Punctuation marks

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1. An English teacher An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: “woman without her man is nothing”. The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”...
2. Count till fifty The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like “cunt” and “cock” scrawled all over the blackboard. “Children,” she said, addressing the classroom, “you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now we’re all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I […]...
3. The Lesson of English As you know, our group has two English lessons a week: on Tuesday and Friday. When the teacher comes and opens the door, we come in and sit down. Then we open our bags and take our exercise-books and Bonk’s text-books. And soon the lesson begins… We usually start it by pronouncing different words and […]...
4. My English lesson As you know, our group has two English lessons a week: on Tuesday and Friday. When the teacher comes and opens the door, we come in and sit down. Then we open our bags and take our exercise-books and Bonk’s text-books. And soon the lesson begins… We usually start it by pronouncing different words and […]...
5. A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis. The professor commented, “Oh, no, I wanted it the other way.” She replied, “What other […]...
6. Перевод слова blackboard Blackboard – классная доска Перевод слова Clean the blackboard – вытирать доску blackboard eraser – тряпка для доски scrape of chalk on the blackboard – скрип мела по доске I erased the chalk marks from the Blackboard. Я стер мел с классной доски. She scraped her fingernails across the Blackboard. Она скребла своими ногтями по […]...
7. The Importance Of Correct Punctuation The Importance Of “Correct Punctuation” Dear John: I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I […]...
8. At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his students human reproduction. For an exam, one of the questions was: “Female humans are born with a limited number of eggs, while males, during their lifetime, produce millions upon millions of sperm. Why are so many sperm produced?” One young woman’s answer: “Because they won’t […]...
9. Oxford – the University Town This university town is very beautiful. The oldest university there is Oxford. The first of its colleges was founded in 1249. The university now has thirty-five colleges and about thirteen thousand students, many of them from other countries. There were no women at Oxford until 1878. When the first women’s college Lady Margaret Hall, opened. […]...
10. Chemistry song 06 Quantum Chemistry On the first day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: An exam in Quantum Chemistry. On the second day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: a double integral and an exam in Quantum Chemistry. On the third day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: three orbitals, a double integral, and […]...
11. Перевод слова professor Professor – профессор, преподаватель Перевод слова Former University professor – бывший преподаватель университета professor of sociology – преподаватель социологии a promotion to the rank of professor – присвоение звания профессора The new Professor always pontificates. Новый профессор всегда занимался догматическими разглагольствованиями. He looked like a nutty Professor. Он выглядел как полоумный профессор. The Professor flunked […]...
12. Значение идиомы weigh one’s words [weigh one’s words] {v. phr.} To choose your words carefully; becareful to use the right words. When a teacher explains aboutreligion, he must weigh his words because his pupils may be of severaldifferent faiths. When old Mr. Jones talked to the students aboutbecoming teachers, he spoke slowly, weighing his words. In adebate, a political candidate […]...
13. Значение идиомы Pidgin English [Pidgin English] {n. phr.} A jargon that consists of somemispronounced English words and some foreign words used by Orientalsin talking with Westerners. You can conduct a lot of business inPidgin English in the Far East....
14. Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, […]...
15. Fun on first day of class This is for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you do any of these things on the first day of class or for that matter, on any day of class. 1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, “Quite right, old bean!” 2. Wear […]...
16. Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. “I call my man ‘Eight,’ ” said the first woman, “Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.” The second woman said in response, “I call my […]...
17. Studying English grammar First of all, grammar is a main component of any language in the world. Without grammar, you can’t understand, for example, the time of action whether it happened in the past or in the present. So, it has a fundamental role in the language. Really, it is beyond description how much important to know the […]...
18. Life is cruel What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are. What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him. What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful […]...
19. Three guys are discussing women Three guys are discussing women. “I like to watch a woman’s tits best,” the first guy says. The second says “I like to look at a woman’s ass.” He asks the third guy “What about you?”. “Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.”...
20. Two men and one woman Long, but pretty good: On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 […]...
21. Значение идиомы X marks the spot [X marks the spot] An indication made on maps or documents ofimportance to call attention to a place or a feature of someimportance. The treasure hunter said to his companion, “Here it is;X marks the spot.”...
22. Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing ——————————— It’s the only type of cooking a “real” man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat […]...
23. The woman’s secret At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. “No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.” “I don’t know about that,” huffily answered a woman guest. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.” “You’ll let it out some day,” the […]...
24. Значение идиомы have an eye for [have an eye for] {v. phr.} To be able to judge correctly of; havegood taste in. She has an eye for color and style in clothes. He has an eye for good English usage....
25. Nature of Hell A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.” Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when […]...
26. I’ve never understood why women love cats I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, […]...
27. Women’s instructions WOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So […]...
28. Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements […]...
29. Перевод идиомы X marks the spot, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: X marks the spot Перевод: то самое место, точное место, локация Пример: We looked at the map and saw that X marked the spot where the accident had taken place. Мы посмотрели на карту и увидели точно место того, где произошел несчастный случай....
30. How does physics save lives? One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask “Why do we have to learn this stuff?” “To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted. “It […]...
31. The evils of marijuana A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana. Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, “Used regularly,” he explained, “pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!” “Now wait a minute, professor,” interrupted a student. […]...
32. Short gender jokes A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more […]...
33. Dating Nice Guys and Bad Boys Jack: I’ve had it. I’m going to start Treating women like dirt. I’d get more dates. Alison: What brought this on? Jack: I Got dumped again by a woman who thinks I’m too nice – too nice! She says she wants to be with someone who’s more Assertive and Unpredictable. She didn’t say it In […]...
34. Значение идиомы rate with someone [rate with someone] {v. phr.} To be esteemed highly by another. The professor really rates with both the graduate students and theundergraduates....
35. Значение идиомы lash out [lash out] {v.} 1. To kick. The horse lashed out at the manbehind him. 2. To try suddenly to hit. The woman lashed out at thecrowd with her umbrella. 3. To attack with words. The senatorlashed out at the administration. The school newspaper lashed outat the unfriendly way some students treated the visiting team....
36. My Biography The topic that is given to me is “My biography”. It sounds too meaningfull. It means something very important. I am sorry to say that there is little to speak about my short past life. I am too young to have my own family, I am not married yet. My name is Vitaly. My last […]...
37. Reading Poor Handwriting Lily: Can you Make out what this says? Hassan: Geez, who wrote that? Lily: My doctor. She wrote down some instructions for me, but I can’t read her Handwriting. Hassan: I have no idea what that Chicken scratch says. Lily: I think that’s a “T,” but maybe it’s an “F.” Hassan: Face it. Those Scribbles […]...
38. Can you pass the Baby Boomer Quiz? 1. Name the Beatles, first and last names. 2. Finish this line: “Lions, and tigers, and bears…” (2 words) 3. “Hey kids, what time is it?” (4 words) 4. What do M&Ms do? 5. What helps build strong bodies 12 ways? 6. Before he was Mohammed Ali, before he was The Greatest, we knew him […]...
39. Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’. The other woman turned to her and said “I know! I […]...
40. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: “I don’t want to complain, but I think those […]...