A few questions and answers

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1. China blames America Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands. China blames U. S. for second mid-air collision! Beijing (Reuters) […]...
2. Questions and Answers at a Presentation Our company hired an Outside firm to Set up a computer system to help us Keep track of the progress on major projects. The company gave us a presentation on how the new system Worked. Afterwards, the employees got a chance to ask questions. Cecelia: So, In a nutshell, those are the Features of the […]...
3. A man moves into a nudist colony A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part. Later he […]...
4. The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says “You see? This is a failic symbol!” Girl says “Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller”...
5. At The Superbowl Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium – he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat […]...
6. Перевод слова colony Colony – колония Перевод слова Artist colony – группа художников colony of termites – колония термитов Crown Colony – британская колония Australia was once a penal Colony. Австралия когда-то была тюремной колонией. Religious dissension threatened to split the Colony. Религиозные распри грозили расколоть колонию. Separate townships have coalesced into a single, sprawling Colony. Разрозненные населенные […]...
7. Значение идиомы six of one and half-a-dozen of the other [six of one and half-a-dozen of the other] {n. phr.} Two things thesame; not a real choice; no difference. Which coat do you likebetter, the brown or the blue? It’s six of one and half-a-dozen of theother. Johnny says it’s six of one and half-a-dozen of the otherwhether he does the job tonight or tomorrow […]...
8. A young girl had not been feeling well A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. “Young lady,” the doctor began, “you’re pregnant.” “But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.” “Well my dear,” said the doctor, “someone in that colony is […]...
9. Eye sex A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. “Young lady,” said the doctor, “you’re pregnant.” “But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in our colony we practise sex only with our eyes.” “Well my dear,” said the doctor, “someone in that colony is […]...
10. California Driving Test Answers The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (read at Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right […]...
11. Finding the right answers Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question to ask and that he shouldn’t ask it again. He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she wouldn’t answer the question and that he shouldn’t […]...
12. Значение идиомы by inches [by inches] {adv. phr.} By small or slow degrees; little by little; gradually. The river was rising by inches. They got a heavy wooden beam under the barn for a lever, and managed to move it by inches. He was dying by inches....
13. Пословица / поговорка ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies / ask no questions, and you will be told no lies – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies / ask no questions, and you will be told no lies Перевод: не задавай вопросов и не услышишь лжи Пример: You know I can’t discuss it. Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies. Ты же знаешь, что я не могу об […]...
14. Перевод слова dozen Dozen – дюжина, множество Перевод слова Round dozen – ровно дюжина in dozens, by the dozen – дюжинами dozens of people – множество людей How much are eggs per Dozen? Почем дюжина яиц? I’ve heard this story a Dozen times before. Я уже слышал эту историю раз десять. Skilled stalkers are shooting up to a […]...
15. Gift for a birthday A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses… one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that […]...
16. The stupid questions The below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records. Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning? Q: What happened then? A: He told me, […]...
17. A new tax Department of the Treasury Internal Revenue Service Washington, D. C. To: All Male Taxpayers RE: Notice of increase of tax payment Form 1040 – P The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% […]...
18. Knock Knock Christmas Knock Knock Who’s there? Wenceslas Wenceslas who? Wenceslas train home? Knock Knock Who’s there? Snow Snow who? Snow business like show business! Knock Knock Who’s there? Wayne Wayne who? Wayne in a manger… ! Knock Knock Who’s there? Donut Donut who? Donut open till Christmas! Knock Knock Who’s there? Oakham Oakham who? Oakham all ye […]...
19. Перевод слова difference Difference – различие, разница, несходство Перевод слова Difference of opinion – расхождение во мнениях difference of five pounds – разница в пять фунтов to have a difference with smb. – поспорить с кем-л. It makes no Difference. Какая разница? Can you taste the Difference? Вы можете почувствовать разницу? It makes a vast Difference. Это значительно […]...
20. A man answers the phone and has the following A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: “Yes, mother, I’ve had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult – I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. “Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was […]...
21. Earth science answers REAL ANSWERS FROM EARTH SCIENCE EXAMS The terrestrial planets are much larger than the gas giants. Wegener found matching bedbugs on opposite sides of the Atlantic. The main problem associated with limestone aquifers is Lyme disease. We don’t have rock salt on Guam because that forms from from evaporation of oceans and we don’t have […]...
