Главная ⇒ 📌Jokes ⇒ Without a Christmas bonus

Without a Christmas bonus

Ten signs you’re not getting a christmas bonus

10. Co-workers refer to you as «the ghost of unemployment future»

9. The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial

8. On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips

7. What you call «my new office,» everybody else calls «the supply closet»

6. Boss’s Christmas card says, «Don’t let the door hit you on the way out»

5. You keep getting memos reminding you that employees are required to wear pants

4. When your boss came over for Thanksgiving, he was crushed under an avalanche of stolen office supplies

3. Whenever you ask for a raise, a guy shows up at your house and breaks your jaw

2. In your most recent performance evaluation, the word «terrible» appeared 78 times

1. You’re the starting quarterback for the New York Jets



At the doctor topic.
Doctor topic.

Related topics:

  1. Перевод слова bonusBonus — премия, награда Перевод слова Bonus job — сдельная работа bonus system — премиальная система оплаты annual bonus — ежегодная премия Each worker receives an annual Bonus. Каждый работник получает ежегодный бонус. As a Bonus for good behavior you can stay up late. В качестве награды за хорошее поведение, вы можете остаться до конца. ... Читать далее...
  2. Short Christmas jokesWhat did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter «D» ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he ... Читать далее...
  3. Christmas tree betterReasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman» A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb ... Читать далее...
  4. Short Father ChristmasWhat do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? ... Читать далее...
  5. Перевод слова ChristmasChristmas — Рождество Перевод слова Merry Christmas! — счастливого рождества! Christmas tree — рождественская елка on Christmas Day — в день Рождества Christmas is drawing near. Рождество приближается. We’ll see you at Christmas. Увидимся на Рождество. We wish you a Merry Christmas. Мы желаем вам Счастливого Рождества....
  6. Represent ChristmasThree men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he ... Читать далее...
  7. Police officer ChristmasTwas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation, Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation. The stockings were hung on the wall with great care, Next to some T-shirts and old underwear. I was working the night shift compiling stats, Answering the phone, and feeding the rat. When all of a sudden ... Читать далее...
  8. Значение идиомы Christmas club[Christmas club] {n.} A plan for putting money in the bank to be saved for Christmas shopping. John deposits $10 each week in the Christmas club. The woman will get her Christmas club money on December 10....
  9. Never say it at workTWELVE THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR AN EMPLOYEE TELL HIS/HER BOSS 1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing. 2. If it’s really a «rush job,» run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s ... Читать далее...
  10. Christmas flavorThree men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas ... Читать далее...
  11. Microsoft ChristmasNORTH POLE (API) — MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of ... Читать далее...
  12. Days after ChristmasThe first day after Christmas My true love and I had a fight And so I chopped the pear tree down And burnt it, just for spite Then with a single cartridge I shot that blasted partridge My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me. The second day after Christmas I ... Читать далее...
  13. A wish for ChristmasIt is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup. He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and ... Читать далее...
  14. Значение идиомы straw boss[straw boss] {n.} 1. The boss of a few workers who is himself underanother boss or foreman. The straw boss told Jim he would have tosee the foreman about a job. 2, A man who works himself and alsobosses a few other workers. Smith worked better than the other men, so the foreman made him ... Читать далее...
  15. Kick-ass sermonA new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, » When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, ... Читать далее...
  16. Military Christmas‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies, Air defenses were up, with electronic eyes. Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds, As enemy silhouettes danced in their heads. Every jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube, Was triply-redundant, linked to the Blue Cube, And ELINT and AWACS gave coverage so ... Читать далее...
  17. ‘Twas the Night After Christmas‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had ... Читать далее...
  18. Значение идиомы Father Christmas[Father Christmas] {n.}, {British} The joyful spirit of Christmas;Santa Claus. English children look forward to the visit of FatherChristmas....
  19. Italian teenagers get €500 ‘culture bonus’From November 3rd, every Italian teen celebrating their 18th birthday before December 31st 2016 can claim €500 from the government, to spend on cultural items. Every Italian resident from the class of 1998 — a total of 574,000 — can claim their ‘culture bonus’, which they can use to buy books, concert tickets, theatre tickets, ... Читать далее...
  20. Rating Christmas partiesIf you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time. Now you’ll be expected to throw another great party next year. What you should have done was throw the kind of ... Читать далее...
  21. Значение идиомы Christmas card[Christmas card] {n.}, {slang}, {citizen’s band radio jargon} A speeding ticket. Smokey just gave a Christmas card to the eighteen wheeler we passed....
  22. Значение идиомы lit up like a Christmas tree[lit up like a Christmas tree] {adj. phr.}, {informal} To be drunk. On New Year’s Eve Ned was lit up like a Christmas tree. Compare:THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND....
