Characteristics of an Ideal Mate

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1. Watching Competitive SportsBruno: Hey, what are you doing? Give me back that Remote! Tamara: The movie I want to watch is on right now. Do you mind? Bruno: Of course I mind! I’m watching the Playoffs. Can’t you see that? Tamara: The playoffs? Oh, I’ll watch with you. Bruno: You? You don’t know anything about sports. Tamara: ... Читать далее...
2. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
3. Short gender jokesA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more ... Читать далее...
4. Finding Other SinglesI was tired of being Single. All of my friends had Paired up and I was Left hanging. Like everybody else these days, I tried using the Internet to find other singles, but I never had any luck. Cruising for my ideal woman among a bunch of Lonely hearts is like looking for a Needle ... Читать далее...
5. Conversation over dinnerConversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not — don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) ... Читать далее...
6. Types of Students in SchoolCheech: Is this your old Yearbook? Boo: Yeah, I found it while cleaning out my closet. Cheech: Look at your picture! You look like you were an Honor roll student. Boo: Don’t be fooled. I was just an average student, not the Valedictorian, but not a Dropout either. Cheech: Who is that? She’s very pretty. ... Читать далее...
7. Dating a Possessive PersonEliana: You’re here! I didn’t think you’d be able to come. Matt: Why? I like seeing a movie with my friends As much as the next guy. Eliana: Yeah, but it’s been weeks since we’ve seen you, ever since you started dating Helen. Matt: She doesn’t Own me. She’s a little Possessive, but I Put ... Читать далее...
8. Going to a WeddingI got an Invitation in the mail last month that really surprised me. My friend Ulrich was getting married! We went to college together and he always said that he’d never get married. I guess he found his Dream girl in the end. The Church wedding was going to be at 3 p. m. and ... Читать далее...
9. Psychological DisordersBrett: Hi, Dr. Mollie. Could I speak to you for a few minutes? Dr. Mollie: Certainly. Have a seat. Brett: I’m really enjoying your Psychology class and I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions. Dr. Mollie: Sure, go ahead. Brett: Well, I have a friend who is Nervous all the time, ... Читать далее...
10. Marriage quotes 03There was a man who said, «I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late!» Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. When a ... Читать далее...
11. Types and Characteristics of ApartmentsLily: Thanks for coming with me to meet the Rental agent to view an Apartment, but I think I’m Lost. I’m supposed to be there in 10 minutes, but I can’t find it. There are four different Apartment complexes located next to each other and they look Identical. Omid: Don’t you have the address? Lily: ... Читать далее...
12. Definition of Outdoor BarbecuingDefinition of Outdoor Barbecuing ——————————— It’s the only type of cooking a «real» man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat ... Читать далее...
13. A Good ListenerWoman: Hi, Long time no see. How have you been? Man: Oh, I’ve been fine, but I’m having some trouble with my son. Woman: Tell me all about it. Man: Oh, he’s 14 and in the past few months, he’s become quieter and a bit Secretive. He locks himself in his room and I think ... Читать далее...
14. The Blind DateI Broke up With my boyfriend last month. We had Gone out for a year and I was ready to Settle down. But, I could tell that he still wanted to Play the field before getting married. I don’t think Don ever Cheated on Me, but I finally realized that he wasn’t The Marrying type. ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова singleSingle — один, одинокий, одиночный, единственный Перевод слова A single purpose — единственная цель a single eye-glass — монокль young singles — несемейная молодежь a single tree — одиноко стоящее дерево Are you married, Single, or divorced? Вы замужем, одиноки или разведены? Being Single is not a crime. Быть холостым — не преступление. The police ... Читать далее...
16. Marriage quotes 02Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. It is true that love is blind but marriage ... Читать далее...
17. Women’s instructionsWOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man — unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова idealIdeal — идеал, идеальный, совершенный; абстрактный, нереальный Перевод слова An ideal place for a holiday — идеальное место для отдыха ideal happiness — воображаемое счастье ideal diagram — теоретическая диаграмма an ideal of conduct — образец поведения He is the very Ideal of a friend. Он просто образцовый друг. It was an Ideal spot for ... Читать далее...
19. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGEGetting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, «Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?» The other replied, ... Читать далее...
20. Household itemsBack in the ’70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned to his friend, and said, «Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, ‘Oh, great. Now I’ll have to ... Читать далее...
