A German shepherd went to a Western Union office

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1. Going to the Post Office For me, things never Go very Smoothly at my local post office. I’ve learned that if you want To mail a letter, you’ll have no problems. But if things get more complicated than that, well, Watch out! Yesterday I went there to mail a small package and to pick up a Book of stamps. I […]...
2. At the Post-Office В топике На почте рассказывается, для каких целей существуют почтовые отделения. Вы узнаете, как нужно оформить посылку и как отправить письмо. If you want to buy stamps, postcards, envelopes, to send a telegram or money order, to subscribe to newspapers or magazines, you have to go to the post-office. At some post-offices there is a […]...
3. Перевод слова German German – немецкий, немец, немецкий язык Перевод слова New word of German mintage – новое слово немецкого происхождения an obscure German poet – малоизвестный немецкий поэт words borrowed from the German – слова, заимствованные из немецкого the Germans – немцы He improved his German. Он продвинулся в изучении немецкого языка. He is originally German. Он […]...
4. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, […]...
5. Buying Stamps at the Post Office Clerk: Can I help you? Tamika: I’d like to buy some Stamps. Clerk: In what Denomination? Tamika: I’m not sure. I need them for sending regular letters and for Priority Mail. Clerk: The current Rate for sending a First-class letter is 41 cents. With first-class service, your letter will get there in three to seven […]...
6. Перевод слова union Union – союз, объединение Перевод слова A gracious union of excellence and strength – привлекательное сочетание мастерства и силы customs union – таможенный союз union of sets – объединение множеств Soviet Union – Советский Союз They live in perfect Union. Они живут в полном согласии. Their Union was blessed with three children. Бог послал им […]...
7. German Shepard on Golf Course A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse […]...
8. At the Post-Office – На почте I like to go to the post-office because post is one of the things that link people living in different cities and coun­tries. There are some counters at the post-office. At one of them you can buy envelopes, stamps, post cards. You can write a letter right there and post it or you can write […]...
9. Organizing Your Office I have a very Disorganized office. My co-workers have been making jokes about my office for a long time, and my boss finally Cracked down on me. He told me: “Get the office organized by Friday – no excuses!” What choice did I have? I’ve always been a Pack rat. I hate to throw anything […]...
10. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors office A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die”. 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, […]...
11. Перевод слова blank Blank – пустой, чистый, незаполненный Перевод слова Blank paper – чистая бумага blank bill – бланковый вексель to leave blank – оставить незаполненным Leave the last page Blank. Оставьте последние страницы пустыми. But what in Blank you are waiting for? Какого – сами знаете чего – вы ждете? Suddenly the screen went Blank. Внезапно экран […]...
12. German Jokes Q: How does a German eat mussels A: *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* … AUFMACHEN!!! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Q: What’s […]...
13. Accountant and farmer A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock”. The shepherd thinks it over. It’s a big […]...
14. A man walked into a lawyer’s office and A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”...
15. I saw a pen in a store the other day I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it cause it was prettier than most. The clerk said, “It’s made in Germany”. I said, “That’s too bad, I can’t use it then”. The clerk said, “What’s the matter? You don’t like German pens?” I […]...
16. A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald’s actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: “They don’t serve BEER here, you MORON!” The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly […]...
17. Wiring Money to Another Country Mahmoud: My brother emailed about an Emergency situation. He needs $300 by tomorrow, but how can I get Cash to him within 24 hours if I’m here in Mexico City and he’s in New York? Sharon: That’s easy. You can Wire him the money from here and he can pick it up immediately there. Mahmoud: […]...
18. Wiring Money to Another Country Mahmoud: My brother emailed about an Emergency situation. He needs $300 by tomorrow, but how can I get Cash to him within 24 hours if I’m here in Mexico City and he’s in New York? Sharon: That’s easy. You can Wire him the money from here and he can pick it up immediately there. Mahmoud: […]...
