Two bags

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1. The RabbiThere is a story about a popular young rabbi, who on Sabbath eve announces to the congregation that he will not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave. Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands up ... Читать далее...
2. The truth about reusable shopping bagsLos Angeles is the latest American city to ban the use of single-use plastic grocery bags, but experts say their most common replacements-paper and reusable bags-come with environmental and financial costs of their own. Indeed, some reusable bags need to be used over 100 times before they’re better for the environment than single-use plastic bags. ... Читать далее...
3. Pack your bags honey!This guy runs home and bursts in yelling, «Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!» She says, «Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?» He replies, «I don’t care…Just get the f**k out!»...
4. Think you can’t live without plastic bags? Consider this: Rwanda did itOn a recent trip to Rwanda, my luggage was searched at the border, and the authorities confiscated some of my belongings. No, I wasn’t trying to smuggle drugs or weapons. The offenders? Three plastic bags I’d use to carry my shampoo and dirty laundry. You see, non-biodegradable polythene bags are illegal in Rwanda. In 2008, ... Читать далее...
5. The room was full of pregnant women and their partnersThe room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. «Ladies, exercise is good for you,» announced the teacher. «Walking is especially ... Читать далее...
6. Crossing the borderWhile crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. «What’s in the bags?», asked the guard. «Sand,» said the cyclist. «Get them off — we’ll take a look,» said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, ... Читать далее...
7. Being Arrested by the PoliceI was walking down the street Minding my own business one evening when I was stopped by a Police officer. After asking me a couple of questions about where I’d been, he told me to put my hands behind my back. He was going To arrest me! He Handcuffed me and gave me the Miranda ... Читать далее...
8. Two friends met after a long time, and chatted aboutTwo friends met after a long time, and chatted about what??s been going on since they last met. One of them had a new girlfriend and the other one asked about her cooking, her relation to his folks etc. etc. and finally asked «How is she in bed?» First guy replies «She??s fantastic, she sucks ... Читать далее...
9. A man was walking in the street when he heard a voiceA man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: «Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.» The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile ... Читать далее...
10. Seems that the traveling salesman was driving in the countrySeems that the traveling salesman was driving in the country and his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farm house, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay over night. «Sure,» said the farmer, «my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are 21 and 23 ... Читать далее...
11. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycleFor his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, «Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.» The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front ... Читать далее...
12. There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impedimentThere was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked «Could I have a fucket please?» The assistant asked»Pardon sir?». «Can I have a fucket please?» Replied the man. ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы vanity case[vanity case] {n.} 1. A small case containing face powder, lipstick, and other things and usually carried in a woman’s handbag; acompact. She took out her vanity case and put lipstick on. 2. Ahandbag or a small bag carried by a woman and holding various toiletarticles. She had the porter carry her big bags and ... Читать далее...
14. There was a drunk man walking down the street turningThere was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, «Sir, what are you doing?» The drunk replied, «I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.» The police officer ... Читать далее...
15. Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycleJuan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, «What’s in the bags?» «Sand,» answered Juan. The guard says, «We’ll just see about that get off the bike.» The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them ... Читать далее...
16. The room was full of pregnant ladiesThe room was full of pregnant ladies and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, «Ladies, exercise is good for you. ... Читать далее...
17. Michael Jackson and the doctorMichael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after his wife gives birth to their son. Michael says, «How long before we can have sex?» The doctor says, «At least wait until he’s walking.»...
18. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriendA Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. «What’s this,» ... Читать далее...
19. An Other oneThree old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’ A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s ... Читать далее...
20. A man was walking down the street when he noticedA man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. «Grandpa, what are you doing?» he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. «Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here ... Читать далее...
21. One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticedOne fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the ... Читать далее...
22. Two men were walking along the street whenTwo men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking his dick. One man said, «I sure wish I could do that.» The other replied, «You can, but you’re probably going to have to pet him first.»...
23. Checking into a HotelI Flew into Atlanta the afternoon before a Big meeting. I Hailed a taxi at the airport and told the driver the name of the hotel. I asked him How long it would take to get there. He said it would only be 20 minutes. I sat back and relaxed. We got to the hotel ... Читать далее...
24. A priest is walking down the street one day whenA priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer ... Читать далее...
25. Mexican SmugglerJuan pedals up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks, «What’s in the bags?» «Sand,» answers Juan. The guard says, «We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.» The guard takes the bags and rips them apart. He empties them ... Читать далее...
26. The Road to HeavenA man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to ... Читать далее...
27. A psychology student at a local universityA psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered «When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.» ... Читать далее...
28. Little MermaidThree fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?» She replied, «no sir!» So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, «Did you like that?» «Oh, indeed I did, ... Читать далее...
29. Значение идиомы carry away[carry away] {v.} To cause very strong feeling; excite or delight to the loss of cool judgment. The music carried her away. He let his anger carry him away. — Often used in the passive, She was carried away by the man’s charm. He was carried away by the sight of the flag....
30. Перевод слова cornerCorner — угол Перевод слова In the corner of the room — в углу комнаты at the corner of the street — на углу улицы to turn the corner — завернуть за угол to cut off a corner — срезать угол, пойти напрямик We turned round the Corner. Мы свернули за угол. Once the dog ... Читать далее...
31. As US tourists in IsraelAs US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. «America,» the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the ... Читать далее...
32. A mute was walking down the street one dayA mute was walking down the street one day and chanced upon a friend of his, also a mute. In sign language, he inquired how his friend had been doing. The friend replied (vocally!) «Oh, can that hand-waving shit. I can talk now.» Intrigued, the mute pressed him for details. Seems he had gone to ... Читать далее...
33. Course of actionOne Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. «Veronica, I just don’t know what to do,» Gloria said to her friend at work. «That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?» «Oh, my God!» her friend exclaimed. «He’ll wine you, ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы carry on[carry on] {v.} 1. To work at; be busy with; manage. Bill and his father carried on a hardware business. Mr. Jones and Mr. Smith carried on a long correspondence with each other. 2. To keep doing as before; continue. After his father died, Bill carried on with the business. The colonel told the soldiers ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы walking papers[walking papers] or [walking orders] also [walking ticket] {n.},{informal} A statement that you are fired from your job; dismissal. The boss was not satisfied with Paul’s work and gave him his walkingpapers. George is out of work. He picked up his walking ticketlast Friday....
36. Значение идиомы through street[through street] {n.} 1. A street on which cars can move withoutstopping at intersections, but cars on streets crossing it have tostop at the intersection. You have to be especially carefulcrossing a through street. Mr. Jones stopped his car when he cameto the through street. He waited until there were no cars on it, anddrove ... Читать далее...
37. Значение идиомы side street[side street] {n.} A street that runs into and ends at a mainstreet. The store is on a side street just off Main Street. TheSpellmans bought a house on a side street that runs off Broad Street. Compare: BACK STREET, CROSS STREET....
38. Poor batman!A nun is walking down the street, when suddenly a punk jumps out of the bushes and hits her over the head, proceeds to kick her in the groin and break her nose with a massive left hook. As the nun is lying bleeding on the floor, the guy looks down and says: You’re getting ... Читать далее...
39. Types of ViewsAndrea: Help me decide on which type of hotel room To book. George: I want the one with a bed. Andrea: Very funny. We have a choice of different views, and each one is a different price. For instance, a room with a City view is $175 a night and a Panoramic view is $275 ... Читать далее...
40. This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hookerThis guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, «Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas.» «Sure,» he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, «Is ... Читать далее...