Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo

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1. A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-weekA guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says «OK,» and goes to the pharmacy to buy ... Читать далее...
2. Riding in a LimousineMandy: Whoo! Whoo! Theo: Hey, get down from there. You shouldn’t be sticking your head out of the Sunroof. Mandy: I just wanted to get some air. This Stretch limo is amazing. Theo: Well, I thought I’d rent one and take you to the Prom in style. Mandy: This is The height of luxury. You’ve ... Читать далее...
3. A man was riding in the back of his limousineA man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. «Why are you eating grass?» he asked the man. «I don’t have any money for food,» the poor man replied. «Oh, please come ... Читать далее...
4. Some explainingThe newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy their two week vacation/honeymoon. The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, «Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover? Long time no see.» A frosty silence prevailed until the ... Читать далее...
5. Some horse-playThe newlywed couple were checking into the hotel. The new groom approached the desk clerk. He said he wanted the best for they were on their honeymoon. The clerk asked the man if he wanted the bridal. «No,» he said, «I don’t believe I’ll need it. I’ll just grab onto her ears and hold on ... Читать далее...
6. One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decidedOne day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each ... Читать далее...
7. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
8. Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the roadLittle Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. «My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf», says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time ... Читать далее...
9. On their honeymoon nightOn their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, «I can’t wear your pants.» «That’s right,» intoned the groom, «And don’t you forget it. I’m the one who wears the pants in the family.» The bride ... Читать далее...
10. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condomA man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again ... Читать далее...
11. Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woodsLittle Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods on her way to visit her grandmother, when suddenly The Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree. «Ah-ha….,» The Big Bad Wolf said, «Now I’ve got you and I’m going to eat you! EAT! EAT! EAT!…» Little Red Riding Hood said angrily, «Damn it, ... Читать далее...
12. RepetitivenessAfter the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each a drink, unaware that his new bride ... Читать далее...
13. Slight confusionOne night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,»Honey, can you go over ... Читать далее...
14. Some of the myths about marriageTOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: «I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.» The husband says: «WHAT??» The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional ... Читать далее...
15. Riding the SubwayMisha: I’d like to buy a Token for the Subway. Clerk: The subway doesn’t use tokens anymore. Misha: Oh? I didn’t know that. It’s been a few years since I visited New York. How do I pay for the Fare? Clerk: You can buy a ticket for a Single ride that Expires two hours after ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова honeymoonHoneymoon — медовый месяц Перевод слова To be on honeymoon — проводить медовый месяц to go for a honeymoon — поехать в свадебное путешествие honeymoon couple — молодожены, совершающие свадебное путешествие The neoteric fashion of spending a Honeymoon on the railway. Новая мода проводить медовый месяц в путешествии по железной дороге. They plan to Honeymoon ... Читать далее...
17. Someone really stinksA young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, «Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s ... Читать далее...
18. A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big nightA couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night. The bride rolled over and said, «That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?» The husband replied «Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.» «That’s nice honey» she replied, «What did it look ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы riding for a fall[riding for a fall] {adj. phr.} Behaving in an overconfident waythat is likely to lead to trouble; being too sure of yourself; doingsomething dangerous. The student who does not study for exams isriding for a fall. Mr. Smith has borrowed too much money on hishome. He is riding for a fall. Compare: COME A CROPPER....
20. Really torrid honeymoonAfter the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, «You know what I really feel like honey?» «Well sure,» she ... Читать далее...
21. A husband and wife are on a nudist beachA husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the ... Читать далее...
22. A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get marriedA middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, «Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.» The startled groom says «How can that be? You’ve been married twice…» The bride responds… ... Читать далее...
23. After the party, as the couple was driving homeAfter the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, «Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?» The flattered husband said, «No, dear they haven’t.» The wife yells, «Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?»...
24. Reward for goodnessThree men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, «I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, ... Читать далее...
25. The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding downThe Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail all day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tonto placed his ear to the ground and listened. «Buffalo come,» remarked Tonto. «How can you tell, Tonto?» asked the Lone Ranger. «Face sticky.»...
26. Little Red Riding HoodOnce upon a time there was a dear little girl who was loved by everyone who looked at her, but most of all by her grandmother, and there was nothing that she would not have given to the child. Once she gave her a little riding hood of red velvet, which suited her so well ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы riding high[riding high] {adj.} Attracting attention; enjoying greatpopularity. After scoring the winning touchdown, John is ridinghigh with his classmates....
28. Traveling for SinglesRay: I have a great idea for your next vacation. You should go on a Singles cruise. Samantha: I’m not going on a singles cruise. Everybody will be On the make. Ray: That’s the point, isn’t it? You can Take your pick of single guys. What could be better? Samantha: I’m not interested in having ... Читать далее...
29. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the PhoneClerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back ... Читать далее...
30. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the PhoneClerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back ... Читать далее...
31. A new statue for the bedroomA woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. «Hurry!» she said, «Stand in the corner.» She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. «Don’t move until I tell you to.» she whispered. «Just pretend you’re a statue.» «What’s ... Читать далее...
32. A technical bastardA couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn’t, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, ... Читать далее...
33. The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding throughThe Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many canyons when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of indians. They start to spur their horse forward when they realised that there are hundreds of indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once again, see hundreds of ... Читать далее...
34. Bum in need of foodOne afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. «Why are you eating grass?», he asked one man. «We don’t have any money for food.», The poor man replied. ... Читать далее...
35. Honeymoon IIThe newlyweds had decided to take Amtrak’s «Car Train» to Florida, so they would have the mobility of being able to use their own vehicle on the honeymoon. They settled into one of the train’s upper berths together and cuddled. As the nite progressed, the new bride was heard to say quite excitedly a number ... Читать далее...
36. Foreign Currency Exchange RatesSydney: Where should we go on our Honeymoon? I thought Rome would be nice. Isaac: Let me check. No, that wouldn’t be a good idea. Sydney: Okay, how about Tokyo? I’ve always wanted to visit Japan. Isaac: No, I’m afraid not. Sydney: How are you making these Determinations? Isaac: I’m checking to see if the ... Читать далее...
37. Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider thisHusband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston After almost twenty-four hours on the road, They’re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back ... Читать далее...
38. A blonde decides to try horseback ridingA blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and then horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, ... Читать далее...
39. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wifeA concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, «Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.» «Well,» the doctor replied, «go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say ... Читать далее...
40. Перевод слова honeyHoney — мед, сладость, медовый, сладкий Перевод слова To remove honey from a hive — отбирать мед из улья he was all honey — он был приторно любезен honey cake — медовая коврижка honey sweet — сладкий как мед She likes Honey in her tea. Она любит чай с медом. She specializes in Honey bees. ... Читать далее...