Nauseous sex

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1. Crazy people talkA doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient ... Читать далее...
2. HEGSThe Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S «What’s that?», the patient asks. «It’s a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.» The patient wants to know if there’s a cure, to which the Doctor responds, «We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.» «Why only pancackes?», ... Читать далее...
3. After a bad accidentPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well… The bad news first… Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had ... Читать далее...
4. The good and the badPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we ... Читать далее...
5. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wifeA concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, «Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.» «Well,» the doctor replied, «go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say ... Читать далее...
6. A stuttering problemA man visits the doctor’s because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: ‘It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this ... Читать далее...
7. A man comes to a doctor andA man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, «Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?» «Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!» announces a proud physician, «They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You ... Читать далее...
8. An elderly patient needed a heart transplantAn elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, «We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd ... Читать далее...
9. This old man in his eighties got up and was putting onThis old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat. His wife said, «Where are you going?» He said, «I’m going to the doctor.» And she said, «Why? Are you sick?» «No,» he said. «I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.» So his wife got up out ... Читать далее...
10. A man goes to the doctor with a long history ofA man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. «Listen,» says the Doctor, «I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going ... Читать далее...
11. Describing Symptoms to a DoctorDr. van Eyck: Good morning, I’m Dr. van Eyck. I understand that you’re not feeling well. Nico: That’s right, doctor. I’ve had a Stomachache for three days. The pain Comes and goes, but I also have Heartburn and I am feeling Bloated all the time. Dr. van Eyck: Well, let’s take a look. Have you ... Читать далее...
12. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Осмотр у врача» (At the doctor’s)Patient: Good morning, doctor. Doctor: Good morning. How do you feel today? Patient: I feel better today, but I am still of-colour. I`m sleeping badly and I have no appetite. Doctor: A little run-down, I think. Have you checked your temperature today? Patient: Yes, my temperature is quite normal. Doctor: Get to that couch please. ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы turn one’s stomach[turn one’s stomach] {v. phr.}, {informal} To make you feel sick. The smell of that cigar was enough to turn your stomach. Thesight of blood turns my stomach....
14. Passing an examThree patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking ... Читать далее...
15. At the doctor’s — У доктораIs there anything more important than health? I don’t think so. «Health is the greatest wealth,» wise people say. You can’t be good at your studies or work well when you are ill. If you have a headache, heartache, toothache, backache, earache or bad pain in the stomach, if you complain of a sore throat ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова insertInsert — вставка, вкладыш Перевод слова To insert a diaphragm — вставить диафрагму to insert film — вставлять пленку to insert a key — вставлять ключ You need to Insert a comma between these two words. Вам необходимо поставить запятую между этими двумя словами. Insert the sentence between the brackets. Поставьте предложение в скобки. An ... Читать далее...
17. When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longerWhen the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient’s wife ... Читать далее...
18. SensormaticIs everyone out in net land familiar with Sensormatic? They are the company that make the large plastic clips that set off alarms when you exit a department store. I used to work for a department store and the is what we did. Open up the clip and remove the shiny piece of paper. It ... Читать далее...
19. The wife of an older man is distraughtThe wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, «listen, I don’t do this for ... Читать далее...
20. Elephants IIIHow do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge? The door won’t close. How ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы inch[inch] See: BY INCHES, EVERY INCH, GIVE ONE AN INCH AND HE WILLTAKE A MILE, WITHIN AN ACE OF or WITHIN AN INCH OF, WITHIN AN INCH OFONE’S LIFE....
22. There was this man in a mental hospitalThere was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы within an ace of[within an ace of] {informal} or [within an inch of] {adv. phr.}Almost but not quite; very close to; nearly. Tim came within an aceof losing the election. John was within an inch of drowning beforehe was pulled out of the water. Compare: BY THE SKIN OF ONE’S TEETH....
24. Перевод слова stomachStomach — желудок, живот, аппетит Перевод слова Disordered stomach — расстройство желудка pain in the stomach — боль в желудке on an empty stomach — натощак good stomach is the best sauce — хороший аппетит — лучшая приправа My Stomach rises. Меня тошнит. His Stomach worries him. Его беспокоит желудок. She got him on the ... Читать далее...
25. Doctor’s complimentA lady came to see a doctor because of sharp pain in her stomack. After examining his patient doctor gave out the diagnosis: — Madam, you have acute appendicitis. — Thank you, Doctor, but I came to be treated not admired....
26. ATM proceduresChase is very pleased to announce that we are installing new Drive-thru ATMs where customers will be able withdraw cash without leaving their vehicle. (Other accounts can also utilise this facility) Male and Female procedures have been tailored to best reflect the behaviors of those particular groupings. PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to ... Читать далее...
27. Перевод слова inchInch — дюйм, высота Перевод слова A man of inches — мужчина высокого роста square inch — квадратный дюйм inch by inch — мало-помалу, понемногу Caleb’s face fell a full Inch. Лицо Калеба вытянулось на целый дюйм. We Inched along in heavy traffic. Мы медленно двигались в плотном автомобильном потоке. Give him an Inch and ... Читать далее...
28. Describing Stomach ProblemsThere’s nothing I enjoy more than spending a couple of hours relaxing at a cafe. I sit drinking my tea and reading. What could be better? Woman: So I think I may have to see a doctor soon. You know I’ve had these terrible pains in my Stomach. My Digestion is terrible and now I ... Читать далее...
29. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Острое респираторное заболевание» (Having a Flue)Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? Patient: I`ve got a cough and a headache. I`m all feverish. Doctor: Did you take your temperature? Patient: Yes, it is 38.8°C. Doctor: How long have you been feeling this way? Patient: This way I have been feeling since yesterday. It is flu, isn`t it? Doctor: I`m afraid ... Читать далее...
30. A woman visits her physicianA woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down. The PhD asks her: «Well, what can I do for you madam?». The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so he says: «You can discuss any matter with ... Читать далее...
31. My heart setA certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and he was advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor, and the doctor said, «All right, let’s check you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and ... Читать далее...
32. A husband and wife are on a nudist beachA husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the ... Читать далее...
33. A dyslexic nurseTwo doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. «She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.» said one doctor. «Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!» The ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы clear up[clear up] {v.} 1. To make plain or clear; explain; solve. The teacher cleared up the harder parts of the story. Maybe we can clear up your problem. 2. To become clear. The weather cleared up after the storm. 3. To cure. The pills cleared up his stomach trouble. 4. To put back into a ... Читать далее...
35. PneumoniaA man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good. On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a ... Читать далее...
36. A dubious remedyA man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, «When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.» That same day the man went to the store ... Читать далее...
37. Eat oystersA lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach. «What did you eat for dinner last night?» asked the doctor. «Oysters,» she said. «Fresh oysters?» asked the doctor. «How should I know?» said the lady «Well,» asked the doctor, «couldn’t you tell when you took off the shells?» «My Gosh,» gasped the ... Читать далее...
38. A little changeThe patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said: «Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.» «That is very kind of you,» said the doctor emotionally, and then ... Читать далее...
39. Proffessional AcquantanceA well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening nite of a musical during intermission. A blonde shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray painted on her curvy body. She smiled and gushed, «Well, hello there Doc.» ... Читать далее...
40. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospitalThe medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, «Sol, I’m happy ... Читать далее...