Fucking onion

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1. Fucking bear Ones there was a wild-wild bear. He went through the wild dark fores an? drank beer, so he was drunk. – People don’t understand me, fucking people… I want to fuck them… i wanna fuck all the mankind! A second latter a wild hunter fucked a wild bear into his ass…...
2. From one of Tom Clancy books From one of Tom Clancy’s books: Commanding officer: “Alright! How about an attitude check???” Crew (In Unison): “I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!” CO: “Now, let’s be more positive…” Crew: “I POSITIVELY HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!” CO: “OK, How about a negative attitde check…” Crew: “I DON’T LIKE THIS FUCKING PLACE!” CO: “OK, How about a […]...
3. The fucking lights Tith the sun beginning to rise, the cabin of the jetliner was suddenly illuminated. “Who turned on the fucking lights?” a male passenger, who had been surly since boarding, snarled at a stewardess. The girl had had enough of this particular character. “These are the breakfast lights, sir,” she answered with forced sweetness. “The fucking […]...
4. NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings […]...
5. Satirical site The Onion is now worth more than most of the real news outlets it mocks SATIRICAL NEWS SITE The Onion – known for headlines like’World Death Rate Holding Steady at 100 Percent’ – has been valued at half a billion dollars, more than most of the news outlets it exists to mock. The biggest Spanish-language broadcaster in the US, Univision Communications, announced it has taken a 40% and controlling stake […]...
6. Chain Letter Type IV As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends. Friends – A friend is someone who is always at your side, – A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like a wet dog, – A friend is someone who likes you […]...
7. Bank Teller Bank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, “I want to open a fucking checking account”. “Please sir”, she replies, “we can’t have language like that in here.” “Why the Fuck not?” he asked. “Sir,” Came her retort, “I must ask you to refrain from swearing.” “I […]...
8. A wish for Christmas It is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup. He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and […]...
9. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
10. Fucking fucking [fAkIN] (471) употребляется как: V– Глагол (иметь сексуальные отношения с кем-либо; в принципе может быть и существительным с тем же значением); a – Прилагательное; adv – Наречие. В последних двух случаях к сексу не имеет никакого отношения. Примечание 1: Здесь, чаще чем где-либо, а именно в 30% случаев, встреч. пропуск конечного (g) с заменой […]...
11. A little game A game Check this out! It only takes about 30 seconds. Don’t cheat! Think of a letter between A and W. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. Keep going! Think of an animal that begins with that letter. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. Think of a man’s name that begins […]...
12. A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night and rolls over and shoves an aspirin down his wife’s throat. All of a sudden she wakes up and yells, “What the fuck are you doing?” “Just giving you an aspirin for your headache.” The bloke answered. “But I ain’t got a headache,” she yelled […]...
13. From Us The teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters “ILU” written on it. The teacher asks who left it. A little white girl raises her hand. Well sweetie, what does “ILU” mean? The little girl replies, “I love you.” The teacher says, “Isn’t that sweet,” and continues with class. The […]...
14. A hearty breakfast A man goes into a greasy spoon-type cafe and he says, “I would like one of your special full English breakfasts”. “No problem.” Comes the greasy little fat girls reply from behind the counter. “But I want it MY way.” says the man. “What do you mean your way?” comes the reply. The man says, […]...
15. A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant A stuffy matron is with a new man in a top restaurant. The onion soup gets to her, and as the waiter is serving the main dishes she lets loose a bombastic fart. Trying to save face, she says to the waiter: “Sir! Please stop that immediately.” “Certainly, madame,” replies the waiter with a bow, […]...
16. Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he’s never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, “What’s that, Miss?” Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, “That’s what your Daddy calls Mummy, Tommy.” Tommy thinks for a […]...
17. Beautiful – in a sentence The teacher says, “Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today’s word is “beautiful”. Little Sally, would you please come up here and use “beautiful” in a sentence?” Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for […]...
18. Как решить проблемы с пониманием Я (не) говорю на английском языке – I (don´t) speak English Я понимаю английский, но не могу говорить – I understand English, but don´t speak it Я чуть-чуть говорю на английском языке – I speak a little English Вы меня понимаете? – Do you understand me? Я вас (не) понимаю – I (don´t) understand you […]...
19. Man and a Policeman A man defecates on London Bridge. A policeman comes to him and says: – Sir but you are not allowed to do that in this place. -Fuck yuo! -Sir, but the Law? -I fuck your The Law! -Sir, but The Qeen? -I fuck your Queen! -Indeed? -In bed! -Sorry Your Majesty....
