• Definition of Programmer

    Programmer: A person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumberable poundings, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric...

  • Is this her first?

    A guy calls the hospital. He says, “You gotta send help! My wife’s going into labor!” The nurse says, “Calm down. Is this her first child?” He says, “No! This...

  • The Preacher buys a Parrot

    A preacher is buying a parrot. “Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?” asked the preacher. “Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assures him. “Do you...

  • CHECK THE BUFFETT!

    In a Texas bar, The bartender Fred was fed up with penis boasting from the regulars. So to put an end to all the boasting Fred says to them “whip...

  • Bass

    Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one. Q: How many bass players does...

  • A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day

    A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. “Nothing,” said the woman. Not buying it,...

  • The world’s greatest hypnotist is on stage

    The world’s greatest hypnotist is on stage in front of hundreds of people swinging a long chain with a watch on the end. He’s saying, “You’re all in my power…you’re...

  • Bending it further

    The old man was saying to his doctor, “You know, Doc, when I was young, it was as hard as a rock. As I got a little older, I could...

  • Homework

    One day, when Billy came home from school, his mom asked him how his day went. He said, “We’re learning about sexual education.” She smiled, and said, “At least he’s...

  • An old occupation

    What happens when people of different occupations get old. – Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance. – Old actors never die, they just drop apart. – Old...

  • Burger conversations

    M. I. T.: “I had a nervous breakdown this weekend.” “Have some fries.” Caltech: “I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend.” “Have some fries.” Yale: “I got mugged on the...

  • Some professions

    A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room. A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep. A schoolteacher is a...

  • Last Request

    Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given...

  • Reasons to stay at work all night

    1. Act out your version of a company takeover. 2. Find a way to change everyone’s password to “chrysanthemum”. 3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other...

  • Anti-shoplifting strips

    I just pulled one on somebody – I slipped some of those anti – shoplifting strips into the lining of the victim’s favorite jacket. I was set to pull another...

  • A Blind Mans Sport

    A Blind Mans Sport A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am...

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