A man is giving evidence in court and the defendant’s

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1. A young female teacher was giving an assignment A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?” “Well teacher, I just […]...
2. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say […]...
3. Перевод слова precise Precise – точный, определенный, тщательный Перевод слова Precise measurements – точные размеры precise diagnosis – точный диагноз just at that precise moment – именно в тот момент precise information – достоверная информация He is very Precise about dates and facts. Он всегда очень точен в датах и фактах. He was very Precise about doing his […]...
4. It’s not a big deal, but it feels good A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: “Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She’s got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it’s not a big deal but it feels good.” The next day […]...
5. Over the counter A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, “Do you sell Viagra here?” The pharmacist answers […]...
6. Giving First Aid Jeng: What did you do this summer? Cynthia: I worked at a summer camp as a Nurse’s aide. I thought we would be giving simple First aid, but you wouldn’t believe the kinds of Injuries the kids came in with. Jeng: You mean like Poison ivy, bee stings, bug bites, and Scraped knees? Cynthia: Yeah, […]...
7. Перевод слова quarter Quarter – четверть, квартал Перевод слова To draw and quarter – четвертовать, сурово наказать a quarter of an apple – четверть яблока a quarter past one – четверть второго several quarter s’ rent – квартплата за несколько кварталов The clock struck the Quarter. Часы пробили четверть. It’s a Quarter of seven (=6.45). Без четверти семь. […]...
8. The golf course A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you […]...
9. Serving Drinks and Cocktails Spencer: I’m practicing making drinks for the party tonight. Do you want to try one? Heidi: You’re the Bartender? I didn’t know you knew how To mix drinks. Spencer: I can Hold my own. Okay, Name it and I’ll make it – any Mixed drink or Cocktail. Heidi: Okay, I’ll have a Screwdriver. Spencer: A […]...
10. Значение идиомы by inches [by inches] {adv. phr.} By small or slow degrees; little by little; gradually. The river was rising by inches. They got a heavy wooden beam under the barn for a lever, and managed to move it by inches. He was dying by inches....
11. Перевод слова fool Fool – дурак; дурачиться, баловаться Перевод слова Arrant fool – набитый дурак he is no fool – он вовсе не дурак to fool away time – бесцельно тратить время Don’t behave like a Fool. Не веди себя как дурак. Stop acting a Fool. Перестань строить из себя шута. I was a Fool to trust him. […]...
12. One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were. When one couple arrived he announced “Mickey and Minnie Mouse”. As the next couple arrived he announced “Tarzan and Jane” and so on as each guest arrived. […]...
13. Three couples wanted to join a church Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the […]...
14. One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, “I did that by accident.” She replied, “I know that, daddy.” He replied, “How’d you know?” The girl said, “Because you didn’t say ‘ASSHOLE!’ afterwards!”...
15. Collection 15 If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. You’re nobody’s fool. Let’s see if we can get someone to adopt […]...
16. Значение идиомы scream bloody murder [scream bloody murder] {v. phr.}, {informal} To yell or protest asstrongly as one can. When the thief grabbed her purse, the womanscreamed bloody murder. When the city doubled property taxes, homeowners screamed bloody murder....
17. The story with the moral In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. He was a hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, “Gosh! If I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.” There was a fish in the water […]...
18. One day a teacher was teaching religion One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?” Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. “I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of […]...
19. Top 12 Insane Stories From “Wrestler’s Court” Wrestler’s Court is a type of “kangaroo” court that was brought into the WWE by Zeb Colter as a way for two guys to settle any beefs that they may have with each other before things come to blows or get out of hand. It’s meant as a fun way for all the guys to […]...
20. Crazy people talk A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient […]...
21. A new tax Department of the Treasury Internal Revenue Service Washington, D. C. To: All Male Taxpayers RE: Notice of increase of tax payment Form 1040 – P The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% […]...
22. Перевод сленгового выражения bloody, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: bloody Сленговое выражение: bloody Перевод: усилительное слово, которое может выражать практически любую эмоцию (удивление, негодование, возмущение, недовольство, радость, и т. д.), и может переводиться такими словами, как “проклятый”, “чертов”, “очень”, “крайне” и т. д.; иногда может вставляться в середине сложных слов для их усиления (см. примеры) Пример: That bloody idiot. Этот проклятый идиот. […]...
