A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce

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1. Rolls Royce vs. Yugo A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!” The driver of the Rolls looked over and […]...
2. A guy was driving down the road in his Yugo A guy was driving down the road in his Yugo during a thunder storm, when his windshield wiper broke. He drives until he comes to an auto body shop. He goes into the shop, walks up to the counter and says, “Excuse me, but could you give me a windshield wiper for my Yugo?” The […]...
3. A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow $200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says ‘I’ve got a Rolls Royce – keep it until the loan is paid off – here are the keys.’ Six months later the man comes […]...
4. Two guys are driving through Texas when Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that? The trooper says, “You’re in […]...
5. Driving While Calling and Texting Pamela: [laughs] Did you see this Tweet from Sarah? She’s so funny. Josh: Hold on. I’m Texting Lance. I want to make sure he knows where we’re Meeting up. Pamela: [cell phone rings] Hello. Oh, hi Lance. Did you get Josh’s text? You didn’t? Let me IM you, bye. Josh: I wonder why Lance didn’t […]...
6. A policeman was patrolling near midnight A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He […]...
7. Перевод идиомы be in the driver’s seat, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: be in the driver’s seat Идиома: be in the driver’s seat Перевод: находиться у руля, держать рычаги власти, иметь контроль над ситуацией Пример: Money and talent will put you in the driver’s seat – in control. Деньги и талант поставят тебя у руля – все будет под контролем....
8. A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” “Okay, we’ll just get a […]...
9. Перевод слова fridge Fridge – холодильник, рефрежератор Перевод слова Fridge-freezer – холодильник с морозильной камерой fridge compartment – холодильник fridge-freeze – двухкамерный холодильник There is some cheese in the Fridge. В холодильнике есть немного сыра. Chill the dessert in the Fridge for about two hours. Охлаждайте десерт в холодильнике примерно два часа. He cobbled together a meal from […]...
10. Значение идиомы in the driver’s seat [in the driver’s seat] {adv. phr.} In control; having the power tomake decisions. Stan is in the driver’s seat now that he has beenmade our supervisor at the factory....
11. Dangerous Freeway Driving I do a lot of driving in my job. You would think that driving several hours Each way would Get old really fast, but I have ways of making an Interminable drive seem much more exciting. I like to drive fast on the freeways. I usually Pass all of the slower cars by staying in […]...
12. Перевод идиомы be in the driving seat, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: be in the driving seat Идиома: be in the driving seat Перевод: находиться у руля, держать рычаги власти, иметь контроль над ситуацией Пример: The consumer is in the driving seat due to the huge range of goods on the market. Потребитель имел весь контроль над ситуацией из-за огромного выбора товаров на рынке....
13. Значение идиомы have nothing on [have nothing on] or [not have anything on] {v. phr.} Not to be anybetter than; to have no advantage over. Susan is a wonderfulathlete, but when it comes to dancing she has nothing on Mary. Even though he is older, John has nothing on Peter in school. Although the Smiths have a Rolls Royce, they […]...
14. A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker. It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes up,”what the hell was that?”. The truck driver replies, “some kinda animal, go back to sleep.” Further the same thing again, bang, “What the hell was that?”, […]...
15. Значение идиомы backseat driver [backseat driver] {n.}, {informal} A bossy person in a car who always tells the driver what to do. The man who drove the car became angry with the back seat driver....
16. A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, “If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.” The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. […]...
17. Driving home very drunk It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before […]...
18. Taking the Driving Test Cesar: I just took the Driving test. See this? That’s my new License. May: You have to give me the Play-by-play. I’m taking the test next week and I’m Freaking out. Cesar: There’s nothing to worry about. It was easy. May: I’m not worried about the written test. It’s the driving test I’m worried about. […]...
19. A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn’t usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty woman is the driver so he goes back to help. As he is hooking his truck to her car he says, “You know, you […]...
20. Judi was bored with driving her BMW Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in […]...
21. A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?” asks the cop. “I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.” “Oh yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Lets see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts juggling […]...
22. Jones is driving past the state mental hospital Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for […]...
23. New family driver Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. “I’ll bet you’re back there to get […]...
24. A bus filled with politicians was driving through the A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians he buries them. The next […]...
25. These two guys are car pooling home from work one day These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. “Look”, he shouts “What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?” The […]...
26. A man is driving down the road for a long period of time A man is driving down the road for a long period of time. During his travel, he sees a priest with a gas can hitch hiking, so he gladly picks him up he says,”Normally father, i dont pick up hitch hikers. You seem like a man of dignity so i thought id make an exception. […]...
27. Elephants III How do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge? The door won’t close. How […]...
28. BUY YUGO WAR BONDS For $25 US dollars you can invest in the future of a developing country just out of the clutches of communism. What your $$$ buyz: Russian ammo for one freedom fighter for one month for the ethnic clensing! Their motto: I wanns be like Ike! A little behind the times, BUT! They model themselves after […]...
29. Drinking and driving The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The “Environmental Engineering News” published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries. In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, […]...
30. The Letter D Pulls Out LETTER D PULLS SPONSORSHIP FROM SESAME STREET Noted Consonant Alienated By Controversial New Gay Muppet NEW YORK–A spokesperson for the letter D announced Monday that the consonant is withdrawing sponsorship from Sesame Street following a Children’s Television Workshop announcement that a homosexual muppet will soon join the show’s cast. “The letter D is proud to […]...
31. A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever […]...
32. A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. […]...
33. A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, “I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.” […]...
34. Woman is on a bus A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.” In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and […]...
35. Перевод слова driver Driver – водитель, шофер Перевод слова Co-driver – водитель-напарник drink driver – водитель, управляющий автомобилем в нетрезвом виде learner driver – лицо, обучающееся вождению He’s a rotten Driver. Водитель из него никакой. He is a careful Driver. Он осторожный водитель. He is a pretty awful Driver. Он довольно ужасный водитель. Происхождение слова driver Образовано от […]...
36. An extremely loyal fan There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself “what a waste” he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, “Is […]...
37. Do this while driving Strange and silly things to do while driving. We do not advise doing any of the below “things to do while driving”, as all driving should be taken seriously. The below “things to do while driving” are simply here for entertainment purposes. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit. Roll down your windows […]...
38. Перевод слова cool Cool – прохладный, свежий; крутой, классный Перевод слова Cool wind – свежий ветер keep cool! – не горячись!, успокойся! you look real cool in that new dress – ты круто выглядишь в этом новом платье We were in the Cool shadow of the mountain. Мы находились в прохладной тени горы. Cool before drinking. Охладить перед […]...
39. Taking a Test Drive Mario: I’d like To test drive the new Racer. Leah: Sure, all Prospective buyers can take one of our cars for a test drive. May I see your Driver’s license? Mario: Here it is. Leah: Okay, come with me. Why don’t you get into the Driver’s seat and I’ll get into the Passenger seat? All […]...
40. Перевод сленгового выражения knocked up, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: knocked up Сленговое выражение: knocked up груб. Перевод: забеременеть, “залететь”; быть беременной Пример: She got knocked up by her boyfriend. Она забеременела от своего молодого человека....