21. Ne day, this man, Tony, diedOne day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could ... Читать далее...
22. Talking About Attractive Men and WomenPamela: You know that your tongue is hanging out of your mouth, right? David: That’s because I’ve never seen so many beautiful women in one place before. Why have I never been to this beach before? Look at her! She’s a Hottie! Pamela: Isn’t that what you said about that woman over there? David: No, ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы lady friend[lady friend] {n.} 1. A woman friend. His aunt stays with a ladyfriend in Florida during the winter. 2. A woman who is the lover of aman. — Used by people trying to appear more polite, but not often usedby careful speakers. The lawyer took his lady friend to dinner. Syn.: GIRLFRIEND....
24. Whoah! Single men wash their sheets’four times a year’It’s a discovery no woman wants to hear — the average single male changes his sheets just four times a year. While they strip their beds every 3.1 months on average, unattached women change their linen every two-and-a-half weeks — or 26 times a year — a survey found. The grubbiest group for keeping sheets ... Читать далее...
25. Zeppelin voted ‘ideal supergroup’The four members of Led Zeppelin have been voted the UK’s ideal supergroup, with Robert Plant beating the late Freddie Mercury to best singer. About 3,500 music fans were polled for Planet Rock Radio and were asked to create their fantasy band. Jimmy Page won best guitarist, followed by Guns N’ Roses’ Slash and Deep ... Читать далее...
26. Attracting Someone’s InterestAngie: Ooh, it looks like Joanna Has her sights set on you. Look at how she’s Giving you the eye. Kenji: Is she? I hadn’t noticed. Angie: Watch out, she usually gets what she wants and she Doesn’t take no for an answer. Kenji: I’m not interested in Joanna At all. She’s not My type. ... Читать далее...
27. Перевод слова mateMate — помощник, приятель, товарищ Перевод слова I say, mate! — послушай, приятель! machinist’s mate — помощник машиниста cook’s mate — помощник кока What’s the time, Mate? Который час, приятель? I told my Mates some of these facts on returning. По возвращении я рассказал моим приятелям о некоторых из этих фактов. The first Mate was ... Читать далее...
28. Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinksThree women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, ... Читать далее...
29. While enjoying a drink with a mate one nightWhile enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he’d like to come back to her place. The pair jump into ... Читать далее...
30. A perfect choiceA woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn’t find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds: Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won’t ... Читать далее...
31. Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate HarryMick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing thing that happened the night before. «Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse she got aroused and then ... Читать далее...
32. Перевод слова typeType — тип, разновидность, классифицировать; печатать Перевод слова Modern type of a man — современный тип человека types of speech — виды речи she typed him a hero — она отнесла его к разряду героев to type a letter — напечатать на машинке письмо It is a Type of many. Это типично для многих. Have ... Читать далее...
33. Picking a FightI was sitting at my local bar waiting for my friends to arrive to watch the game. Two guys sitting a few seats away kept giving me strange looks, and one of them said, “What are you looking at?” I looked around to make sure that he was speaking to me, and before I could ... Читать далее...
34. Darling, she whispered after they had finished making love«Darling,» she whispered after they had finished making love, «Will you still make love like that to me after we’re married?» He considered this for a moment, and then replied, «I think so. I’ve always been especially fond of married women.»...
35. Three Irish women were discussing their respective matesCould this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. «I call my man ‘Eight,’ » said the first woman, «Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.» The second woman said in response, «I call my ... Читать далее...
36. These two guys had just gotten divorcesThese two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader’s ... Читать далее...
37. Finally, a worthy pyramid scheme!Finally, a worthy pyramid scheme! Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates… INSTRUCTIONS Anaesthetise your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton, (don’t forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and ... Читать далее...
38. Two old friends from the mountains ran into each otherTwo old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the local bar. One said, «Heard ya went to the big city Jeb.» His friend replied, «Yep. Even tried me out one of those ‘loose women’ ya always hear about.» «You don’t say.» said the first man. «Bet that was costly.» «Nope.» Jeb smirked. ... Читать далее...
39. Asking for Information About a CoworkerAmina: What’s the Lowdown on the new guy? Earl: Which new guy? Amina: You know, the cute one. Fill me in. Is he single? Earl: I don’t know. I have no idea. Amina: You’re working with him side-by-side and you haven’t Gleaned any personal information about him? Earl: We talk about work. It’s not my ... Читать далее...
40. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselvesA man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, «I’m ... Читать далее...