George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard II

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1. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard VI Appear to Work Late. Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e. […]...
2. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IX Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive....
3. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard III Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you […]...
4. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IV Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing – they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail […]...
5. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard I George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard I Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re […]...
6. The last day working “You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……” You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old […]...
7. Computer Revolution Топик Компьютерная революция рассказывает о том, как много преимуществ получил человек с момента изобретения компьютера. Например, они экономят много времени и редко ошибаются; намного быстрее и проще получить информацию в Интернете, чем просмотреть горы книг в библиотеке; покупки в онлайн-магазинах тоже экономят наше время и деньги; а отправить письмо по электронной почте – быстрее и […]...
8. Jon starts working in a lumber camp Jon starts working in a lumber camp. The boss says, “We work twelve hours a day, we eat two meals a day, lights out at ten-thirty, and you can put your dick in the barrel over there for a blow job any day but Thursday.” Jon says, “Why not Thursday?” The boss says, “Because Thursday […]...
9. Перевод слова defence Defence – защита Перевод слова To busk for defence – искать защиты defence counsellor – защитник defence ministry – министерство обороны Best Defence is offence. Лучшая защита – это нападение. They sprang to her Defence. Они бросились ее защищать. The Defence rests its case. Защите нечего добавить....
10. Working for an Impossible Boss Mr. Mann: Why are all these people Milling around doing no work? Laura! You’re In charge when I’m out of the office and you’re Incompetent! Laura: Mr. Mann, we need to talk in private. Let’s go into your office. Mr. Mann: What is this about? Laura: Mr. Mann, I’ve tried to do my job the […]...
11. Anybody Home? A boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to the youngster, the boss asked, “Is […]...
12. Working Overtime Jeremy: Hello. Miranda: Hi, it’s me. I can’t make it home for dinner tonight. I’m working Overtime. Jeremy: Again? That’s the third time this week. I can’t believe your boss is making you do this. Miranda: Don’t get mad, but I actually told him that I Didn’t mind. I know I’ve been working Long hours, […]...
13. Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to find out whether computer is male or female: one group was male, and the other group was female. The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as “HE” because: 1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them […]...
14. Working as an Intern Jonas: How’s your new job? Crystal: It’s not a job Exactly. It’s an Internship. Jonas: Oh, so you’re working as somebody’s Lackey and getting paid a Pittance. Crystal: No, not exactly. I’m doing a lot of Scut work and I’m not getting paid a lot, but I’m getting very valuable On-the-job experience. Jonas: Sure you […]...
15. Working With the IT Department Whenever I have a Technology problem at work, I try to solve it myself. It’s not that I know a lot of about technology. In fact, the Opposite is true. I’m Pretty much a Computer illiterate, but I still try. Why do I Bother? The answer is the IT department in my company. Every time […]...
16. My Working Day (6) В топике Мой рабочий день (6) я рассказываю о буднем дне и о занятиях в школе (или на работе). По утрам я встаю в 7 часов утра, делаю зарядку, убираю постель, умываюсь, одеваюсь и завтракаю. Иногда я сама готовлю завтрак. После школы (или работы) я выполняю домашнее задание и некоторую работу по дому. Позже я […]...
17. Working Part-Time Jobs Luisa: Are you still here? I thought you Got off at 3:00. Max: I Picked up a second Shift. I Could use the money. Luisa: But I thought you had another Part-time job in the evenings. Max: I normally do, but the restaurant where I work has been Cutting back my hours, so I’m trying […]...
18. Ordering fast food The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our […]...
19. Перевод слова revolution Revolution – революция; вращение Перевод слова Communist revolution – коммунистическая революция cone of revolution – конус вращения industrial revolution – промышленная революция the revolution of celestial bodies – вращение небесных тел They called flat out for Revolution. Они открыто требовали революции. Catiline was meditating a Revolution. Катилина замышлял переворот. The Earth makes a yearly Revolution […]...
20. The office happenings Quote from a recent meeting: “We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done”. Quote from the Boss… “I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.” A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until […]...
21. Special High Intensity Teaching Memo to all students: In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity From students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S. H. I. T.). We are trying to give our students more S. H. I. T. than any […]...
22. A young bloke has started work on a property A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he’s half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he’s all right. “I’ve got a problem, Boss. I’m stuck ‘ere. I’ve hit a […]...
