ZHow offensive is that?

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1. A crowd had gathered around a whore and A crowd had gathered around a whore and they were about to stone her. Jesus stepped in front of her and said: “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.” From the back of the crowd came this stone which hit Jesus on the head and knocked him down. Jesus turned and looked […]...
2. Перевод слова gathering Gathering – собрание, заседание Перевод слова Political gathering – политическое собрание august gathering – благородное собрание document-gathering process – процесс сбора документов A storm was Gathering. Собиралась буря. We watched the Gathering thunderclouds. Мы наблюдали как собираются грозовые тучи. It’s just a few days since our Gathering. Прошло всего несколько дней с момента нашего собрания. […]...
3. Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses “I want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days.” and Moses says “Yeah sure.” So Jesus gets up and says “I think I’ll walk on the water, that was always a good one.” So Jesus […]...
4. Capitalist and Socialist Hell A young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard, “What […]...
5. Becoming a Vegetarian/Vegan Ashley: I’m thinking of becoming a Vegetarian. I think it would be the Ethical thing to do. Paul: Are you going to eat eggs and Dairy? If you’re doing this for ethical reasons, you really should avoid anything made with Animal products or animal By-products. Ashley: I guess you’re right. Paul: Then you’re going to […]...
6. Making Ethnically or Racially Offensive Remarks Mike: Did you hear what Dan said? He called me a Mick. What Decade is he living in? Patti: He’s just Ignorant. I’m sure he wasn’t trying to be Offensive. Mike: Well, I take offense. And To add insult to injury, did you hear what else he said? Patti: What? Mike: He said that he […]...
7. Значение идиомы talk up [talk up] {v.} 1. To speak in favor or support of. Let’s talk upthe game and get a big crowd. 2. To speak plainly or clearly. Theteacher asked the student to talk up. Syn.: SPEAK UP. 3. {informal}To say what you want or think; say what someone may not like. Talkup if you want more […]...
8. Перевод слова guard Guard – охрана, защита Перевод слова Guard dog – караульная собака soldier on guard at the door – боец, стоящий на страже у дверей the guard at the door – часовой у двери frontier guard – пограничник The Guard dog came for me. Сторожевая собака бросилась ко мне. The Guard checked our passes. Охранник проверил […]...
9. Значение идиомы on guard [on guard] {adj. phr.} Watchful; watching. The police warnedpeople to he on guard for pickpockets during the Christmas rush. Two men are on guard at the door. Contrast: OFF GUARD....
10. A Burglar is in Big Trouble A burglar has just made it into the house he’s intending ransacking, and he’s looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, “I can see you, and so can Jesus!” Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his […]...
11. The crusty old managing partner finally passed away The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his law firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. “I’m sorry, he’s dead,” was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. […]...
12. Значение идиомы off guard [off guard] {adj.} In a careless attitude; not alert to comingdanger; not watching. In the second that the boxer was off guard, his opponent landed a knockout punch. Timmy s question caught Jeanoff guard, and she told him the secret before she knew it. Contrast:ON GUARD....
13. Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answered Juan. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them […]...
14. Значение идиомы Jesus boots [Jesus boots] or [Jesus shoes] {n.}, {slang} Men’s sandals, particularly as worn by hippies and very casually dressed people. Idig your Jesus boots, man, they look cool....
15. Mexican Smuggler Juan pedals up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answers Juan. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart. He empties them […]...
16. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do […]...
17. Crossing the border While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the bags?”, asked the guard. “Sand,” said the cyclist. “Get them off – we’ll take a look,” said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, […]...
18. A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with “WWJD” printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn’t figure it out, so he asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for […]...
19. Значение идиомы front court [front court] {n.} The half of a basketball court that is abasketball team’s offensive zone. The guard brought the ball up tothe front court....
20. And Jesus said unto his disciples And Jesus said unto his disciples, “Whom do men say that I am?” And His disciples answered unto Him, “Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch.” And Jesus said, “What?”...
