Dishonesty at Work

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1. A man says to his wifeA man says to his wife, «Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.» Wife says, «I dont want to go.» Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, «It tastes like sh*t. Man says, ... Читать далее...
2. Asking for Information About a CoworkerAmina: What’s the Lowdown on the new guy? Earl: Which new guy? Amina: You know, the cute one. Fill me in. Is he single? Earl: I don’t know. I have no idea. Amina: You’re working with him side-by-side and you haven’t Gleaned any personal information about him? Earl: We talk about work. It’s not my ... Читать далее...
3. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова newsNews — новости, хроника Перевод слова What’s the news? — что нового? here is an interesting piece of news — вот интересная новость latest news — последние известия We heard that item on the late News. Мы услышали об этом в последнем выпуске новостей. That is no News. Это уже всем известно Pass the News ... Читать далее...
5. Limits to Advancement at WorkGloria: Did you hear that Manuel is quitting? He took a job with another company. Sam: I’m not surprised. He came up against the Glass ceiling and he decided To jump ship. Gloria: Really? I didn’t know he was Bucking for promotion. Sam: He’s been trying to become a manager for three years, but other ... Читать далее...
6. A difficult golf gameRobert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late. His wife asks him, «What took you so long?» The guy says, «That was the worst game of golf I’ve ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack.» ... Читать далее...
7. Time Off from WorkMy buddy from college, Jack, was getting married and our friend Rob was planning a Bachelor party for him in Vegas. It was going to be the Last weekend of the month and I wanted to go. The trouble was, I was scheduled to work that weekend. I needed to get the Time off from ... Читать далее...
8. Значение идиомы catch up[catch up] {v.} 1. To take or pick up suddenly; grab. She caught up the book from the table and ran out of the room. 2. To capture or trap in a situation; concern or interest very much. — Usually used in the passive with «in». The Smith family was caught up in the war ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод сленгового выражения work one’s ass off / work one’s tail off / work one’s buns off / work one’s butt off, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: work one’s ass off / work one’s tail off / work one’s buns off / work one’s butt off Сленговое выражение: work one’s ass off / work one’s tail off / work one’s buns off / work one’s butt off груб. Перевод: усердно трудиться, много работать Пример: You’ve been working your ass off ... Читать далее...
10. Job LayoffsPhillip: So, have you Heard the news? Mary: No, What’s up? Phillip: I just heard that the company is planning To lay off 20 percent of the employees in the next two months. Mary: You’re Kidding! I knew they were looking for some way To cut costs with the Lower profits this quarter, but I ... Читать далее...
11. Once some boys got together to play pokerOnce some boys got together to play poker one night, after about 4 hours of playing, Tim had severe chest pains and suddenly slumped over, one of the gamblers who happened to be a doctor, examined him, and to everybodies shock, poor Tim had died of a heart attack. All his friends didn’t know how ... Читать далее...
12. Not that my wife is the jealous type or anything, but one day at workNot that my wife’s the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. ... Читать далее...
13. Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranchCowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. «When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,» Joe began. «You mean the parking lot,» interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. «I walked up the trail to the door,» Joe ... Читать далее...
14. Reasons to stay at work all night1. Act out your version of a company takeover. 2. Find a way to change everyone’s password to «chrysanthemum». 3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature. 4. Sneaking in the boss’s desk could land you an unexpected promotion. 5. Draw ... Читать далее...
15. Performing Poorly at WorkCora: What’s up with Rob? He Hasn’t been himself lately. Doug: You’ve noticed, too, huh? Cora: Yeah, he’s been missing work and letting things Slip through the cracks. I’ve been Cutting him some slack and Filling in for him, but things haven’t improved. Doug: I know what you mean. I’d never known Rob To drop ... Читать далее...
16. Reading and Watching the NewsI’m a news Junkie. I like to read two newspapers everyday. I don’t just look at the Headlines. I read most of the stories. I like the Political news, the Business news, the Editorials, and the Entertainment news. The only things I don’t usually read are the Sports pages and the Classifieds. I also try ... Читать далее...
17. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы till the last gun is fired[till the last gun is fired] or [until the last gun is fired] {adv. phr.} Until the end; until everything is finished or decided. Fredalways liked to stay at parties until the last gun was fired. Thecandidate didn’t give up hope of being elected until the last gun wasfired....
19. Problems at the OfficeLucy: Hey Jeff, can I Pick your brain for a minute? Jeff: Sure, what’s up? Lucy: Well, I have a Sticky situation at work and I wanted to get your Input. You’re always so Tactful. Jeff: Thanks. I’m not sure I can help but I’ll give you my two cents. Lucy: Well, it’s like this. ... Читать далее...
20. A dubious remedyA man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, «When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.» That same day the man went to the store ... Читать далее...
21. Good news and bad newsThe McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife’s bedroom. «Kid’s……there’s good news and bad news.» «The bad news is your mother’s strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago» «The good news ... Читать далее...
