll give you a hint. First it’s in your hand, then it’s in your mouth, and then it’s in your tummy.” The teacher smiled and said: […]...
8. A first-grade teacher was overseeing her students as A first-grade teacher was overseeing her students as they experimented with their desk computers. One boy sat staring at the screen, unsure how to get the computer going. The teacher walked over and read what was on his screen. In her most reassuring voice, she said, “The computer wants to know what your name is,” […]...
9. Studying English grammar First of all, grammar is a main component of any language in the world. Without grammar, you can’t understand, for example, the time of action whether it happened in the past or in the present. So, it has a fundamental role in the language. Really, it is beyond description how much important to know the […]...
10. One day a teacher was teaching religion One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?” Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. “I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of […]...
11. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a […]...
12. Перевод слова teacher Teacher – учитель, преподаватель Перевод слова Teacher edition – издание для учителей; методическое пособие teacher’s college – педагогический институт teacher education – подготовка учителей Experience is a great Teacher. Опыт – великий учитель. As a Teacher he leads. Как учитель он превосходит всех других. She was certified as a Teacher. Она получила диплом учителя. Происхождение […]...
13. My Foreign Language Teacher – Мой учитель иностранного языка (1) When we first come to school, a teacher meets us and says: “I am going to teach you how to write, to read, and to count.” No matter how many teachers we have after that, we remember our first teacher’s name for the rest of our lives. Teachers are with us during all our life. […]...
14. A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, “What’s the problem, Carol? I hope it’s not homework again.” “Well, uh, yes, it is.” replied Carol. “I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.” “Carol, you’re right, that wasn’t a very bright thing to do,” said the teacher, “but this once […]...
15. The way you are taught English Nowadays a lot of people all over the world learn English as the world language. There are many ways of learning a foreign language but most people begin learning it at school. So, what should we do to master a language. We must learn grammar in any language. Because we can’t build a house without […]...
16. A teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They […]...
17. A young female teacher was giving an assignment A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?” “Well teacher, I just […]...
18. Count till fifty The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like “cunt” and “cock” scrawled all over the blackboard. “Children,” she said, addressing the classroom, “you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now we’re all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I […]...
19. How do I Learn English В топике Как я учу английский язык – я рассказываю, как именно проходит процесс изучения. К этому я отношусь ответственно, зная, насколько английский язык будет важен для меня в будущем. Я переписываюсь на английском языке с девушкой, которая живет в Швеции. Я читаю много книг на английском. Каждый день я учу несколько новых слов, а […]...
20. A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you […]...
21. Lunching with English friends at the time of her husbands reverement Lunching with English friends at the time of her husbands reverement, Madame de Gaulle was asked what she was looking forward to in the years ahead. “A penis.” she replied without hesitation. The embarrassed silence that followed was broken by the former President. “My dear, I don’t think that the English pronounce the word like […]...
22. A school teacher injured his back and had to wear A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. […]...
23. Значение идиомы weigh one’s words [weigh one’s words] {v. phr.} To choose your words carefully; becareful to use the right words. When a teacher explains aboutreligion, he must weigh his words because his pupils may be of severaldifferent faiths. When old Mr. Jones talked to the students aboutbecoming teachers, he spoke slowly, weighing his words. In adebate, a political candidate […]...
24. English Competitions – Конкурсы по английскому языку English competitions in general give a great opportunity for learners to improve their writing, speaking, reading translation skills, creativity, to develop the interest in the research field. The competitions are usually interesting and attract those who are really interested in English learning, learners like to show what they know and what they have learned. As […]...
25. In the Sex Ed class the teacher says In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, “All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex.” The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, “Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?” Johnny […]...
26. English throughout My Life – Английский язык в моей жизни To begin with, it should be mentioned that studying English has already become an inseparable part of my life. I am sure this language is like a “lucky ticket” to my future life. Ludwig Wittgenstein said, “The limits of my language are the limits of my Universe”. And that’s really so because knowledge of different […]...
27. English language Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language? Let’s face it English is a stupid language. There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England French fries were not invented in France. We […]...
28. My Foreign Language Teacher – Мой учитель иностранного языка (2) Learning of a foreign language is not an easy task. It is a long and slow process takes a lot of time and efforts. That is why it is very important to have a good teacher. I am very grateful to my English teacher who made me interested in this subject. She is the person […]...
29. English horn Q: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured? A: One is far more painful to your ears. Q: What’s the name of a good English horn player? A: I’ll tell you when I meet one. Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb? […]...
30. My Foreign Language Teacher – Мой учитель иностранного языка Learning of a foreign language is not an easy task. It is a long and slow process that takes a lot of time and efforts. That is why it is very important to have a good teacher. I am very grateful to my English teacher who made me interested in this subject. She is the […]...
31. One day in class the teacher One day in class the teacher has sex education. On the black board she draws a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is. In the back of the room, Dirty Johnny stands and says “That’s a penis, and my father has two of them”. The teacher looks surprised and […]...
32. Examinations in English – Экзамены по английскому языку Examinations in English can be considered differently. As a well-known English proverb says, “So many man, so many minds”. What are such exams for me? Being an inseparable part of any curriculum, exams are simple tests to get over or to fail. It is true, but the role of the exams in English is much […]...
33. Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, […]...
34. Перевод слова English English – английский, английский язык Перевод слова Spoken English – разговорный английский broken English – ломаный английский not English – не по-английски the whole field of English history – вся английская история English is spoken here. Здесь говорят по-английски. His English was perfect. Он безупречно говорил по-английски. Her English is idiomatic. Она говорит по-английски практически […]...
35. The English Language – Английский язык (2) The English Language (2) English is spoken practically all over the world. It is spoken as the mother tongue in Great Britain, the United States of America, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. A lot of people speak English in China, Japan, India, Africa and other countries – It is one of 6 official languages of […]...
36. Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. “I call my man ‘Eight,’ ” said the first woman, “Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.” The second woman said in response, “I call my […]...
37. Europe English The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known […]...
38. Mrs. Prussy The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents. The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered her name and little […]...
39. Greatest way to learn English Mullah Nasrudin, wisest man in Islam, entered England of a visit. “Do you have anything to declare?” asked the customs inspector. “No – sssssst, bzzz – nothing at all.” “How long do you plan to stay?” “Oh, about – ssssssssszzzzt, bzzz – about three weeks.” “By the way, where did you learn English?” “From the […]...
40. Do you speak English Шпрэхэн зэ дойч?. Do you speak English? Вы говорите по-английски? German? По немецки? French? По-французски? Spanish? По-испански? Russian? По-русски? Can you speak Japanese? Вы можете говорить по-японски? Chinese? По-китайски? Hindi? На хинди? Just a little. Немного. A little. Чуть-чуть. I only know few words. Я знаю лишь несколько слов. I don’t speak English. Я не […]...