Tough job

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1. A man enters a barber shop for a shaveA man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. «I have just the thing,» says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. «Just place this between your cheek and gum.» The ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова shaveShave — брить, сбривать, бритье Перевод слова To get a close shave — чисто выбриться a man who needs a shave — небритая личность to shave a customer — брить клиента to shave off one’s beard — сбрить бороду He was overdue for a Shave. Ему давно было пора побриться. I had time to Shave ... Читать далее...
3. Shaving Your FaceI forgot To set my alarm last night and I woke up later than usual. I was Tempted to skip my morning Shave, but I hate having long Stubble all day. I like to be Clean-shaven every day. I’m the kind of guy who gets a Five-o’clock shadow early in the afternoon, so if I ... Читать далее...
4. A cowboy walked into a barber shopA cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, «I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.» The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, ... Читать далее...
5. This fellow comes to confessionThis fellow comes to confession. «Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.» The priest asked, «What did you do, my son?» «I lusted,» the fellow replied. «Tell me about it,» the priest said. The fellow then related his story. «Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in ... Читать далее...
6. The barber was finishing a haircutThe barber was finishing a haircut on a customer one day and started to apply some ‘Aftershave Lotion’ around his ears when the customer yelled, «Don’t put that crap on me! My wife says it smells like a French Whorehouse!» Another customer who was waiting replied, «Hey John, you can put the ‘Aftershave Lotion’ on ... Читать далее...
7. Little MermaidThree fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?» She replied, «no sir!» So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, «Did you like that?» «Oh, indeed I did, ... Читать далее...
8. A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with himA fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. «Your organ,» she ... Читать далее...
9. Cronin goes to a barber shop to get his hair cutCronin goes to a barber shop to get his hair cut. The barber cuts his hair, and after he gets done, as Cronin gets up and is taking out his money, the barber goes over and takes a leak in the corner of the barber shop. The barber finishes and comes back. As Cronin hands ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова barberBarber — мужской парикмахер, цирюльник Перевод слова Barber college — школа парикмахерского дела at the barber’s — в парикмахерской barber’s shop — цирюльня He goes to a Barber downtown. Он ходит к парикмахеру в центре города. The Barber did a real job on my hair. Парикмахер проделал серьезую работу над моими волосами....
11. Barber gives free cutsA barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, «you do God’s work.» The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова defendDefend — защищать, ограждать Перевод слова To defend one’s interests — отстаивать свои интересы defend the case — оспаривать иск to defend a post — оборонять пост They Defend the right. Они защищают правое дело. I cannot Defend his drinking on the job. Я никак не могу оправдать то, что он пьет на работе. She ... Читать далее...
13. As US tourists in IsraelAs US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. «America,» the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы tough luck[tough luck] {n. phr.} An informal way to say that one had thatcoming; it serves one right. So your date didn’t show up, eh? Toughluck, fellow....
15. Pecuniary reasonsA few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, «Does this fellow have any money?» The daughter shook her head sadly. «Oh Daddy! You men are all alike.» sighing deeply, she replied, «That’s exactly what he asked me about you.»...
16. Constantly complainingA customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour., Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth ... Читать далее...
17. Значение идиомы chance it[chance it] {v. phr.} To be willing to risk an action whose outcome is uncertain. «Should we take the boat out in such stormy weather?» Jim asked. «We can chance it,» Tony replied. «We have enough experience.»...
18. Too good to be trueA man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender «Do you serve lawyers here?» «Sure do,» replied the bartender. «Good,» said the customer, «Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my gator.»...
19. Best advice possibleTaylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor, «You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can.» After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where ... Читать далее...
20. One night, an 87-year-old womanOne night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to ... Читать далее...
21. Visit the barberA man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment — shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. — he placed the boy in the chair. «I’m goin’ to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,» he said. «I’ll be back in a few minutes.» When the boy’s ... Читать далее...
22. The Barber ShopThis guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, «How long before I can get a haircut?» The barber looks around the shop and says, «About 2 hours.» The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, «How long before I can get a ... Читать далее...
23. A man was riding in the back of his limousineA man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. «Why are you eating grass?» he asked the man. «I don’t have any money for food,» the poor man replied. «Oh, please come ... Читать далее...
24. Haircut before a tripA man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, «Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?» «We’re taking TWA,» was the reply. ... Читать далее...
25. About Barbers на английском языке писателя Mark TwainAll things change except barbers, the ways of barbers, and the surroundings of barbers. These never change. What one experiences in a barber’s shop the first time he enters one is what he always experiences in barbers’ shops afterward till the end of his days. I got shaved this morning as usual. A man approached ... Читать далее...
26. A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGEGetting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, «Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?» The other replied, ... Читать далее...
27. The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutiqueThe sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn’t bat an eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina. «What are you going to use it for?» she asked. «None of your business,» answered the customer, beet red and throughly offended. «Calm down, buddy,» soothed the salesgirl. » The only reason I’m asking is that ... Читать далее...
28. I have a questionA father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, «How does this boat float? The father replied, «Don’t rightly know son.» A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, «How do fish ... Читать далее...
29. Reward for goodnessThree men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, «I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, ... Читать далее...
30. An easy solutionOn a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, «I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.» Not wanting to argue ... Читать далее...
31. Hiring an accountantKowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, «What is three times seven?» «Twenty-two,» Kowalski replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to ... Читать далее...
32. Another ethnic jokeA man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, «What a Pollack.» The Polish man said, «I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.» ... Читать далее...
33. There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impedimentThere was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked «Could I have a fucket please?» The assistant asked»Pardon sir?». «Can I have a fucket please?» Replied the man. ... Читать далее...
34. Don’t Forget!An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor ... Читать далее...
35. Gift for a birthdayA fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses… one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that ... Читать далее...
36. A man went to the doctor for a check upA man went to the doctor for a check up. «How do you feel?» asked the doctor. «Fine.» he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, «How many times do you have sex per month?» «About two or three.» the man replied. «You should be doing better than that.» the doctor ... Читать далее...
37. An infamous stud with a long list of conquestsAn infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. «I’m scared out of my mind,» the stud replied. «Some pissed-off husband wrote to me and said he’d kill me if I didn’t stop ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод слова customerCustomer — покупатель, клиент Перевод слова Customer service — служба работы с покупателями at customer’s discretion — на усмотрение заказчика potential customer — потенциальный клиент She is one of our best Customers. Она является одним из наших лучших клиентов. Poor Customer service has ruined the company’s reputation. Плохое обслуживание клиентов погубило репутацию компании. The Customer ... Читать далее...
39. Finding a Chinese JewSid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. «Sid,» asked Al, «are there any Jews in China?» «I don’t know,» Sid replied. «Why don’t we ask the waiter?» When the waiter came by, Al asked him, «Are there any Chinese Jews?» «I don’t know sir, let me ask,» the waiter replied, and he went ... Читать далее...
40. A fellow was following a truck in heavy trafficA fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He’d then jump back into the cab in time to ... Читать далее...