Father! Father! An old man on crutches walked up

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1. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, […]...
2. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little […]...
3. Where to send him? A Jesuit, a Dominican and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness of their orders. Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him. The Franciscan fell on his face, over come with awe at the […]...
4. Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. “Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling […]...
5. Father of my children A guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather hot blond behind him has just smiled “Hello” to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him… and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from… so he says…”Sorry….do you […]...
6. A small boy is sent to bed by his father A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: “Da-ad…” “What?” “I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?” “No. You had your chance. Lights out.” Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…” “WHAT?” “I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a drink of water??” “I told you NO! If you ask again I’ll have […]...
7. A little boy walks up to his father and says A little boy walks up to his father and says, “Dad, what does a pussy look like?” Father responds, “well son, before or after sex?” Son, “Well, before?” Father, “picture a tulip with all the petals son.” Son, “well what about after?” Father, “Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!”...
8. Like father like son Little Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what’s going on. He tells his mother “Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better.” “Johnny you […]...
9. Значение идиомы throw cold water on [throw cold water on] also [dash cold water on] or [pour cold wateron] {v. phr.} To discourage; say or do something to discourage. Wehad high hopes of victory but our opponents soon threw cold water onthem. Henry’s father threw cold water on his plans to go tocollege by saying he could not afford it....
10. Pessimist and a dog An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to […]...
11. Перевод слова father Father – отец, создатель, порождать Перевод слова Adoptive father – приемный отец Father of his Country – отец отечества cowardice fathers cowardice – одна трусость порождает другую Father carved the ham. Отец резал ветчину. He takes after his Father. Он во всем похож на отца. He will make a splendid Father! Он станет великолепным отцом!...
12. Short Father Christmas What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? […]...
13. Значение идиомы like father, like son [like father, like son] A son is usually like his father in the wayhe acts. – A proverb. Frank’s father has been on the city council;he is now the mayor, and is running for governor. Frank is on thestudent council and is likely to he class president. Like father, likeson. Mr. Jones and Tommy are […]...
14. I walked up to a really pretty girl at the bar I walked up to a really pretty girl at the bar the other night and said, “Hey, babe, can I buy you a drink?” She said, “Do you like sex?” I said, “Of course I like sex.” She said, “Do you like to travel?” I said, “Yeah, I love to travel.” She said, “Then fuck […]...
15. A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman. “Hi,” he said, “I’m new in town. Can I buy you a drink?” “Get lost,” she remarked, “I am Lesbian.” “Oh, really?” he asked, “How are things in Beiruit?”...
16. Перевод слова holy Holy – священный, святой Перевод слова Holy water – святая вода holy ground – освященная земля holy man – праведник, святой We don’t treat the items as Holy relics. Мы не считаем эти предметы священными реликвиями. They were joined together in Holy matrimony. Они были соединены священными узами брака. He sprinkled the coffin with Holy […]...
17. Значение идиомы throw up [throw up] {v.} 1. {informal} or {slang} [heave up]. To vomit. The heat made him feel sick and he thought he would throw up. Hetook the medicine but threw it up a minute later. 2. {informal} Toquit; leave; let go; give up. When she broke their engagement hethrew up his job and left town. 3. […]...
18. Значение идиомы Father’s Day [Father’s Day] {n.} The third Sunday in June set aside especiallyto honor fathers whether living or dead. The children gave nicepresents to their father on Father’s Day....
19. Перевод слова miracle Miracle – чудо Перевод слова To a miracle – на диво, удивительно хорошо to work miracles – творить чудеса economic miracle – экономическое чудо I cannot work a Miracle. Я не могу сотворить чудо. It’s a Miracle you weren’t killed! Это чудо, что тебя не убили! It would take a Miracle for this team to […]...
20. A man walked into a lawyer’s office and A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”...
21. Using the Restroom Denzel: Excuse me, where is the Restroom? Server: It’s down the hall, on your left. Denzel: Thanks. When I got into the bathroom, it was a Mess. I walked into a Stall and there was Toilet paper all over the floor. There were no Toilet seat covers and the Toilet wouldn’t Flush. Even the Toilet […]...
22. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, “Mummy, what is that long thing?” His mother replies, “That, son, […]...
23. A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla sitting on a barstool. The man asked the bartender what the gorilla was doing in the bar so the bartender showed him. He took out a bat and hit the gorilla over the head with it. The animal instantly dropped down and gave the […]...
24. A young man asks his father A young man asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?” The father, surprised, answers: “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, […]...
25. A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. A large wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top. She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest. Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said, “Lady, if […]...
26. A cowboy walked into a barber shop A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.” The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, […]...
27. Значение идиомы get around [get around] {v.} 1a. To go to different places; move about. Mary’s father really gets around; Monday he was in Washington;Wednesday he was in Chicago; and today he is in New York. Fredbroke his leg, but he is able to get about on crutches. 1b. or [getabout] To become widely known especially by being talked […]...
28. Значение идиомы holy cats [holy cats] or [holy cow] or [holy mackerel] or [holy Moses]{interj.}, {informal} – Used to express strong feeling ; used in speech or when writingconversation. “Holy cats! That’s good pie!” said Dick. “Holycow! They can’t do that!” Mary said when she saw the boys hurting amuch smaller boy....
29. My Father – Мой отец My father is the best father in the world. His name is An-drey. His second name is Vasilievich and family name is Kravenko. He is 43. My dad is an engineer. He works at an industrial plant. In the childhood, my dad was a very smart boy. He knew everything. When he finished school, he […]...
30. A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with “WWJD” printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn’t figure it out, so he asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for […]...
31. Пословица / поговорка like father, like son – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: like father, like son Перевод: каков отец, таков и сын Эквивалент в русском языке: яблочко от яблони недалеко падает Пример: The boy always copied his father. It was very much like father, like son. Мальчик всегда повторял повадки своего отца. Действительно, каков отец, таков и сын....
32. A farmer walked into an attorney office A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?” The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.” The attorney said, “well do you have any grounds?” The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, ” No, […]...
33. Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry Son, your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.” The next night, its fathers turn to do the job. “Son, your father will […]...
34. Her father was very angry when he heard that his Her father was very angry when he heard that his twenty year old daughter had hitch hiked all alone, all the way from San Francisco to Washington. “For gods sake!” he screamed, “Someone could have attacked you and raped you!” “I wasn’t ever in no danger at all”, she said, trying to calm him down. […]...
35. A young girl sees her father in the shower A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. “Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life,” he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, “Did he say anything about that dead branch they’re hanging on?”...
36. When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient’s wife […]...
37. Пословица / поговорка the wish is father to the thought – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: the wish is father to the thought Перевод: желание – отец мысли Эквивалент в русском языке: чего хочется, тому верится Пример: The wish is father to the thought and the woman believed that her boyfriend wanted to get married even though he did not. О чем думаешь, то и кажется, и женщина […]...
38. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked […]...
39. A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he’ll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: “Go stand on the corner for […]...
40. Мой папа/ My father На английском языке Перевод на русский язык My father Мой папа My name is Sergey. I’m twelve years old. I’m going to tell you about my father. His name is Vladimir. His second name is Alexandrovich. He was born in Leningrad region, Volhov city; on August 28, 1973. In the childhood my father dreamt of […]...