20. There are four basic types of chain letters: I There are four basic types of chain letters: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chain Letter Type I Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who as no arms, no legs, no parents, and no pecker. This little boy’s life could be saved, because for every time you pass […]...
21. Значение идиомы spell out [spell out] {v.} 1. To say or read aloud the letters ot a word, oneby one; spell. John could not understand the word the teacher wassaying, so she spelled it out on the blackboard. 2. To read slowly, have trouble in understanding. The little boy spelled out theprinted words. 3. {informal} To explain something in […]...
22. Best riddles part 3 What kind of soda must you not drink? Ответ: Baking soda. —————————————– What part of your body has the most rhythm? Ответ: Your eardrums. —————————————– How does Mother Earth fish? Ответ: With North and South Poles! —————————————– Where is the ocean the deepest? Ответ: On the bottom. —————————————– Where is the best place to see […]...
23. Buckwheat Lets the Cat Outta the Bag Buckwheat Lets the Cat Outta the Bag One day the little rascals were sitting in school. The teacher walked in, and said, “good morning class. Today we are going to play word games. I’m going to give you a word and I want you to put it in a sentence for me.” She said “Spanky […]...
24. Значение идиомы take care of [take care of] {v. phr.} 1. To attend to; supply the needs of. She stayed home to take care of the baby. Syn.: KEEP AN EYE ON, LOOK AFTER. Compare: IN CHARGE. 2. {informal} To deal with; do whatis needed with. I will take care of that letter. The coach toldJim to take care of […]...
25. Значение идиомы dead letter [dead letter] {n. phr.} An undeliverable letter that ends up in a special office holding such letters. There is a dead letter office in most major cities....
26. Europe English The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known […]...
27. Значение идиомы chain letter [chain letter] {n.} A letter which each person receiving it is asked to copy and send to several others. Most chain letters die out quickly....
28. Значение идиомы fuck off [fuck off] {v. phr.}, {vulgar}, {avoidable} 1. Go away! Can’tyou see you’re bothering me? Fuck off! 2. To be lazy. John said “Idon’t feel like working, so I’ll fuck off today.” Compare: BEAT IT, GOOF OFF....
29. Значение идиомы polish the apple [polish the apple] {v. phr.}, {slang} To try to make someone likeyou; to try to win favor by flattery. Mary polished the apple atwork because she wanted a day off. Susan is the teacher’s petbecause she always polishes the apple. – [apple polisher] {n.},{slang} A person who is nice to the one in charge in […]...
30. Перевод идиомы apple-pie / apple pie, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: apple-pie / apple pie Идиома: apple-pie / apple pie разг. Перевод: превосходный, образцовый, примерный Пример: His room was in apple-pie order. В его комнате был образцовый порядок....
31. Значение идиомы drag on the market [drag on the market] {n. phr.} An article for which the demand has fallen off thus causing an oversupply. Your type of word processor went out of style and is now a drag on the market....
32. My Favourite Subject Speaking about my favourite subject I must admit that I was privileged to study at a school where the English language was taught since the first form. It wasn’t a specialized English school, it was the school of fine-arts. Since the first days at school English has become my favourite subject. At the age of […]...
33. Перевод слова market Market – рынок, торговля Перевод слова Covered market – крытый рынок the market in wool – торговля шерстью a dull market – вялая торговля to dominate the market – доминировать на рынке The Market is active. Рыночные цены высоки. The Market is uncertain. Состояние рынка нестабильно. The tone of the Market is dull. Настроение рынка […]...
34. Speaking of spelling, here is a news bulletin Speaking of spelling, here’s a news bulletin…….. The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year […]...
35. The new Euro language The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what […]...
36. A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with “WWJD” printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn’t figure it out, so he asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for […]...
37. Changing of the English Language Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments. European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult – for example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a […]...
38. Tarantino This guy comes into a bar walks to the bartender and says” Bartender, I got a bet for you. I’ll bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a drop.” The bartender looks at the glass. It’s 3 meters away. He says……”You’re telling me you’ll bet me $300 […]...
39. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little […]...
40. The South Takes a Cue from Oakland Everyone is familiar with the plan to teach Ebonics in such leftist enclaves as California and Massachusetts. “Ebonics,” a neologism created by combining “Ebony” and “phonics,” is supposed to be the language of the untermenschen, the urban underclass. Here in the South, we have a similar movement, called “Bubbonics!” Created from mixing “Bubba” and “phonics,” […]...