A farmer walked into an attorney office

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1. Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. “Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling […]...
2. Перевод слова farmer Farmer – фермер Перевод слова Cattle farmer – скотовод, владелец животноводческой фермы collective farmer – колхозник truck farmer – огородник They work for a Farmer. Они работают у фермера. The Farmer cut at the snake with a stick. Фермер ударил змею палкой. The Farmer hitched the cart to his best horse. Фермер впряг в телегу […]...
3. Перевод слова attorney Attorney – поверенный, адвокат Перевод слова Attorney general – главный прокурор штата by attorney – по доверенности to obtain an attorney – получить адвоката You may need to retain an Attorney. Вам, возможно, потребуется нанять адвоката. Their brother was articled to an Attorney. Их брат стажировался у адвоката. I can give you the address of […]...
4. Humor about the Irishmen There is a story about the Irishman who drowned while he was digging a grave for a friend. He’d wanted to be buried at sea. “Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you want a divorce?” the solicitor questioned his client. “Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?” “Oh, no,” replied Mrs. O’Connor. “Shure now, we […]...
5. A reason for divorce “Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you want a divorce?” the solicitor questioned his client. “Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?” “Oh, no,” replied Mrs. O’Connor. “Shure now, we have a carport.” The solicitor tried again. “Well, does the man beat you up?” “No, no,” said Mrs. O’Connor, looking puzzled. “I’m always first out […]...
6. A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asks, “Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man’s pulse?” The coroner says, “No.” The attorney then asks, “Did you listen for a heart beat?” “No.” “So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure […]...
7. Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the local minister comes walking around the corner. The minister says, “My, Farmer Petrovich, you’re certainly giving that sheep a beating. You wouldn’t do that to your wife, would you?” The farmer says, “I would if she farted and jumped sideways every time I tried to […]...
8. The District Attorney requested all the robbery victims to The District Attorney requested all the robbery victims to come to the police station to study a lineup of five people. He placed his suspect at the end of the line. Then he asked each to step forward and say, “Give me all your money…and I need some change in quarters, nickels and dimes.” The […]...
9. There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. “Hey kid!” the farmer says. “Where ya goin’ with that wire?” “Well,” the kid drawls, “this here ain’t just any ol’ wire, this here’s […]...
10. A farmer and his girlfriend A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses. “Boy,” said the farmer, “that sure makes me want to do the same.” “Well, go ahead,” said his girlfriend. “It’s your cow.”...
11. A wise choice The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent. Attorney: “At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?” Farmer: “That’s right.” Attorney: “Well, then, how is it […]...
12. A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, “I’m Eddie, I’m here to pick up Betty. We’re going for spaghetti, is she ready?” No. The second beau came to the door and said, “I’m Joe, I’m here to pick […]...
13. A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and tells the priest he’s been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever since his wife died. The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the pig is a male or female. “No! I’m not doing it anymore!” […]...
14. Old farmer Johnson was dying Old farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife, “Maude, when I’m dead and gone… I want you to marry farmer Jones.” “Oh no, I couldn’t marry anyone after you!” Maude replies. “But I want you to, Maude.” “But why?” Maude asks. “Because […]...
15. Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, “I want you to help me get a divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.” “What do you mean?” asked the attorney. “Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?” “No,” replied the […]...
16. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,”Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.” His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, “Mother, if this […]...
17. A man walked into a lawyer’s office and A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”...
18. Перевод слова meaningful Meaningful – значимый, многозначительный Перевод слова Meaningful constraints – существенные ограничения meaningful agreement – важная договоренность meaningful smile – многозначительная улыбка They want a chance to do Meaningful work. Они хотят иметь возможность совершить что-то действительно важное. The statistics are not very Meaningful when taken out of context. Статистические данные не очень понятны, когда они […]...
19. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, […]...
20. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
21. Значение идиомы nurse a grudge [nurse a grudge] {v. phr.} To keep a feeling of envy or disliketoward some person; remember something bad that a person said or didto you, and dislike the person because of that. Torn nursed agrudge against John because John took his place on the basketballteam. Mary nursed a grudge against her teacher because she thoughtshe […]...
