The Rabbi

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1. Rabbi’s anniversary present A Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. When he walks into his hotel room, there’s a beautiful girl, nude, lying on the bed. She says, “Hi, Rabbi, I’m a little something extra that the president of the […]...
2. Man goes to see the Rabbi Man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.” The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?” The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.” The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?” The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning […]...
3. Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when a truck careens around = the corner, out of control, and broadsides the Rabbi. Father Flannery watches this event unfold, and as he runs toward the = Rabbi, he notices that Rabbi Stern first touches his forehead, then his = stomach, then each shoulder. As Father […]...
4. A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, “So how high can you advance in your organization?” The Priest says “If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.” “Well, could you get any higher than that?” asks the Rabbi. “I suppose that […]...
5. An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying “I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork…Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, “I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd […]...
6. An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, “I gladdened seven hearts today.” “Seven hearts?” asks the friend. “How did you do that?” The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, “I performed three marriages.” The friend looks at him quizically. “Seven?” he asks. “I could understand six, […]...
7. A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out […]...
8. A stupid dog While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: “What are doing here with a dog?” Bernie: “The dog came here to pray.” “Oh, come […]...
9. Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god […]...
10. Перевод сленгового выражения hush-hush, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: hush-hush Сленговое выражение: hush-hush груб. Перевод: строго секретный, тайный Пример: The operation was so hush-hush that even the commanding officer didn’t know all of the details. Операция была настолько секретной, что даже командующий офицер не знал всех подробностей. Let’s keep that information hush-hush, OK? Давай не будем разглашать эти сведения, хорошо?...
11. A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi A Lutheran pastor, a Catholic priest and a Rabbi were fishing from a boat not from the lake shore. The pastor had to make a trip to the port-a-potty located on the shore, so he got out of the boat, walked across the water and in the same matter, came back to the boat after […]...
12. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.” “No problem,” […]...
13. Two bags Mr. Goldfarb was walking down the street. In each arm he carried a bag. He ran into Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein asked, “What are those bags for?” “I’m collecting for Israel”, said Mr. Goldfarb. “You need two bags?”, asked Mr. Klein. “I’ve got a system, said Mr. Goldfarb. It’s fantastic. I go into the men’s […]...
14. Значение идиомы hush-hush [hush-hush] {adj.}, {informal} Kept secret or hidden; kept frompublic knowledge; hushed up; concealed. The company had a newautomobile engine that it was developing, but kept it a hush-hushproject until they knew it was successful....
15. Значение идиомы hush up [hush up] {v.} 1. To keep news of from getting out;prevent people from knowing about. It isn’t always easy to hush upa scandal. 2. {informal} To be or make quiet; stop talking, crying, or making some other noise. – Often used as a command. “Hush up,”Mother said, when we began to repeat ugly gossip....
16. Poor Rabbi! A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet for the morning’s relief, and neglected to notice that the seat was up. When she sat, she kept going! She was just the right size and shape so […]...
17. Перевод слова foundation Foundation – фундамент, основание; организация, учреждение Перевод слова The foundation of London took place at an unknown date – год основания Лондона неизвестен to lay a foundation – закладывать фундамент the foundations of the theory – основы теории The rumour is without Foundation. Это ни на чем не основанный слух. The Foundation of a building […]...
18. Getting in an accident A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a […]...
19. Education in Great Britain Education in Great Britain is provided by the Local Education Authority in each county. Until recently, each LEA was free to decide how to organize education in its own area. However, in 1988 the “National Curriculum” was introduced. It means that there is greater government control over what is taught in schools now. Children under […]...
20. The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher to began his sermon when two masked men burst into the church and said “Whoever is not willing to take a bullet for Jesus better leave now.” More than half of the congregation jumped up and ran out the door. The two men took off their […]...
21. Clean St. Patrick’s Day Jokes An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, “Oy vey! What a wreck!” The priest asks him, “Are you all right, Rabbi?” The Rabbi responds, “Just a little shaken.” The priest pulls a […]...
22. A pious man who had reached the age of 105 A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at […]...
23. A theological debate Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the […]...
24. Sex on Sabbath A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, “My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex […]...
25. Перевод слова aged Aged – пожилой, старый, престарелый Перевод слова Middle-aged man – человек среднего возраста aged population – престарелые a boy aged fifteen – мальчик пятнадцати лет A woman Aged 50 has given birth to twins. Женщина в возрасте 50 лет родила двойню. His hair whitened as he Aged. Его волосы побелели, как он постарел. There is […]...
26. A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, ” My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that […]...
27. Majority rules So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual “3 to 1, majority rules” statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority. “Oh, God!” he cried. […]...
28. An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the […]...
29. A town in Poland had only one cow A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles – or one from Minsk for only 1000 rubles. So, naturally, — they got the cow from Minsk. It was a great cow: had […]...
30. British Youth – Британская молодежь Most 18 and 19 year-olds in Britain are quite independent people. Relationships within the British family are different now. Children have more freedom to make their own decisions. For example, children aged 13 may be employed part time in Great Britain. Aged 16 they can leave home, marry with “parents’ consent”. Age 18 can vote, […]...
31. Перевод идиомы hush money, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: hush money Перевод: взятка; деньги, выплачиваемые за молчание, за неразглашение информации Пример: The politician was arrested for trying to pay hush money to a victim of the scandal. Политик был арестован за то, что пытался дать взятку участнику скандала....
32. Перевод слова establish Establish – учреждать, устанавливать Перевод слова To establish a state – создать государство to establish a newspaper – основать газету to establish relations – установить отношения The school was Established in 1989 by an Italian professor. Школа была основана в 1989 г. итальянским профессором. The film Established her as a star. Фильм сделал ее звездой. […]...
33. There was a costume party at a mental hospital There was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was “war”. The first person comes up onto the stage and says, “I’m an atomic bomb.” He gets his applause and steps down. The second person comes up and says, “I’m a hydrogen bomb.” Again, there’s applause and he steps down. […]...
34. Stay over one night A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the […]...
35. Значение идиомы higher education [higher education] {n.} Schooling after graduation from highschool, especially in a college or university. Tom plans to get hishigher education at the state university....
36. Education in the USA Americans place a high value on education. Universal access to quality education has been one of the nation’s historic goals. Americas first college, Harward was founded in 1636. In 1865 education was becoming available to all. The peculiar feature of American education is the absence of national administration. Each of the 50 states controls and […]...
37. Значение идиомы cow college [cow college] {n.}, {slang} 1. An agricultural college; a school where farming is studied. A new, bigger kind of apple is being grown at the cow college. 2. A new or rural college not thought to be as good as older or city colleges. John wanted to go to a big college in New York […]...
38. Значение идиомы drown out [drown out] {v.} To make so much noise that it is impossible to hear. The children’s shouts drowned out the music. The actor’s words were drowned out by applause....
39. American and British schools – Американские и Британские школы In America, all children from six to sixteen go to school. They spend six years in “elementary” school, and four or six years in “secondary” or “high” school. School education is free. At the end of every school year, the children take a test. If a child does well, he goes into next class (“grade”). […]...
40. Топик “Образование в России” (Education in Russia) Словарь Exception [ɪkˈsepſ(ə)n] – исключение; Compulsory [kəmˈpʌlsərɪ] – обязательно; Skill [skɪl] – мастерство; To depend [dɪˈpend] – зависить; Mandatory [ˈmændətərɪ] – обязательный; Education is an important part of modern life. Originally Russian education starts from the early age. Children can start going to kindergarten from the age of two, but this is not a compulsory […]...