Using the Restroom

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1. Buying Bathroom Supplies Jan: We’re almost done. We just need to get some bathroom Supplies for Kimberly. Tim: Okay, here are some Towels, a Bathmat and a Bathroom scale. Don’t forget the cleaning supplies. She’ll need some Rubber gloves, Disinfectant, Bowl cleaner, and a Plunger. Jan: All right. We have all that. Where are you going? Tim: She’ll […]...
2. Buying Bathroom Supplies Jan: We’re almost done. We just need to get some bathroom Supplies for Kimberly. Tim: Okay, here are some Towels, a Bathmat and a Bathroom scale. Don’t forget the cleaning supplies. She’ll need some Rubber gloves, Disinfectant, Bowl cleaner, and a Plunger. Jan: All right. We have all that. Where are you going? Tim: She’ll […]...
3. Describing Height and Build Gwen: Do you see that Heavyset guy over there, the one Towering over everyone else? Denzel: Yeah, what about him? Gwen: He’s my Ex-boyfriend. I haven’t seen him in years. When I knew him he was really Skinny. He’s really Put on a few pounds. It’s amazing what a few years can do. Denzel: None […]...
4. One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating. The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew […]...
5. Having Plumbing Problems Mickey: Hello, McQuillan Plumbing. Colleen: Hi, I’m having a lot of Plumbing problems. Can you send a Plumber out to my house right away? Mickey: Yes, we can. But first, let’s find out what the problems are. Colleen: Well, to start, my Toilet won’t Flush and it’s Overflowing. Mickey: An overflowing toilet – Check. What […]...
6. Like father like son Little Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what’s going on. He tells his mother “Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better.” “Johnny you […]...
7. Перевод слова toilet Toilet – туалет, уборная; костюм, одевание Перевод слова Morning toilet – утренний туалет summer toilets of the ladies – летние туалеты дам toilet stall – кабина в уборной Mummy, I need to go to the Toilet! Мамочка, мне нужно в туалет! She made Tina flush the pills down the Toilet. Она заставила Тину спустить таблетки […]...
8. Chinese Fire Drill One joke that we did in residence was the Chinese Fire Drill, I don’t quite know why it is called that. Anyway.. The victim is on the pot in the dorm washroom. Everyone grabs a bucket (we used the waste baskets from our rooms) and fills the buckets with water. Take a paper bag and […]...
9. Letters to a landlord Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door. […]...
10. This is what should happen to ALL CATS! This is what should happen to ALL CATS..! HOW TO WASH THE CAT 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up. 3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the […]...
11. Значение идиомы pants [pants] See: ANTS IN ONE’S PANTS, CATCH ONE WITH ONE’S PANTS DOWN, FANCY PANTS, FLY BY THE SEAT OF ONE’S PANTS, GET THE LEAD OUT OF ONE’spanTS, KICK IN THE PANTS, WEAR THE TROUSERS or WEAR THE PANTS....
12. Значение идиомы fly by the seat of one’s pants [fly by the seat of one’s pants] {v. phr.}, {slang} To fly anairplane by feel and instinct rather than with the help of theinstruments. Many pilots in World War I had to fly by the seat oftheir pants....
13. A fun game While your sitting on the toilet you see written on the stall door: Congratulations! You’ve won one free game of Toilet Tennis! Look Left. You look left and it reads: Look Right You look right and it reads: Look Left…...
14. Father! Father! An old man on crutches walked up “Father! Father! An old man on crutches walked up to the holy water a minute ago, and he splashed some on his right leg and then he threw away his right crutch! Then he splashed some more on the other leg and threw away his left crutch!” “My boy, you’ve witnessed a miracle! What happened […]...
15. Перевод слова mess Mess – беспорядок, грязь; пачкать, портить Перевод слова In a mess – в беспорядке; вверх дном to make a mess of the tablecloth – запачкать скатерть to mess up a car – испортить машину My life’s such a Mess. Моя жизнь такой бардак. She hates Mess. Она ненавидит беспорядок. My hair is a Mess. У […]...
16. Types of Pants Josh: We are going to get you out of those Baggy sweatpants and into some pants that fit. Kayla: I don’t like pants that are too Formfitting. Josh: I’m not suggesting you buy Skintight leggings, but some nice Slacks would be Slimming. Kayla: I like pants with an Elastic waistband. They’re more comfortable. Josh: Just […]...
17. Hotel Housekeeping I’m so glad that the hotel I Booked didn’t Turn out To be a Dump. The last time I went on vacation, I booked it online Sight unseen, and it turned out to be a Run down hotel. This hotel was completely different. The Decor was tasteful and updated, the Staff was friendly, and the […]...
18. Poor Rabbi! A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet for the morning’s relief, and neglected to notice that the seat was up. When she sat, she kept going! She was just the right size and shape so […]...
