Short gender jokes
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future...
Richard Olivier, the son of Sir Laurence Olivier
Richard Olivier, the son of Sir Laurence Olivier and Joan Plowright was only a little boy when, on the front at Brighton, he was confronted by the sight of two...
The story with the moral
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. He was a hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, “Gosh! If...
You’re next
When I was younger I hated going to weddings; it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the...
The talking dog
A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. “This is a talking dog,” he said. “And you can have him for five dollars.” The neighbour said, “Who do...
News from Washington
WASHINGTON, DC – Frustrated by failed attempts to turn public support away from the president, congress today announced it would begin releasing completely fabricated documents and videotapes on Monday. Speaker...
Piano
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor. Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer...
It is written in the Bible!
There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner. After a while...
A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt
A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer. One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man...
Passing a parrot
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady,...
Safe to swim here
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old...
A couple married forty years were revisiting the
A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence...
Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship
Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky? Pres: Improper? … Ain’t nothing improper about that. That was one of the the sweetest interns I’ve ever...
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, “We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who...
One of my first evenings back from overseas
One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl’s understanding parents left us alone in the living room. Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst...
A town in Poland had only one cow
A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000...
You tell me!
A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to “enforce the laws pending.” He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, “Looks...
Red shirt
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain...
Could you please pass
The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. “I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, “just as I...
A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items
A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with “WWJD” printed on all of them. He was...