22. For three years, the young attorney had been taking his For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant […]...
23. Значение идиомы bear a grudge [bear a grudge] {v. phr.} To persist in bearing ill feeling toward someone after a quarrel or period of hostility. Come on, John, be a good sport and don’t bear a grudge because I beat you at golf. Contrast: BURY THE HATCHET....
24. US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school US Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school. After fifteen minutes speaking he says: ‘I will now answer any questions you have.’ Bobby stands up and says: ‘I have four questions’: 1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why haven’t you caught Osama bin Laden? 3. Why […]...
25. Перевод идиомы bear a grudge (against someone) / have a grudge (against someone) / hold a grudge (against someone), значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: bear a grudge (against someone) / have a grudge (against someone) / hold a grudge (against someone) Перевод: иметь зуб против кого-либо, держать злобу на кого-либо Пример: The woman continued to bear a grudge against her friend for many years. Женщина много лет держала злобу на свою подругу....
26. Every damn time Speaking of divorce (I was), this woman petitions the court for a divorce on the grounds that her husband “beats her.” The Judge, wanting every detail asked how often it was he beat the woman. “Every damn time your Honor,” she sighed, “Every damn time!”...
27. A farmer comes home with a lively young bull A farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls have fallen on sad days. He’s letting them hang around for old times’ sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture, he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of the old bulls starts to paw […]...
28. A tough case was being argued in court A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of hundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied. “The judge’ll kill me. Trying to bribe him! We’re dead!” “I don’t think so,” his attorney told him. “I sent it in […]...
29. A guy walks into a post office A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes […]...
30. Перевод слова divorce Divorce – развод, расторжение брака Перевод слова Divorce by proxy – развод по доверенности to file for divorce – подавать на развод a divorce proceedings – бракоразводный процесс It is difficult to Divorce sport from politics. Трудно отделять спорт от политики. Their marriage ended in Divorce. Их брак закончился разводом. This famous actress has been […]...
31. Breaching a Contract Sandra: I don’t know what to do. Our Contractor installed the wrong equipment and now we’re having major problems. I’ve tried contacting her, but she’s Dodging my calls. The trouble is I’ve already Paid her in full. Antonin: Well, that’s a Breach of contract. Your only Recourse might be To take her to court. Sandra: […]...
32. A woman walks into her accountant’s office and A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” The woman replies, “I’m a whore.” The accountant balks […]...
33. Значение идиомы give someone his rights [give someone his rights] or [read someone his rights] {v. phr.},{informal} 1. The act of advising arrested criminals that they havethe right to remain silent and that everything they say can be heldagainst them in a court of law; that they have the right to thepresence of an attorney during questioning and that if they […]...
34. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to […]...
35. Значение идиомы month of Sundays [month of Sundays] {n. phr.}, informal A very long time. – Used foremphasis after “for” or “in” and usually with a negative verb. Ihave not had devil’s food cake in a month of Sundays. When he gother first letter, he felt that he had not heard from her for a monthof Sundays. Syn.: DOG’S AGE....
36. Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. “What’s the story this time, Jones?” he asked sarcastically. “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.” Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the […]...
37. Getting a Divorce Nicole: I’m really sorry to hear about you and Catherine getting a Divorce. Tom: I appreciate it, but it was A long time coming. We’ve been heading toward divorce for years. I just hope it doesn’t get too Messy. Nicole: I don’t mean To pry, but didn’t the two of you have a Prenup? Tom: […]...
38. Значение идиомы in case [in case] {adv. phr.}, {informal} 1. In order to be prepared; as aprecaution; if there is need. – Usually used in the phrase “just incase”. The bus is usually on time, but start early, just in case. The big dog was tied up, but John carried a stick, just in case. 2. [in case] or […]...
39. Guilty as sin Sue reports for jury duty as ordered, and promptly asks to be excused because she believes she’s prejudice. “I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin.” “Sit down,” says the judge. “That’s the prosecuting attorney.”...
40. Значение идиомы settle up [settle up] {v. phr.} To pay up; conclude monetary or othertransactions. “Let’s settle up,” Carol’s attorney said, when shesued Don for a hefty sum of money after their divorce....