A man answers the phone and has the following

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1. Being a Stay-at-Home Dad Gladys: Hi, Dan. I’m surprised to see you here at the supermarket in the middle of the day. Dan: Why? Gladys: I thought you’d be working. Dan: I am working.... ...
2. There were 2 old-maid sisters, both virgins There were 2 old-maid sisters… both virgins. It’s Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, “I’m not going to die a virgin… I’m going out and I’m not... ...
3. Phone keeps ringing The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Phone Won’t Stop Ringing? Here’s What You... ...
4. Marriage quotes 10 Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife. May you grow so... ...
5. A Purple Heart A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the... ...
6. Marriage quotes 05 Dear Mrs, Mr, Miss, or Mr and Mrs Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed, wounded, or reported... ...
7. Finding the right answers Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question to ask and that he... ...
8. Marriage quotes 15 All marriages are happy – it’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept... ...
9. Marriage quotes 12 Nuns: Women who marry God. If they divorce Him, do they get half the universe? Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands, but English women only... ...
10. Being Pestered on the Phone Gisele: Our phone has been Ringing off the hook all weekend. What’s the deal? Nobu: I think it’s Jeanine. Gisele: Jeanine…Jeanine…Is that the woman you’ve been Going out with? Nobu:... ...
11. No pressure This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the... ...
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13. Keeping a high profile in an office Never write a note or memo if you can phone or visit instead; everyone wants to talk whenever you’re ready. Don’t sit down to talk. The acoustics are better the... ...
14. An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, “Operator, giff me beck the party!” She says, “I’m sorry... ...
15. Marriage quotes 04 A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. – Guitry Ah Mozart! He was... ...
16. A few questions and answers Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A. Slow down and use a lubricant. Q. What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? A.... ...
17. Перевод слова miserable Miserable – жалкий, скверный Перевод слова To feel miserable – чувствовать себя несчастным; хандрить miserable weather – скверная погода miserable hovel – убогая лачуга I’ve been so Miserable since she... ...
18. Marriage quotes 11 My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I... ...
19. Phone joke A few months ago I saw a newspaper clipping which told of a newspaper in Illinois (I think…) which ran a story warning consumers that, on such-and – such day,... ...
20. Перевод слова creature Creature – создание, творение, существо Перевод слова Creatures from outer space – существа из космоса all creatures great and small – все твари, большие и малые irrational creature – тварь... ...
21. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring... ...
22. Women’s instructions WOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t... ...
23. I. R. S. phone calls The following are actual phone calls made to I. R. S. offices across the United States. – – – – – – – – – – – – – –... ...
24. Annoying phone calls The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A co-worker of mine fielded phone calls... ...
25. A man spoke frantically into the phone A man spoke frantically into the phone: “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the emergency operator asked. “No, you... ...
26. On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. “Would it be right,” he asked, “for a person to profit from the mistakes... ...
27. Getting Through on the Phone I have been trying to get a meeting with the CEO of Medofact to talk about a Partnership between our company and theirs. But I’ve had a hard time trying... ...
28. The bad news and the good news Harry answers the telephone, and it’s an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, “Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The... ...
29. Good news Hiram answers the telephone, and it’s an emergency room doctor. The doctor says, “Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The... ...
30. There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says to the husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen year old son about... ...
31. Questions and Answers at a Presentation Our company hired an Outside firm to Set up a computer system to help us Keep track of the progress on major projects. The company gave us a presentation on... ...
32. A husband and wife were out playing golf A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball... ...
33. You might be a redneck if 05 You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin’ dog. You’re an expert on worm beds. The dog catcher calls for a... ...
34. Перевод слова marry Marry – жениться Перевод слова To marry off a daughter – выдать дочь замуж to marry legally – жениться по закону marry beneath one – вступить в неравный брак I... ...
35. The crusty old managing partner finally passed away The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his law firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. “I’m sorry, he’s dead,” was the standard answer. Finally, the... ...
36. Trying to Get Off the Phone Erin: So I told Joey that I had no Intention of letting him use my car again. Can you believe The nerve of that guy, after what he did? Curran:... ...
37. This man got his prescription for Viagra This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home... ...
38. Перевод слова telephone Telephone – телефон Перевод слова Telephone bill – счет за пользование телефоном outdoor telephone booth – уличная телефонная будка telephone cable – телефонный кабель She spoke to him by Telephone.... ...
39. ZHow offensive is that? How offensive is that? Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, A crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him.... ...
40. And I will do anything for love The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client out of... ...