19. European Union The European Union or the EU is an intergovernmental and supranational union of 25 European countries, known as member states. The European Union was established under that name in 1992 by the Treaty on European Union, the Maastricht Treaty. However, many aspects of the Union existed before that date through a series of predecessor relationships, […]...
20. Перевод слова office Office – офис, должность Перевод слова Judicial office – судебная должность holder of an office – должностное лицо lawyer’s office – адвокатская контора editorial office – редакция His Office was bugged. Его офис прослушивался. He was removed from Office. Он был отстранен от должности. Foreign Office Министерство иностранных дел (в Великобритании)...
21. Пословица / поговорка union is strength – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: union is strength Перевод: вместе – сила (т. е. группа людей может больше, чем один человек) Пример: We cannot allow our opponents to divide us. Union is strength. Нельзя позволять нашим противникам разделять нас. Вместе мы сила....
22. An irresolvable problem A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt. He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged. “Have you always been that way?” asked the podiatrist. “No,” she said, not until recently. “I’ve been fucking a lot doggie style.” “Well,” said the podiatrist, “you are going to have to stop.” “I can’t,” […]...
23. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. “Doctor,” she explained, “the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.” The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on […]...
24. A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, “How many children do you have?” “Ten,” she replied. “What are their names?” he asked. “LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy,” she answered. “They’re all named LeRoy?” he asked “What if you want them […]...
25. The office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman The office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day someone asked him how things had gone. “She uses too many four-letter words for me,” was the reply. “Really?” “Yes,” answered the playboy. “All evening long she was saying “don’t” and “stop” and “quit that.”...
26. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked “Can i help you sir?” Our man said “Yes, I would like to change my name.” “What is your current name?” asked the clerk. “Martin Arsehole,” replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said “I […]...
27. Перевод слова post-office Post-office – почта, почтовое отделение Перевод слова Post office official – почтовый чиновник post-office receipt – почтовая квитанция post-office box – абонементный почтовый ящик post office coach – почтовый вагон date of a post-office stamp – дата почтового штемпеля It was an old Post-office where clerks candled the letters. Это была почта старого образца, где […]...
28. German Corporate Culture – Немецкая корпоративная культура German Corporate Culture differs from Anglo-American Corporate Culture significantly. The main difference is that the controlling and managing functions are divided between two branches of authorities. So the management system consists of 2 parts: the Supervision Council and the Governance Cabinet. In German Corporate Culture control share holding is concentrated in the hands of wealthy […]...
29. Play the Office Game Here’s a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows: ONE POINT Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. When they’re not looking, pour […]...
30. Another ethnic joke A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, “What a Pollack.” The Polish man said, “I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.” […]...
31. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the Phone Clerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back […]...
32. Значение идиомы box office [box office] {n.}, {informal} 1. The place at movies and theaters where tickets may be purchased just before the performance instead of having ordered them through the telephone or having bought them at a ticket agency. No need to reserve the seats; we can pick them up at the box office. 2. A best-selling movie, […]...
33. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the Phone Clerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back […]...
34. One day a lady went to the doctors office One day a lady went to the doctor’s office and told the doctor that her husband wasn’t interested in her any more he just wouldn’t have sex with her anymore. So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of 100 pills. He told her that “if you give your […]...
35. A middle manager is called into his bosses office A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the next Monday. “Downsizing.” He’s really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn’t seem fair. So for the next 2 days he […]...
36. The boss called one of his employees into the office The boss called one of his employees into the office. “Rob,” he said, “you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four […]...
37. Welfare office A young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job. The man behind the counter replied, “Your timing is amazing. We’ve just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his […]...
38. A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. […]...
39. Hacker fakes German minister’s fingerprints using photos of her hands Jan Krissler used high resolution photos, including one from a government press office, to successfully recreate the fingerprints of Germany’s defence minister. It’s an old cliché of security researchers: fingerprints might appear more secure than passwords. But if your password gets stolen, you can change it to a new one; what happens when your fingerprint […]...
40. Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. “Damn,” he says. “I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.” His partner replies ” What are you worried about? We’re both here.”...