22. A stuttering problem A man visits the doctor’s because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: ‘It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this […]...
23. Значение идиомы blow a fuse [blow a fuse] or [blow a gasket] or [blow one’s top] or [blow one’s stack] {v. phr.}, {slang} To become extremely angry; express rage in hot words. When Mr. McCarthy’s son got married against his wishes, he blew a fuse. When the umpire called Joe out at first, Joe blew his top and was sent […]...
24. Значение идиомы at a blow [at a blow] or [at a stroke] or [at one stroke] {adv. phr.} Immediately; suddenly; with one quick or forceful action. The pirates captured the ship and captured a ton of gold at a blow. A thousand men lost their jobs at a stroke when the factory closed. All the prisoners escaped at one stroke. […]...
25. Questions About a Product Paul: Could you help me? I have a few questions about this computer Printer. Clerk: Sure. I’ll try. Paul: What I’m wondering is Whether this machine can be used as a Copier as well as a printer. Clerk: Yeah, it can. This is a Multifunction machine. It can be used as a printer, copier, and […]...
26. Questions About a Product Paul: Could you help me? I have a few questions about this computer Printer. Clerk: Sure. I’ll try. Paul: What I’m wondering is Whether this machine can be used as a Copier as well as a printer. Clerk: Yeah, it can. This is a Multifunction machine. It can be used as a printer, copier, and […]...
27. Banjo Q: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that’s not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it. Q: How can you tell the stage you’re playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of […]...
28. Guessing a Number Angela: Hey, look at this. This restaurant is holding a Contest. If you can Guess the number of Marbles in this bowl, you’ll get a free meal every day for one year! Dwight: I’ll Take a stab at it. Angela: So will I. Let’s see, I think there must be close to 1000 or 1200 […]...
29. Best riddles part 5 Where can you buy a ruler that is 3 feet long? Ответ: At a yard sale. How many times can you subtract 6 from 30? Ответ: Only once, after that it is no longer 30. —————————————– What number can you subtract half from to obtain a result that is zero? Ответ: The number 8 – […]...
30. The blind daters had really hit it off and The blind daters had really hit it off and, at the end of the evening as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the fellow said, “Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me – do you have any special fetishes that I should take into account in bed?” “As a matter […]...
31. New Year’s Party I walked into the office and saw Rob with his Head down on his desk. I Tapped him on the shoulder. Christy: You look like you had a good New Year’s. Rob: Yeah, too good. I’m trying To catch up on sleep. Christy: Oh yeah? What did you do? Rob: I went to a New […]...
32. Перевод слова girl Girl – девочка, девушка Перевод слова Cool girl – клевая, классная девчонка eleven-year-old girl – одиннадцатилетняя девочка lovely girl – красивая девушка She is my best Girl. Она – моя возлюбленная. We had a little Girl. У нас была маленькая дочка. That Girl’s got class! Классная девчонка! Интересные факты Spice Girls – британская женская поп-группа, […]...
33. Help the lonely child Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all […]...
34. Значение идиомы make a difference [make a difference] or [make the difference] {v. phr.} To changethe nature of something or a situation; be important; matter. John’s good score on the test made the difference between his passingor failing the course. It doesn’t make a bit of difference if youare late to my party. I just want you to come....
35. Holidays in Great Britain There are many holidays in Great Britain. They are Christmas day, Boxing Day, New Year’s day, Easter, May Day, Spring bank holiday and Summer bank holiday. Public holidays in Great Britain are called bank holidays because the banks as well as most of the offices and shops are closed. The most popular holiday is Xmas. […]...
36. One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor, to chit chat the afternoon away. She walked in and said my god you look so depressed. She said you bet I am, look what my damm husband sent me…six dozen roses. Now you know what that means? I’m going to have to […]...
37. The story with the moral In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. He was a hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, “Gosh! If I go down three inches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.” There was a fish in the water […]...
38. Значение идиомы body blow [body blow] {n.}, {informal} A great disappointment; a bitter failure. When he failed to get on the team it came as a body blow to him....
39. Gimme some aspirin! Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms. “I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms.” “Yeah, I went to a dozen drug […]...
40. My future career (2) When you leave your school you understand that the time to choose your future profession has come. Choosing a career isn’t an easy thing. There are a lot of interesting professions in the world, so it is difficult to make the right choice. Some important jobs at the turn of the century are: nurse, photographer, […]...