23. Surfing the Internet Isaiah: Aren’t you supposed to be working? Nancy: I just thought I would take a break and Surf the web a little. Isaiah: You’d better be careful which sites you visit. You know that Big Brother is watching. Nancy: The boss told us that, but I don’t believe it. They’re not going to care if […]...
24. Перевод слова saving Saving – экономия, сбережения; бережливый Перевод слова Saving of energy – экономия энергии saving of time – выигрыш во времени saving housekeeper – экономная хозяйка The teetotal system is a Saving of time, a Saving of money. Трезвый образ жизни экономит время и деньги. The girl should be commended for her bravery in Saving the […]...
25. Перевод слова valuable Valuable – ценный, важный, нужный Перевод слова Valuable diamond – бриллиант большой ценности valuable advice – ценный совет valuable discovery – важное открытие He gave me Valuable information. Он сообщил мне ценные сведения. I learned a Valuable lesson. Я получил ценный урок. These Valuable books are musts for you. Для тебя эти ценные книги жизненно […]...
26. Перевод слова teaching Teaching – обучение, преподавание Перевод слова Teaching machine – обучающая машина the teachings of experience – то, что подсказывает опыт teaching profession – преподавательская деятельность Peter switched over to Teaching. Питер перешел на преподавательскую работу. Jan has a vocation for Teaching. У Яна есть склонность к преподаванию. Teaching adolescents can be quite a challenge. Обучение […]...
27. Computer revolution – Компьютерная революция 50 years ago people didn’t even heard of computers, and today we cannot imagine life without them. Computer technology is the fastest-growing industry in the world. The first computer was the size of a minibus and weighed a ton. Today, its job can be done by a chip the size of a pin head. And […]...
28. Перевод слова software Software – программное обеспечение Перевод слова Friendly software – “дружественное” программное обеспечение software packing – комплект программного обеспечения software compatibility – программная совместимость The Software was developed in-house. Программное обеспечение было разработано внутри фирмы. The Software is due to ship next month. Ожидается, что эта программа поступит в продажу в следующем месяце. Microsoft dominates the […]...
29. Reasons to stay at work all night 1. Act out your version of a company takeover. 2. Find a way to change everyone’s password to “chrysanthemum”. 3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature. 4. Sneaking in the boss’s desk could land you an unexpected promotion. 5. Draw […]...
30. Working With Unreliable People Paul: What time is it? Jackie: It’s 2:30. The Cleveland office report should have been emailed to us by the end of the workday yesterday. What are we supposed to do now? Paul: If we don’t get their report, we’ll have To hold up the production of the Annual report and if that happens, somebody’s […]...
31. Bosses versus workers When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don’t do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy. When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that […]...
32. Working in a Dead End Job Agency employee: Tell me why you’d like to sign up with our Employment agency. Kurt: Well, right now I’m working in a Dead end job. There are no opportunities for Advancement. I’m already at the top of the Pay scale, so there’s no chance of another Pay raise. Agency employee: Okay, I’d like to find […]...
33. Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went […]...
34. How to Hunt Elephants – Comp Sci Style Computer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A: 1. Go to Africa 2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope 3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately East and West. 4. During each traverse a. Catch each animal seen b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant c. Stop when a […]...
35. Stop being late to work Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went […]...
36. Working as a Lobbyist Cody: You’re not the kind of person I would expect to work as a Lobbyist. Jada: Why not? Cody: I Picture lobbyists as being kind of Pushy and Corrupt, using Underhanded tactics. Jada: It’s not like that at all, at least not for me. I just use my Powers of persuasion to help my clients. […]...
37. Software Engineering Glossary of Product Terminology Glossary Terms -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Software Engineering Glossary of Product Terminology NEW: Different colors from previous version. ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version. UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition. ADVANCED DESIGN: Upper management doesn’t understand it. NO MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix. BREAKTHROUGH: It finally booted on the first try. DESIGN SIMPLICITY: Developed on […]...
38. How to hunt elephants – Lawyers style How to hunt elephants – Lawyer’s style Lawyers don’t hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping. Sent by Alex...
39. The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss. The brain said, “I should be boss, since I control what the person thinks.” The hands said, “I should be boss because I do almost everything for the person.” The legs declared, “I shuld be boss since I carry the body and […]...
40. Значение идиомы Simon Legree [Simon Legree] {n.}, {informal} A strict person, especially a boss, who makes others work very hard. Don’t talk on the job; the boss isa real Simon Legree. Everybody avoids the foreman. He acts like aSimon Legree....