A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child

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1. A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation centerA man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: «What are you doing here today?» Woman: «Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.» Man: «Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.» The woman looked thoughtful for ... Читать далее...
2. Go to the hospitalFour expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, «Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.» «What a coincidence!» the man said with some obvious pride. «I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.» The nurse returned in a ... Читать далее...
3. An elderly woman entered a large furniture storeAn elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. «Is there something in particular I can show you?» he asked. «Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa.» «You mean a sectional sofa,» he suggested. «Sectional schmectional.» she bitterly retorted. «All I want is an occasional piece in ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова deliverDeliver — доставлять, разносить, передавать Перевод слова To deliver an order to smb. — отдавать приказ кому-л. to deliver letters — разносить письма to deliver services — предоставлять, оказывать услуги Deliver the package to my home. Доставьте пакет мне домой. We will Deliver them up to the police. Мы передадим их в руки полиции. After ... Читать далее...
5. Delivering a babyA country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he ... Читать далее...
6. A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boyA woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy. Her husband isn’t there, and she doesn’t want to name them without him seeing them first. But the hospital insists that the babies must be named by the end of the day. Crazy Uncle Louie overhears this and he names them (unbeknowst to the ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова hospitalHospital — больница, госпиталь Перевод слова Mental hospital, hospital for the insane — психиатрическая больница hospital attendant — санитар больницы hospital bill — счет за лечение в больнице She works at Hospital. Она работает в больнице. Hurry them to the Hospital! Быстро отправьте их в больницу. She phoned the Hospital daily. Она звонила в больницу ... Читать далее...
8. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infantThe young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. «Doctor,» she explained, «the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.» The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on ... Читать далее...
9. One night, an 87-year-old womanOne night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to ... Читать далее...
10. The modest man is in the hospital for a series of testThe modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last test has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing ... Читать далее...
11. An older woman was in the pastoral studyAn older woman was in the pastoral study counceling for her upcoming fourth wedding. «Father,» she said, «How am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?» «My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be,» he replied. «Well Father, my first husband was a ... Читать далее...
12. A man and wife entered aA man and wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, «I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.» You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her ... Читать далее...
13. Giving Birth in a HospitalIt was 2 o’clock in the morning when my wife woke me up. She is eight-and-a-half months Pregnant and she told me that her Water had broken. She said that she was having Contractions and she was sure that she was In labor. I Paged our doctor and drove to the hospital. When we arrived, ... Читать далее...
14. A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open tableA man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and asked, «Do all the waiters ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова childChild — ребенок Перевод слова Gifted child — одаренный ребенок delinquent child — провинившийся ребенок disobedient child — непослушный ребенок He is but a Child. Он всего лишь ребенок. I was a timid Child. Я был застенчивым ребенком. He is our only Child. Он наш единственный ребенок....
16. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, «Do you know what I’m doing?» «Yes,» she replied, ... Читать далее...
17. An American woman and an Iranian womanAn American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, «These remind me of my husband’s testicles.» The American woman says, «That big?» The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.»...
18. An old man and an old woman were sittingAn old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said,»You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked.» The woman said, «Why don’t we try that again?» So they stripped and sat down at the table again. ... Читать далее...
19. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded womanA blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: «I don’t want to complain, but I think those ... Читать далее...
20. Is this her first?A guy calls the hospital. He says, «You gotta send help! My wife’s going into labor!» The nurse says, «Calm down. Is this her first child?» He says, «No! This is her husband!»...
21. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Больница (Hospital)»По-английски Перевод на русский Mary: Mum, I’m not feeling well today. Мэри: Мам, я неважно чувствую себя сегодня. Mum: What’s the matter, dear? Мама: В чем дело, дорогая? Mary: I have a strong stomach ache and I feel nauseous. Мэри: У меня сильно болит живот и меня подташнивает. Mum: That’s not good. Let me check ... Читать далее...
22. A woman consulted a doctorA woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she sufferred from excessive flatulance, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done nothing about it until now. So the Dr. took down all of her medical history, a process that took quite a while. At the end, the woman says, ... Читать далее...
23. A political man to a womanA political man to a woman, «You look beautiful today!!!!» The woman replied, «Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you.» «Sure you could!!» said the political man, «if you could lie as well as I do!»...
24. Значение идиомы deliver the goods[deliver the goods] {v. phr.} 1. To carry things and give them to the person who wants them. Lee delivered the goods to the right house. 2. {slang} To succeed in doing well what is expected. The new pitcher delivered the goods by striking out 20 men in his first game. This personal computer surely ... Читать далее...
25. A woman and her friend are visiting the zooA woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishhes her ... Читать далее...
26. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girlsThis elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, «cough drops» and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, «What are you doing here, m’am?» ... Читать далее...
27. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
28. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
29. Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy HospitalMr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. «Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,» said the nun, gently patting ... Читать далее...
30. There is a child molester and a young boy walking throughThere is a child molester and a young boy walking through a deep remote forest. After a while the boy gets very cold and frightened so he says, «Mister i’m scared and cold, please let me go»,the child molester cries out, «You think your scared I have to walk home alone!»...
31. Remember a childA young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. «Pardon me,» she said, «I’m sorry if my ... Читать далее...
32. Значение идиомы with child[with child] {adv. phr.}, {literary} Going to have a baby;pregnant. The angel told Mary she was with child. Compare: IN AFAMILY WAY or IN THE FAMILY WAY....
33. Jones is driving past the state mental hospitalJones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for ... Читать далее...
34. John and David were both patients in a Mental hospitalJohn and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. ... Читать далее...
35. В больнице (At the hospital), лексика и слова по темеA medical centre – медицинский центр An outpatients department – поликлиника A university polyclinic – студенческая поликлиника A maternity home – родильный дом A reception – регистратура Surgery hours – часы приема A medical record – медкарта A health insurance certificate – медицинский полис A casualty ward – приемный покой A hospital ward – больничная ... Читать далее...
36. Перевод слова womanWoman — женщина Перевод слова A woman with history — женщина с прошлым a woman of great insight — необыкновенно проницательная женщина likely young woman — привлекательная молодая женщина man born of woman — смертный The mugger assaulted the Woman. Грабитель напал на женщину. She is a very determined Woman. Она очень решительная женщина. She ... Читать далее...
37. A fellow in a bar notices a womanA fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. «No thank you,» she said politely.» «This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.» «That ... Читать далее...
38. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospitalThe medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, «Sol, I’m happy ... Читать далее...
39. A woman reported the disappearance of her husbandA woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him. «Yes, please» she replied. «Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.»...
40. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, «Do you know what I’m ... Читать далее...