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1. Перевод слова advice Advice – совет, рекомендация Перевод слова Legal advice – консультация юриста to dish out advice – давать ненужные советы under due advice – при соответствующем уведомлении I’ll defer to your Advice. Я последую вашему совету. Let me give you some Advice. Позвольте мне дать вам несколько советов. Do you want some good Advice? Хочешь хороший […]...
2. Stupid people stories 02 Stupid people DEADHEADS A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify. THIS WOULD BE ME The judge called the […]...
3. Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, “I want you to help me get a divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.” “What do you mean?” asked the attorney. “Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?” “No,” replied the […]...
4. A judge asked a defendant to please stand A judge asked a defendant to please stand. “You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw.” From out in the audience a man shouted, “Lying bastard!” “Silence in the court!”, the judge shouted back to the man. He turned to the defendant and said, “You are also charged with killing a […]...
5. At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women: Defendant: “Your Honor, I wish to change my plea.” Judge: “Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?” Defendant: “No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn’t know there would be women on the jury. Since […]...
6. The local courtroom was packed as testimony began The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee. The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, especially since she had been […]...
7. A story with a morale A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. “Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.” Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. “Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.” Confused, […]...
8. A tough case was being argued in court A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of hundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied. “The judge’ll kill me. Trying to bribe him! We’re dead!” “I don’t think so,” his attorney told him. “I sent it in […]...
9. At night court, a man was brought in and set At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. The judge said, “State your name, occupation, and the charge.” The defendant said, “I’m Sparks, I’m an electrician, charged with battery.” The judge winced and said, “Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!”...
10. Getting Advice from Mothers-in-Law Marc: Who was that? Carla: It was your mother – again. She wanted to give me another piece of Unsolicited advice about Housekeeping. She’s called five times this week already. Marc: She’s just trying to be helpful. Carla: I wish she’d do it without being so Critical. I feel like she enjoys Finding fault with […]...
11. A technical bastard A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn’t, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, […]...
12. Пословица / поговорка advice is cheap – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: advice is cheap Перевод: дать совет ничего не стоит Пример: “Why do you like to dispense advice so much?” “Because advice is cheap.” Почему ты так любишь раздавать советы? – Потому что дать совет ничего не стоит....
13. Capitalist and Socialist Hell A young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard, “What […]...
14. Reward for goodness Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, […]...
15. Перевод идиомы sage advice, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: sage advice Перевод: хороший, стоящий, мудрый совет Пример: I waited for my friend to ask me for my sage advice regarding his problems. Я ждал, когда мой друг попросит у меня мудрого совета касательно его проблем....
16. A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three […]...
17. Baby bear wants to live somewhere else The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of […]...
18. Пословица / поговорка advice is least heeded when most needed – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: advice is least heeded when most needed Перевод: на советы меньше всего обращают внимание, когда они больше всего нужны Пример: Advice is leas heeded when most needed, and he never followed any of my advice, even though it was always very useful. На советы меньше всего обращают внимание, когда они больше всего […]...
19. Don’t arrest the judge A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, “Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?” “That it is, “Irish […]...
20. What Not to Name Your Dog Everybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog “Sex”. When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said “I’d like one too.” But then I said “This is a dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked […]...
21. Helpful advice for travellers Helpful advice for travellers: If you are going to get on a commercial flight, take a bomb with you. BECAUSE: What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the SAME TIME with a bomb?...
22. Значение идиомы beyond reasonable doubt [beyond reasonable doubt] {adv. phr.}, {formal and legal} Virtually certain; essentially convincing. The judge instructed the jurors to come up with a verdict of guilty only if they were convinced beyond a reasonable doubt that Algernon was the perpetrator....
23. Tough job A fellow getting a shave asked the barber if he had another razor. “Why?” asked the barber, “Is there something wrong with this one?” “I don’t know.” replied the customer. “But I would appreciate a chance to defend myself.”...
24. It finally happened A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, “I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I’m really curious… What does Hell look like?” So Saint Peter thought about it a […]...
25. Humor about Dumb Irishmen The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. “Now don’t let me ever see your face again,” said the […]...
26. Перевод слова defend Defend – защищать, ограждать Перевод слова To defend one’s interests – отстаивать свои интересы defend the case – оспаривать иск to defend a post – оборонять пост They Defend the right. Они защищают правое дело. I cannot Defend his drinking on the job. Я никак не могу оправдать то, что он пьет на работе. She […]...
27. When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, “Life isn’t worth living. I think I’m gonna top myself.” “Don’t be stupid, Joe,” said the psychiatrist. “My wife ran […]...
28. Перевод слова guilty Guilty – виновный, виноватый Перевод слова Guilty person – виновный; виноватый to be guilty of a blunder – быть повинным в совершении ошибки guilty conscience – нечистая совесть to look guilty – выглядеть виноватым, иметь виноватый вид He was declared Guilty. Его признали виновным. He is Guilty of treason. Он виновен в измене. Marie immediately […]...
29. Serving on a Jury Samantha: How was your first day on a Jury? Jinho: It was okay. The Judge swore us in and then we listened to the beginning of the Prosecutor’s case. Two Witnesses testified. Samantha: That sounds exciting! I’d love to be on a jury. Why didn’t they Sequester you? That’s what they do on TV. Jinho: […]...
30. Ne day, this man, Tony, died One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could […]...
31. Little Mermaid Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?” She replied, “no sir!” So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, “Did you like that?” “Oh, indeed I did, […]...
32. Types of Business Entities Ron: I’m only your Tax accountant, but let me give you a piece of advice. If you’re planning to start a business, you’ll want to carefully consider what type of Business entity you want to do business under. Marcela: Is that important? My parents ran a Mom-and-pop store for 40 years and they never had […]...
33. Strict school It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy “My name is Johnny Fuckhauer”. So she said “There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; […]...
34. Суд идет (английский язык в зале суда) In the courtroom |ˈkɔːtruːm| – в зале суда Direct contempt |kənˈtɛm(p)t| – неуважение к суду, проявленное в зале заседания To release from the court room – освободить в зале суда/ The verdict was pronounced and Robin was released from the court room. To expel from the courtroom/ put out of court – удалить из зала […]...
35. Collection 13 We know that you would give your life for us. Promise! When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I’ll say it was your stupidity. Well, I’ll see you in my dreams – if I eat too much. Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach. […]...
36. Guilty Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder. There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he’ll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick. “Ladies and gentlemen […]...
37. Staring down from the bench to announce the terms Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said: “I’m going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month.” To which the woman’s about-to-be ex replied: “That’s mighty kind of you, judge. I’ll try to help her all I can, […]...
38. Talk to the judge A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer’s tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge’s orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, “Counselor, you […]...
39. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
40. Last minute requests A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his […]...