21. Перевод слова offensive Offensive – обидный, оскорбительный, неприятный Перевод слова Offensive language – оскорбления offensive joke – обидная шутка offensive television commercials – низкопробная телереклама His actions were Offensive to everyone. Его действия оскорбили всех. Why should I sit down under her continued Offensive remarks? Почему я должен сносить ее нескончаемые оскорбительные замечания в мой адрес? I shall […]...
22. Значение идиомы color guard [color guard] {n.} A military guard of honor for the flag of a country; also: a guard of honor to carry and protect a flag or banner. There were four Marines in the color guard in the parade. Bob was picked to be a color guard and to carry the banner of the drum corps […]...
23. Значение идиомы take the offensive [take the offensive] {v. phr.} To make oneself the attacking party. After many months of preparation, the freedom fighters were readyto take the offensive. Contrast TAKE THE DEFENSIVE....
24. The Naming of Jesus A group of biblical scholars were involved in a heated discussion about how Jesus of Nazareth was named. How did he become known as the Messiah, or Christ. One of the scholars argued that the name was a Greek corruption of Aramaic, and purists and fundamentalists ought to use the name Joshua. Another argued that […]...
25. The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher to began his sermon when two masked men burst into the church and said “Whoever is not willing to take a bullet for Jesus better leave now.” More than half of the congregation jumped up and ran out the door. The two men took off their […]...
26. Doing the Dishes A young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust. He tells […]...
27. Kick-ass sermon A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, ” When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, […]...
28. The way he died A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn’t make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and asks him to come and sit by his bed. […]...
29. A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of the world’s tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cable snaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground. The emergency brakes don’t work, the emergency phone doesn’t work, and they both begin to panic. The woman screams “We’re going to […]...
30. Visiting a Museum I wanted to visit the National Museum, but when I arrived, it was closed. Rudy: Can you tell me the Hours of operation for the Museum? Guard: It’s open from 10 a. m. to 5 p. m., Monday through Saturday. It’s closed on Sunday. Rudy: Thanks. I’ll be back tomorrow. —– The next day, I […]...
31. Using nails on a house These two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over […]...
32. Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play with Rollo while you’re waiting?” He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, […]...
33. A little old lady buys a pair of parrots A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn’t […]...
34. Store Promotions and Giveaways Sonia: What is all this? Paul: These are Entry forms and materials for our new store Promotions and Giveaways. Sonia: What Prizes can people Win? Paul: There are different kinds, because we’re running several promotions at once. We have Scratch-off cards to win Instant prizes, including t-shirts. Sonia: Those t-shirts are really nice. I’d like […]...
35. Перевод слова crowd Crowd – толпа, давка; группа людей Перевод слова To bustle through a crowd – пробиваться сквозь толпу to follow with the crowd – следовать за большинством, думать и поступать, как все she came in with all her crowd – она пришла со своей компанией We were standing Crowded together before the picture. Мы столпились перед […]...
36. Working With Unreliable People Paul: What time is it? Jackie: It’s 2:30. The Cleveland office report should have been emailed to us by the end of the workday yesterday. What are we supposed to do now? Paul: If we don’t get their report, we’ll have To hold up the production of the Annual report and if that happens, somebody’s […]...
37. Admiring a Baby Maya: Isn’t this baby Precious? She is just Darling. Coo chi coo. Jean-Paul: Why do women Fawn over babies? One baby looks pretty much like any other. Maya: You wouldn’t say that if you’d ever spent time with babies. Come over here and look at this one. She’s a Doll and her face is so […]...
38. The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states, “I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news.” Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them, “Jesus […]...
39. Значение идиомы cut ice [cut ice] {v. phr.}, {informal} To make a difference; make an impression; be accepted as important. – Usually used in negative, interrogative, or conditional sentences. When Frank had found a movie he liked, what others said cut no ice with him. Jones is democratic; a man’s money or importance never cuts any ice with him. […]...
40. A dentis appointment Two guys are susposed to meet at 4:30. Charley shows up at 4:30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5:00, Paul shows up and Charley says, “Where have you been? You’re a 1/2 hour late.” Paul replies, “Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick’s been hurting bad.” Charley says, “If your dick’s been […]...