Your father is drunk

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1. Arriving home very drunk A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: “Why don’t you be a good Samaritan and take him home.” The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles […]...
2. Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and […]...
3. There was a drunk man walking down the street turning There was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doing?” The drunk replied, “I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.” The police officer […]...
4. Значение идиомы lose track [lose track] {v. phr.} To forget about something; not stayinformed; fail to keep a count or record. What’s the score now? I’ve lost track. – Usually used with “of”. Mary lost track of herfriends at camp after summer was over. John lost track of themoney he spent at the circus. Compare: OUT OF TOUCH. Contrast: […]...
5. Перевод слова drunk Drunk – пьяный, опьяненный Перевод слова Blind drunk – мертвецки пьяный to get drunk – напиться, упиться drunk with success – опьяненный успехом Are you Drunk? Ты что, пьян? He was beastly Drunk. Он напился как скотина. We got Drunk on wine. Мы опьянели от вина. Интересные факты Слово также является 3-й формой неправильного глагола...
6. A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard. It is raining heavily and very dark. The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and […]...
7. I get so drunk that I imagine things The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, “What do you have in there, pal?” “A mongoose.” “What for?” “Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. […]...
8. There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “ATTENTION ALL” and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says” Excuse me, you just farted before my wife.” The drunks replies,” I’m sorry I […]...
9. Things that are difficult to say when you are drunk THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex Nope, no more booze for me […]...
10. Значение идиомы punch-drunk [punch-drunk] {adj.} 1. Dazed or become dulled in the mind frombeing hit in the head. He was a punch-drunk boxer who made hisliving shining shoes. 2. In a foggy state of mind; groggy. Marywas so thrilled at winning the contest she acted punch-drunk. Markwas punch-drunk for a few minutes after he fell off his bicycle....
11. Drunk orders himself a beer A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink – he could […]...
12. Значение идиомы dance to another tune [dance to another tune] {v. phr.} To talk or act differently, usually better because things have changed; be more polite or obedient because you are forced to do it. Johnny refused to do his homework but punishment made him dance to another tune. Compare: CHANGE ONE’S TUNE, SING A DIFFERENT TUNE....
13. I know you were drunk yesterday A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his […]...
14. A drunk staggered into a cemetery and A drunk staggered into a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave. Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. “Get me out of here”, said the one in the grave, “I’m cold”. The other one looked over the edge and said, “No wonder you’re cold, you poor guy. You don’t have any dirt on […]...
15. Like father like son Little Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what’s going on. He tells his mother “Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better.” “Johnny you […]...
16. A Drunk Scottsman There was a scottsman and he was too drunk to walk home from the bar. He decides to lay down a park bench and sleep. Tomorrow he would walk home after he was sober. In the morning two little girls are walking by to go to school when they see he is wearing his kilt. […]...
17. Little Johnny had become a real nuisance Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself…television, ice cream, homework, video games…but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the […]...
18. Little Johnny comes home from school Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,” and would his mother,”please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.” So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, […]...
19. Перевод идиомы lose track of something, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: lose track of something Перевод: потерять след, нить чего-либо, не следить за ходом, развитием Пример: I’ve lost track – what day are you leaving? Я запутался – в какой день ты уезжаешь? I lost track of the number of times I read this book. Я читал эту книгу так много раз, что сбился со […]...
20. Значение идиомы change one’s tune [change one’s tune] {v. phr.}, {informal} To make a change in your story, statement, or claim; change your way of acting. The man said he was innocent, but when they found the stolen money in his pocket he changed his tune. Bob was rude to his teacher, but she threatened to tell the principal and […]...
21. Guinea pig to become father to 400 after breaking into female enclosure Randy escaped his male only enclosure at Hatton Adventure World in Warwick and broke into the female-only area. Staff at Hatton Country World in Warwickshire couldn’t understand why they suddenly had 100 pregnant guinea pigs on their hands – until they released one of the male rodents had managed to escape his enclosure and infiltrate […]...
22. A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. “Didn’t you see the arrow, buddy?” he asked. “An arrow?” the confused driver said. “I didn’t even see the Indians...
23. Значение идиомы sing a different tune [sing a different tune] or [whistle a different tune] also [sing anew tune] {v. phr.}, {informal} To talk or act in the opposite way;contradict something said before. Charles said that all smokersshould be expelled from the team but he sang a different tune afterthe coach caught him smoking. Syn.: CHANGE ONE’S TUNE, DANCE TOANOTHER TUNE. […]...
24. Little Johnny is coming home from the store Little Johnny’s is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket. Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, “This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny.” He walks up to Little Johnny and says, […]...
25. Test for being drunk A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.” The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have […]...
26. Short Father Christmas What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? […]...
27. Clearing it A very drunk man in a bar tells the bartender and everyone that is sitting near him that he can fart out the tune to The Star Spangelled Banner! Everyone who hears this wants to see him do it. So he tells everyone to gather around him, then he climbs up on the bar, drops […]...
28. Little Johnny – being logical Little Johnny A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, “little boy is your mother home?” Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, “what do you think?”...
29. I just trying to be helpful A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk “do you live here?” “Yep”. “Would you like me to help you upstairs?” “Yep”. When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked “Is this your floor?” […]...
30. Little Johnny’s mother decided to give Little Johnny’s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, “Johnny. This is where you come from.” Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as “Lucky Johnny.” […]...
31. Значение идиомы in tune [in tune] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. At the proper musical pitch;high or low enough in sound. The piano is in tune. 2. Going welltogether; in agreement; matching; agreeable. – Often used with “with”. In his new job, John felt in tune with his surroundings and hisassociates. Contrast: OUT OF TUNE....
32. Drinking and driving The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. The “Environmental Engineering News” published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries. In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, […]...
33. Перевод слова walker Walker – ходок Перевод слова Tightrope walker – канатоходец moon walker – луноход jay-walker – неосторожный пешеход The area is popular with Walkers. Этот район очень нравится пешеходам /любителям пеших прогулок/. The net broke the tightrope Walker’s fall. Сетка смягчила падение канатоходца. The coastal path is a popular route for Walkers. Прибрежная линия является популярным […]...
34. At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. “It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even= drunker. “What time does the bar open?” he asks. “Same time as […]...
35. Top ten signs that you are too drunk 10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth. 9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. 8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. 7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt. 6. You can focus better with one eye closed. 5. […]...
36. Значение идиомы out of tune [out of tune] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. Out of proper musical pitch;too low or high in sound. The band sounded terrible, because theinstruments were out of tune. 2. Not in agreement; in disagreement;not going well together. – Often used with “with”. What Jack saidwas out of tune with how he looked; he said he […]...
37. He is extremely drunk Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. “Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven […]...
38. Safest Way to Drive Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits, offers the following advice: The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one’s exposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by […]...
39. Driving home very drunk It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before […]...
40. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front […]...