Happens all the time

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1. TromboneQ: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes. Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone? A: Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste. Q: How do you ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова twinTwin — двойник, близнец, двойняшки; двойной Перевод слова Siamese twins — сиамские близнецы identical twins — однояйцовые близнецы twin mattress — двуспальный матрац twin antenna — спаренная антенна Meet my Twin sister. Познакомьтесь с моей сестрой близняшкой. The ewes of this country rarely Twin. В этой местности овцы редко приносят двойню. Keeping up with Twin ... Читать далее...
3. Marriage quotes 12Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only hope to find in their butlers. — W. Somerset Maugham Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel they’re entitled ... Читать далее...
4. Good girls vs. Bad girlsGood girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good girls blush during ... Читать далее...
5. Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinksThree women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, ... Читать далее...
6. Understanding Men and WomenLucy: Jeff, Here’s a question. I was Just talking to Dawn. You know, they had their first Wedding anniversary last week. Guess what her husband gave her as a present. Jeff: I don’t know. What? Lucy: He gave her a Vacuum cleaner. Jeff: Didn’t she want a vacuum cleaner? Lucy: Yes, the old one was ... Читать далее...
7. Naming your childThere was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was ... Читать далее...
8. For me life is a dance — Для меня жизнь это танецFor me life is a dance. I cannot imagine myself without it. Every movement, swing, turn, makes the world brighter. I have been dancing since I was 5. And it is passion of my life. At first, I danced ballroom dancers. It is very beautiful and elegant. Dress, heels, hair — what could be more ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова apartmentApartment — квартира, апартаменты, жилище Перевод слова Dusky apartment — плохо освещенная комната next-door apartment — соседняя квартира private apartment — частная квартира They busted the Apartment. Они совершили налет на квартиру. Our Apartment is below theirs. Наша квартира находится ниже их. She lives in a small Apartment. Она живет в маленькой квартирке....
10. I’ve never understood why women love catsI’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы wind[wind] See: GET WIND OF, GOD TEMPERS THE WIND TO THE SHORN LAMB, GONE WITH THE WIND, IN THE WIND, IT’S AN ILL WIND THAT BLOWS NOBODYGOOD, SECOND WIND, STRAW IN THE WIND, TAKE THE WIND OUT OF ONE’SSAILS, THREE SHEETS IN THE WIND or THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND, THROWCAUTION TO THE WIND, WAY ... Читать далее...
12. Safe sexA teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around. Teen says, «Grandpa, they didn’t have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы second wind[second wind] also [second breath] {n.} 1. The easier breathingthat follows difficult breathing when one makes a severe physicaleffort, as in running or swimming. After the first quarter mile, amile runner usually gets his second wind and can breathe better. We climbed with labored breathing for half an hour, but then got oursecond wind and ... Читать далее...
14. Go to the hospitalFour expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, «Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.» «What a coincidence!» the man said with some obvious pride. «I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.» The nurse returned in a ... Читать далее...
15. Tell about a haircutThe story of someone getting a haircut. Women’s version: Woman2: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute! Woman1: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking? Woman2: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut ... Читать далее...
16. The complaint letter from JudiThe complaint letter from Judi: We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this ... Читать далее...
17. Getting Rid of Bugs and RodentsApartment Manager: This is the one-bedroom apartment we have for rent. Let me show you around. Sherin: Wait! Did you see that? It looked like a Mouse or a Rat. Apartment Manager: There aren’t any Rodents or any other Vermin in this Apartment complex. I make sure of that. Sherin: Are you sure? Apartment Manager: ... Читать далее...
18. LoveLove is the best feeling in the world. Love makes the world go round. It is the greatest mystery of all times. If you ask someone «What is love?», he or she will hardly find enough words to express its meaning. Love can be different. There is love for parents, love for children, love for ... Читать далее...
19. Jones is driving past the state mental hospitalJones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for ... Читать далее...
20. Judi was bored with driving her BMWJudi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова windWind — ветер Перевод слова A bitter wind — резкий ветер wheat buckling in the wind — пшеница, сгибающаяся от ветра fierce wind — свирепый ветер The Wind favoured us. Ветер был попутный. A Wind rose. Задул сильный ветер. You’re just wasting Wind. Ты только сотрясаешь воздух....
