At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his

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1. Back in the good ole days in Texas Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker kept eyeing […]...
2. This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, “Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas.” “Sure,” he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, “Is […]...
3. ‘Texas’ is slang for’crazy’ in Norway Y’all already all know that Texas is known for its slang. The state is home to a slew of Southern colloquialisms as well as totally unique sayings you won’t hear anywhere else. But did you know that the word “Texas” is in itself a slang word? According to Texas Monthly, Norwegians have long used the […]...
4. A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: “So, where y’all from?” The New York girl said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.” The […]...
5. A cattleman from West Texas died A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, “Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.” “The gatekeeper replied, “First of all, I’m not Saint Peter and […]...
6. Перевод слова university University – университет, университетский Перевод слова University chair – университетская кафедра university education – университетское образование university town – университетский город Harvard University – Гарвард, Гарвардский университет I work at the University. Я работаю в университете. She had dreams of University. Она мечтала об университете. I met my husband at University. Я познакомилась с мужем […]...
7. These two sperm were swimming around These two sperm were swimmin’ around, doin’ their thing and one sperm asks the other…Hey, are we almost there??? Is this the fallopian tube??? Sperm #2 says “Naaaa this is still the esophagus”....
8. Перевод слова produce Produce – продукт; производить, выпускать Перевод слова Home produce – товары отечественного производства raw produce – сырье to produce woollen goods – вырабатывать шерстяные изделия to produce steel – производить сталь Honey is Produced by bees. Мед делают пчелы. Paper is Produced from wood. Бумагу делают из дерева. He can Produce variant results. Он может […]...
9. A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trap Sorry Texans…. A Texas game warden came upon a coyote caught in a trap. He returned to his office and called the Oklahoma game warden and told him one of his coyotes was caught in a trap. “How do you know it’s one of our coyotes?” asked the Oklahoma game warden. “Well,” replied the Texas […]...
10. University courses for men and women Whatsamatta University’s Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required. 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do […]...
11. Two guys are driving through Texas when Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that? The trooper says, “You’re in […]...
12. Texas – Штат Техас Texas is the 28th American state, which is situated in the south of the country and could be denoted as the southeast continental part of the USA. Texas has border with other USA states: Arkansas, Oklahoma, New Mexico and Louisiana. The State is washed by the Gulf of Mexico. Certainly, this state has its nickname: […]...
13. A degree at Life University A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That’s right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man, as well as earn an AA degree (AA Real Men). Please take a moment to look over the program […]...
14. Перевод слова lifetime Lifetime – продолжительность жизни Перевод слова A lifetime guarantee – бессрочная гарантия warranty lifetime – гарантийный срок службы once in a lifetime – раз в жизни This is the chance of a Lifetime! Такой шанс выпадает раз в жизни! It would have taken me a Lifetime to read all those books. Мне потребовалась бы вся […]...
15. Oxford – the University Town This university town is very beautiful. The oldest university there is Oxford. The first of its colleges was founded in 1249. The university now has thirty-five colleges and about thirteen thousand students, many of them from other countries. There were no women at Oxford until 1878. When the first women’s college Lady Margaret Hall, opened. […]...
16. The Pope took a philosophy professor The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the […]...
17. A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis. The professor commented, “Oh, no, I wanted it the other way.” She replied, “What other […]...
18. A high school senior was inspecting Harvard University A high school senior was inspecting Harvard University, where he hoped to attend the following autumn. As he was walking across the Quad, he stopped a distinguished-looking man and asked: “Sir, can you please tell me where your library is at?” The man looked down his nose and replied: “Son, I’m head of the English […]...
19. Перевод слова professor Professor – профессор, преподаватель Перевод слова Former University professor – бывший преподаватель университета professor of sociology – преподаватель социологии a promotion to the rank of professor – присвоение звания профессора The new Professor always pontificates. Новый профессор всегда занимался догматическими разглагольствованиями. He looked like a nutty Professor. Он выглядел как полоумный профессор. The Professor flunked […]...