22. A man gets home early from workA man gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. «What’s up?» he says. «I’m having a heart attack,» cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, ... Читать далее...
23. A Management DisputeJeannie: Have you heard about the new Management dispute? Salih: No, what’s happening? Jeannie: Well, the CEO is having problems with the head of one of the Subsidiaries. Salih: Which one? Jeannie: Lance Publishing. Apparently, the head, Bill Riker, is saying that he and the CEO differ too much in their Business philosophy and they ... Читать далее...
24. Charlie was playing with his little brother MickeyCharlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman. «Sure you can, Mickey,» Charlie said, «Just flap your arms really *really* hard.» So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below. Horrified, their mother ... Читать далее...
25. Critiquing Someone’s WorkNoriko: Have you had a chance to look over Russ’s project? Walt: Yeah, I took a look at it yesterday. If you have a couple of minutes, I can Give you my two cents. Noriko: Sure. Shoot. Walt: Well, it’s not what I Envisioned when we gave him the Charge to come up with a ... Читать далее...
26. Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up andCharlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on him. He asked if they wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at after they went home and got ready. Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he went to see him. ... Читать далее...
27. A work of artA tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. «What on earth,» she inquired of the artist standing nearby, «is that?» He smiled condescendingly. «That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.» ... Читать далее...
28. Saving the situationAfter attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, «What the hell happened?» «As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss,» replied the wife. «Piss on him,» answered the husband. «You did,» said the wife, «and he fired ... Читать далее...
29. Police Work Isn’t as Dangerous as You May ThinkAfter the senseless death and tragic funerals of two young New York City policeman, cops have got to be thinking about assassination. «I want to go home to my wife and kids,» said a cop to the New York Post.» I am concerned about my safety.» On NBC’s Meet the Press,» NYC Police Commissioner William ... Читать далее...
30. Being Reprimanded at WorkTania: What time is your meeting with Ted? James: It’s at 3:00. Why? Tania: You don’t seem worried. If I were being Accused of Misconduct and Up for disciplinary action, I’d be On edge. James: It was a Minor offense. I’m sure I’ll just get a Slap on the wrist. Tania: I heard about it ... Читать далее...
31. Making Controversial CommentsVivian: That News commentator should be Fired for making such Inflammatory comments. At least I won’t watch this show again until she is. William: As usual, you’re Making a mountain out of a molehill. She was just expressing her opinion, Albeit a Controversial one. Vivian: Her opinion is Offensive. Mark my words: Before the end ... Читать далее...
32. Hiring a ContractorMy company decided that it was time to Remodel our offices and I was Put in charge of getting Bids from contractors. The trouble was, I had heard Horror stories From friends who did remodeling and I was worried about finding a company that would get the job done On time and Under budget. No ... Читать далее...
33. Пословица / поговорка no news is good news — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: no news is good news Перевод: отсутствие вестей — хорошая весть Пример: Although the woman had not heard from her son for several weeks, she believed that no news is good news and she did not worry. Хотя женщина и не получала известий от своего сына несколько недель, она считала, что отсутствие ... Читать далее...
34. Good newsHiram answers the telephone, and it’s an emergency room doctor. The doctor says, «Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will be on a respirator the rest of her life.» ... Читать далее...
35. The bad news and the good newsHarry answers the telephone, and it’s an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, «Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for ... Читать далее...
36. Diversity at WorkJeff: What were you and Richard talking about earlier? It looked Intense. Lucy: Yeah, Richard said something to me that I Didn’t Appreciate. Jeff: Oh, no. I know how Insensitive he can be. What has he done now? Lucy: He asked me how long it took me to learn English. Jeff: But, you were born ... Читать далее...
37. Different Work StylesBefore I started my new job, I didn’t know that I would be working so closely with another employee of the company. I was used to a lot of Autonomy in my last job, and I have always been Self-directed. I didn’t need Close supervision and the boss never had to worry about me Slacking ... Читать далее...
38. Suggestions at WorkOur company has been growing very quickly and I was Put in charge of Reorganizing our office space to Accommodate several new employees. I asked my co-worker, Petra, for her advice. Fernando: I was thinking of dividing up two of the larger offices into four smaller offices. What do you think about that? Petra: Well, ... Читать далее...
39. My Work at the Foreign Trade CompanyВ топике Моя работа в иностранной торговой компании я расскажу о своей командировке в Лондон, где я перенимал опыт своих английских коллег по деловому туристическому бизнесу. Я был направлен в Англию своей компанией из Владивостока, на 2 недели. Из топика вы узнаете о распорядке моего рабочего дня, но еще я хочу отметить, что эта поездка ... Читать далее...
40. Learning Work Rules and RoutinesI was happy to finally get a job, but I wasn’t ready for a first day of work like this one. … Boss: This is your first day and my job is To give you the rundown on how we do things around here. This is a Well-oiled machine. Everybody has To pull his or ... Читать далее...