  23. After Christmas SalesRoxana: Get up! We’re going To miss out on the best Deals if we don’t get to the stores when they open. Kurt: What? I’m sleeping. Leave me alone. Roxana: You need to get up now and come with me to the store for the After Christmas sales. You know that they Slash prices and ... Читать далее...
  24. After Christmas SalesRoxana: Get up! We’re going To miss out on the best Deals if we don’t get to the stores when they open. Kurt: What? I’m sleeping. Leave me alone. Roxana: You need to get up now and come with me to the store for the After Christmas sales. You know that they Slash prices and ... Читать далее...
  25. An Australian ChristmasHere comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his fat away Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Water-skis on his sleigh Never have a white Christmas When you in Melbourne live Wearing hot pants on the beach When you your presents give Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his ... Читать далее...
  26. Christmas, Hanukkah, and KwanzaaThe holidays in my family are very Diverse. Our Custom is to celebrate Christmas every year as a Religious observance, complete with Advent wreathes and Midnight Mass. Most of my In-laws observe Christmas Purely as a Secular holiday, with the focus on Exchanging gifts, stockings, A Christmas tree, and other traditional customs. There is a ... Читать далее...
  27. Перевод слова unemploymentUnemployment — безработица Перевод слова Seasonal unemployment — сезонная безработица hidden unemployment — скрытая безработица unemployment rate — уровень безработицы The main problem is Unemployment. Основная проблема — это безработица. The current Unemployment rate is six percent. Текущий уровень безработицы составляет шесть процентов. Unemployment is unacceptably high. Уровень безработицы остается неприемлемо высоким. Происхождение слова unemployment ... Читать далее...
  28. Ghost sexAt a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, «Who here has ever seen a ghost?» Most of the hands go up. «And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?» About half the hands stay up. «OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with ... Читать далее...
  29. Перевод слова referRefer — направлять, отсылать, ссылаться Перевод слова To refer to arbitration — передавать в арбитраж to refer to court — направить в суд to refer to a precedent — сослаться на прецедент They Referred me to the manager. Меня отослали к менеджеру. He Referred to me for some advice. Он обратился ко мне за советом. ... Читать далее...
  30. It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go lookIt’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands ... Читать далее...
  31. Значение идиомы on trial[on trial] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. For testing or trying out for atime before making a decision. I was lucky that I had bought themachine on trial because I didn’t like it and was able to return it. Mother bought a new dishwasher on trial and was trying it outbefore deciding whether to keep ... Читать далее...
  32. An Internet ChristmasT’was the Internet Night Before Christmas ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hacker’s a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet. The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While visions of ... Читать далее...
  33. Перевод слова trialTrial — испытание, проба, пробный; суд Перевод слова A blind clinical trial — клиническое испытание trial run — испытательный пробег trial period — испытательный срок state trial — суд над государственным преступником Her Trial will be public. Судебное разбирательство по ее делу будет открытым. He was on Trial for murder. Его судили за убийство. I ... Читать далее...
  34. Значение идиомы ghost of a[ghost of a] Least trace of; slightest resemblance to; smallest biteven of; a very little. Usually used with «chance» or «idea» innegative sentences, or with «smile». There wasn’t a ghost of achance that Jack would win. We didn’t have the ghost of an ideawhere to look for John. The teacher scolded Harold for drawing afunny ... Читать далее...
  35. 12 days of ChristmasDecember 14, 1998 Dearest Dave, I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. This was a delightful gift! I couldn’t have been more surprised or pleased darling! With truly the deepest love, Agnes December 15, 1998 Dearest Dave, Today the postman brought me yet another of your ... Читать далее...
  36. Перевод слова ghostGhost — приведение, призрак, дух Перевод слова The ghost of Hamlet’s father — тень отца Гамлета to see a ghost — видеть привидение ghost image — фантомное изображение not the ghost of a chance — ни малейшего шанса A long rambling Ghost story. Длинная путаная история про привидения. Hope is against the holy Ghost. Надежда ... Читать далее...
  37. Перевод слова lovelyLovely — прекрасный, красивый, очаровательный Перевод слова Lovely picture — красивая картина lovely view — восхитительный вид lovely character — возвышенный характер The hotel has a Lovely view. Из отеля открывается прекрасный вид. It’s a Lovely windy day, help me to peg out the washing. Сегодня замечательный ветреный день, помоги мне развесить белье. She’s got ... Читать далее...
  38. A Christmas FeastThis year, our family decided that The more the merrier and invited Adriano and his family to have Christmas dinner with us. We were Thrilled when they accepted our invitation. Lucy: I’m so glad you guys could all make it. Adriano: We wouldn’t have missed it for anything. We brought a Fruitcake. Lucy: Oh, thanks. ... Читать далее...
  39. Photographer worksThere was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk — the ghost which ‘lived’ there was feared by all. However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, ... Читать далее...
  40. Bosses versus workersWhen I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don’t do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy. When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that ... Читать далее...

Without a Christmas bonus