22. Значение идиомы keel over[keel over] {v.} 1. To turn upside down; tip over; overturn. — Usually refers to a boat. The strong wind made the sailboat keelover and the passengers fell into the water. 2. {informal} To fallover in a faint; taint. It was so hot during the assembly programthat two girls who were standing on the stage ... Читать далее...
23. This woman has her bridge club every Thursday nightThis woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. «Oh, no! I ... Читать далее...
24. A man goes into a bar with his pet octopusA man goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says «I’ll bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus CAN’T play’ The people in the bar look around, and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes the string, and starts ... Читать далее...
25. Household itemsBack in the ’70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned to his friend, and said, «Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, ‘Oh, great. Now I’ll have to ... Читать далее...
26. Marital SexWhile making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn’t enjoy it. Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: «What happened, did I hurt you?» «Why no, not at all,» said his surprised wife. «Whatever made you ... Читать далее...
27. This fellow dies and goes to heavenThis fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions. Guy: «Why are girls so pretty?» God: «So you’ll like them.» Guy: «Why are girls soft?» God: «So you’ll like them.» Guy: «Why are girls so dumb?» God: «So they’ll like you.»...
28. Jon starts working in a lumber campJon starts working in a lumber camp. The boss says, «We work twelve hours a day, we eat two meals a day, lights out at ten-thirty, and you can put your dick in the barrel over there for a blow job any day but Thursday.» Jon says, «Why not Thursday?» The boss says, «Because Thursday ... Читать далее...
29. Значение идиомы make love[make love] {v. phr.} 1. To be warm, loving, and tender towardsomeone of the opposite sex; try to get him or her to love you too. There was moonlight on the roses and he made love to her in the porchswing. 2. To have sexual relations with. It is rumoredthat Alfred makes love to every ... Читать далее...
30. A bored woman says to her husbandA bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together, «Guess what I have in here and you’ll get some loving tonite.» The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all replies, «An elephant». The wife sez «That’s close enough!»...
31. Darling, she whispered after they had finished making love«Darling,» she whispered after they had finished making love, «Will you still make love like that to me after we’re married?» He considered this for a moment, and then replied, «I think so. I’ve always been especially fond of married women.»...
32. Фразовый глагол turn on (3) — перевод и значение, пример использованияФразовый глагол: turn on (3) Перевод: включать Пример: Turn on the TV. The baseball game starts in a few minutes. Включи телевизор. Бейсбольный матч начинается через несколько минут....
33. Very stupid musicianAugust, 1998, Montevideo, Uruguay Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra’s performance of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture at an outdoor children’s concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which ... Читать далее...
34. Purchasing a New BirdAfter many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on ... Читать далее...
35. Appearance: Parts of the Face — ВнешностьPeople who can’t hear often learn to understand a spoken language with their eyes. They watch the mouth of the person talking and follow the movement of his lips. This is called lip-reading. Some people think the distance between your hair and your eyebrows is a sign of how you are intelligent. The bigger your ... Читать далее...
36. Women’s translationsWOMEN’S LANGUAGE TRANSLATED Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry. We need… = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want… = You’ll pay for this later. We need to talk… = I need to complain Sure…go ... Читать далее...
37. Describing Shapes and SizesCarson: Your apartment is going to look fabulous once I’m finished Decorating it! Brooke: I really appreciate you taking the time to help me choose some furniture, but I’d really like to keep the look Conservative and traditional. Carson: Nonsense! You have a fabulous new apartment and I’m going to help you Make the most ... Читать далее...
38. Try to explain womenA man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. «Sure,» GOD says, «Go right ahead». «OK,» the man says. «Why did you make women so pretty?» GOD says, «So you would like them.» «OK,» the guy says. «But how come you ... Читать далее...
39. Life is cruelWhat women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are. What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him. What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful ... Читать далее...
40. Are YOU A HARD MAN?1/. When reaching your sexual climax do you? A) Make low moaning sounds in her ear. b) Suck on her neck to produce a love bite. c) Shove your thumb up her arse so she screams her tits off. 2/. You’re in bed one night and she whispers «I love you». Do you? A) Whisper ... Читать далее...