20. University Education There are 44 universities (not counting the Open University) in Britain. Although the Goverment is responsible for providing about 80 per cent of universities income it does not control their work or teaching nor does it have direct dealings with the universities. The grants are distributed by the Secretary of State for Education and Science. […]...
21. A psychology student at a local university A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered “When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.” […]...
22. American University Grading Procedures Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams: DEPT OF STATISTICS: – All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: – Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books […]...
23. Texas Police Hit Organic Farm With Massive SWAT Raid A small organic farm in Arlington, Texas, was the target of a massive police action last week that included aerial surveillance, a SWAT raid and a 10-hour search. Members of the local police raiding party had a search warrant for marijuana plants, which they failed to find at the Garden of Eden farm. But farm […]...
24. Oxford – the University Town – Оксфорд – университетский город This university town is very beautiful. The oldest university there is Oxford. The first of its colleges was founded in 1249. The university now has thirty-five colleges and about thirteen thousand students, many of them from other countries. There were no women at Oxford until 1878. When the first women’s college Lady Margaret Hall, opened. […]...
25. New University Promos It was clear that one day the Ivy League would grow desperate. The the average tuition (per year) for each institution is outta site and they just aren’t getting enough applicants. I understand that in a rash, unprecedented move, some colleges are taking out advertising in the middle of ‘Sesame Street’ episodes, to differentiate themselves […]...
26. Университет/ University На английском языке Перевод на русский язык University Университет Entering a university is an interesting experience in every person’s life. The majority of high-school students choose to continue studying at the university after graduating from school. They say that university years are the best. There are several reasons for this. First of all, being a […]...
27. “Мой университет” (My University) I think everybody knows that education is necessary to be successful in our life. I would like to work in the field of physical culture and sports in future and to become a professional sportsman and a basketball coach. To get my profession I need a university graduation. So after finishing school I passed the […]...
28. Ten pounds of pride A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds. “WOW!” was the response from everyone at the bar. Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, “Aren’t you […]...
29. A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed her constantly glancing down at his crotch. “Hi, there, I’m Jerry,” he said, as […]...
30. Перевод слова limited Limited – ограниченный, узкий Перевод слова Limited number – ограниченное число, небольшое количество limited ideas – ограниченные идеи limited views – узкие взгляды limited monarchy – конституционная (ограниченная) монархия He is a very Limited man. Он очень ограниченный человек. Seating is Limited to 500. Количество мест ограничено до 500. The event is Limited to invited […]...
31. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Университет (The University)” По-английски Перевод на русский Todd: Hi, Jane. How are you? Тодд: Привет, Джейн. Как дела? Jane: Hi, there. I’m fine! And how are you? Джейн: Привет. Все хорошо! Как у тебя? Todd: I’m very well, thank you. Haven’t seen you for ages, although we study at the same educational institution. Тодд: Тоже хорошо, спасибо. Давно […]...
32. Teaching Teaching The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member). A smart-ass student pipes up: “What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?” The […]...
33. A college professor’s going to bed with his wife A college professor’s going to bed with his wife. He’s not that tired, so he’s gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So he’s reading, and every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun spot… “Kitza kitza…” She says, “Will you stop that! Will you stop […]...
34. One day a teacher was teaching religion One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?” Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. “I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of […]...
35. A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He says, “A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse.” One student stands up and says, “Professor, […]...
36. Special High Intensity Teaching Memo to all students: In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity From students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S. H. I. T.). We are trying to give our students more S. H. I. T. than any […]...
37. A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny. So she said, “If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?” “Somebody else’s pants.” said the Little Johnny....
38. A mother was teaching her three year old daughter A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end…”And lead us not into temptation”, she prayed, […]...
39. 10 Quacking Facts About Ducks “From troubles of the world I turn to ducks, Beautiful comical things” – Ducks by Frank W. Harvey From Jemima to Donald, ducks have permeated popular culture due to their friendly and entertaining nature. But far from just being waddling bundles of feathers, ducks are actually very complex creatures… 1. THEY FOLLOW THE FIRST ANIMAL […]...
40. A young lady had just visited her doctor A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The […]...