23. Describing Distances and Giving Directions Daniella: Could you tell where I can find a drugstore? Hotel clerk: Sure. There’s one Up the street near the Corner of Selma and Main. If you get to Abreu Avenue, you’ve Gone too far. It’s Set back from the street so it’s a little hard to find. Daniella: Oh, that’s okay. I’ll keep an […]...
24. Giving Opinions in a Meeting I was in a department meeting and our manager was asking for our Feedback on improving our product. I had a few ideas and I wanted To get them across, but one of my Colleagues was Giving me a hard time. Marcelo: In my opinion, I think that we need to look at the question […]...
25. Bad luck finding a place to hide A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight.” The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink […]...
26. Значение идиомы foot [foot] See: AT ONE’S FEET, COLD FEET, DEAD ON ONE’S FEET, DRAGONE’S FEET, FROM HEAD TO FOOT, GET OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT, GET ONE’SFEET WET, HAND AND FOOT, KEEP ONE’S FEET, KNOCK OFF ONE’S FEET, LANDON ONE’S FEET, LET GRASS GROW UNDER ONE’S FEET, ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE, ON FOOT, ON ONE’S FEET, […]...
27. Orange penis An old man goes to the doctor and says “Dr., I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My dick is orange.” The Dr. tells him to pull down his pants and let him take a look. He has no idea what is wrong so he asks the guy if he has recently painted anything orange. […]...
28. Giving Bad News and Condolences I was at the hospital at with my friend, Wendy. Her father was in an accident and she was waiting to talk to the doctor. Doctor: Hello, I’m Dr. Johnson. How are you holding up? Wendy: Oh, I’m fine. Is there any news? Doctor: Yes. I have examined your father’s Test results and I’m afraid […]...
29. Missing person Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, “He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is […]...
30. An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, “But you just got a new pair last month!” “Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,” stammered the private. “Accident, what kind of an accident?” […]...
31. The story of a very short man A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots.” Bartender says, “You want them both now or one at a time?” The guy says,” Oh, I want them both now. One’s for me and one’s for this little guy here,” and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his […]...
32. STANDING UP IN COURT In the dreaded French impotence trials, performance anxiety took on new meaning. Ink the Spanish Inquisition was harsh? Just as intimidating to many men were the French impotence courts of the 16th and 17th centuries, when husbands charged with erectile dysfunction were obliged to prove their virility before witnesses. A husband’s inability to perform was […]...
33. Значение идиомы on one’s feet [on one’s feet] {adv. phr.} 1. Standing or walking; not sitting orlying down; up. Before the teacher finished asking the question, George was on his feet ready to answer it. In a busy gasolinestation, the attendant is on his feet all day. Compare: TO ONE’SFEET. Contrast: OFF ONE’S FEET. 2. Recovering; getting better fromsickness or […]...
34. Giving Cats Pills INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill […]...
35. Investigating a Terrible Accident There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, […]...
36. Перевод слова accident Accident – несчастный случай, случайность Перевод слова Fatal accident – несчастный случай со смертельным исходом industrial accident – несчастный случай на производстве by a lucky accident – по счастливой случайности We discovered it by Accident. Мы обнаружили это случайно. It was a sheer Accident. Это была чистая случайность. He was blinded in an Accident. Он […]...
37. Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the barman Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi’s and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks […]...
38. Значение идиомы in evidence [in evidence] {adj. phr.} Easily seen; noticeable. The littleboy’s measles were very much in evidence. The tulips wereblooming; spring was in evidence....
39. Tommy goes into a confessional box and says Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The Priest says, “Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says “Yes father, it’s me.” The Priest says “Who was the woman you were with?” Tommy says “I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t […]...
40. Перевод слова evidence Evidence – наглядность, доказательство Перевод слова Climatological evidence – климатологические данные to adduce evidence in support of… – приводить доказательства в поддержку… to dig out the evidence – откопать улики Evidence cannot be hidden. Очевидность нельзя спрятать. There is no Evidence for these claims. Нет никаких доказательств для этих утверждений. The Evidence are inconclusive. Доказательства […]...