19. Appearance: Legs and Feet – Внешность: ноги и ступни At the hospital, Bill took off his sock and pulled his trouser leg up over his knee onto his thigh. The doctor looked down at the injured foot, which was already getting bigger and changing colour. “Hm. Nasty accident,” he said. “What happened?” “A skier smashed into my foot,” explained Bill. “Oh, dear. Very nasty. […]...
20. Miracle Bra Alternative Miracle Bra Alternative A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in […]...
21. Types of Pants Josh: We are going to get you out of those Baggy sweatpants and into some pants that fit. Kayla: I don’t like pants that are too Formfitting. Josh: I’m not suggesting you buy Skintight leggings, but some nice Slacks would be Slimming. Kayla: I like pants with an Elastic waistband. They’re more comfortable. Josh: Just […]...
22. Yet another dorm joke Here’s one that my roommate and myself did to a residence buddy. One morning (early) we taped together a bunch of sheets of newspaper to cover the victims doorframe. Then taped this big sheet over the doorframe which left a gap of about two or three inches between the sheet and the door. Then we […]...
23. A man decided to have a face lift A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think […]...
24. A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, “What’s the problem, Carol? I hope it’s not homework again.” “Well, uh, yes, it is.” replied Carol. “I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.” “Carol, you’re right, that wasn’t a very bright thing to do,” said the teacher, “but this once […]...
25. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked […]...
26. On preparing to return home from an out of town trip On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About […]...
27. The Cat’s Chalkboard Assignments In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. A. Fill in the blanks 1. [xxx] is not food. Dental floss, plants, Kleenex, toilet paper, human’s homework, photographs, shoes, sweaters, socks, the couch, electrical cords/devices, phone cord, vases of flowers, my […]...
28. Rooms in a House I don’t like cats. That’s not really true. I like cats, but they don’t like me. Last week, my friend Sara asked me To babysit her cat for two days while she was out of town. Normally, I would have said no, but she was In a jam, so I said okay. As I said, […]...
29. Перевод слова bathroom Bathroom – ванная комната, уборная Перевод слова Bathroom fitment – сантехника hog the bathroom – занять надолго ванную и никого туда не пускать bathroom pod – санкабина The Bathroom is occupied. Ванная занята. The Bathroom’s a bit chilly. В ванной комнате прохладно. The Bathroom is up the stairs. Ванная комната вверх по лестнице. Происхождение слова […]...
30. Taking a Shower or Bath I spent the day helping my friend, Babbit, on his farm. When I got home, my wife said, “You Stink!” I headed straight for the Shower. I Ran the water, closed the Shower curtain, and adjusted the Showerhead. I worked the soap into a Lather and Scrubbed from Head to toe. I Rinsed off the […]...
31. This man was sitting quietly reading his paper This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Man: “What was that for?” Wife: “What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written […]...
32. Reporting Damaged Luggage I picked up my Luggage off of the Baggage carousel and noticed that the Handle was broken and some of my clothes were falling out of the open Zipper. The bag looked like it had been Mishandled, but could someone have Tampered with it, too? I went to the baggage claim office to report what […]...
33. The Road to Heaven A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to […]...
34. Education for women Continuing Education Courses for Women Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits. Parties: Going Without New Outfits. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too. Bathroom Etiquette II: His […]...
35. Значение идиомы on paper [on paper] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} Judging by appearances only andnot by past performance; in theory; theoretically. On paper, theAmerican colonies should have lost the Revolutionary War. Thefootball team lost many games, even though they looked good on paper....
36. Перевод слова broken Broken – разбитый, сломанный Перевод слова Broken leg – сломанная нога broken stone – щебень broken food – объедки, оставшиеся на столе Her spirit was Broken. Ее дух был сломлен. My Broken leg is mending. Моя сломанная нога идет на поправку. I become a Broken vessel. Я как разбитое корыто. Интересные факты “Сломленные” (Broken) – […]...
37. Бытовые принадлежности Armchair – кресло ashtray – пепельница bathtub / tub – ванна bed – кровать bedclothes – постельное белье bedspread / counterpane / coverlet – покрывало blanket – одеяло blanket cover – пододеяльник blinds [‘blainds] – шторы carpet – ковер chair – стул couch / sofa [‘səufə] – диван crib / cot (BrE) – детская кроватка […]...
38. Rice Production in the World and in the U. S Rice is different from all other crops in that it is usually grown in a flooded field. The base of the rice stalk will be under water most of the growing season. Rice can be grown on dry ground and is sometimes grown in that manner in developing countries, but the field yields are much […]...
39. You want children Are You Ready for Children? Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego’s. (If […]...
40. A policeman was patrolling near midnight A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He […]...