Three college students were rapping about who they’d like to be

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1. A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis. The professor commented, “Oh, no, I wanted it the other way.” She replied, “What other […]...
2. Three engineering students were gathered together Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.” The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would […]...
3. Перевод слова page Page – страница Перевод слова At the bottom of the page – внизу страницы front-page headlines – заголовки передовиц the layout of the text on the page – размещение текста на странице page layout – макет страницы There is a Page missing. Здесь недостает страницы. See Page 11. Смотрите на стр. 11. Leave the last […]...
4. Reading the Newspaper I Fell into the habit of reading the newspaper every morning when I was a kid. Back then, there used to be two daily newspapers-morning Edition and an afternoon edition. Nowadays, of course, many cities in the U. S. have just a morning paper. I’m not too Picky about which newspaper I read, although When […]...
5. A college professor’s going to bed with his wife A college professor’s going to bed with his wife. He’s not that tired, so he’s gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So he’s reading, and every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun spot… “Kitza kitza…” She says, “Will you stop that! Will you stop […]...
6. A college couple is under a tree on campus making out A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, “I wish you had a flashlight.” He says, “Why’s that?” She says, “Because you’ve been eating grass for fifteen minutes.”...
7. Students miss a final Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms – so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final […]...
8. PUPPY LOVE A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.” The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being […]...
9. Reporting the News I have always wanted to be a News reporter. When I was about 10 years old, I would write my own news stories and Publish them in my own newspaper. In reality, the newspaper was just a piece of paper on which I’d written my stories and drew my pictures, but it was My first […]...
10. Repairing an Appliance Virginia: Hand me that screwdriver, will you? Alonso: Don’t tell me you’re trying To fix that dryer yourself. We need to call in an Authorized repairman or repairwoman. Virginia: Do you have any idea what they’ll Charge? Alonso: All right, then I’ll call a Handyman and see if he knows anything about fixing dryers. Virginia: […]...
11. Who invented sex A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon” The Italian says, “We have the Colosseum” The Greek says “We had great Mathematicians” The Italian says “We had the Roman Empire” …and so on and so on and then the Greek says: […]...
12. Another ethnic joke A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, “What a Pollack.” The Polish man said, “I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.” […]...
13. Перевод слова Italian Italian – итальянский; итальянец, итальянка Перевод слова Appetence for the Italian art – приверженность итальянскому искусству Italian roof – архит. покатая крыша the Italians – итальянцы He prefers shoes of Italian derivation. Он предпочитает туфли итальянского производства. Miss pronounces Italian very Americanly. Мисс произносит итальянские слова слишком по-американски. It is his Italian accent that distinguishes […]...
14. Перевод слова newspaper Newspaper – газета Перевод слова Newspaper file – подшивка газет newspaper heading – газетный заголовок to publish a newspaper – выпускать газету It was in some Newspaper. Это было в какой-то газете. Murdoch owns many Newspapers. Мердок владеет многими газетными изданиями. Did you see today’s Newspaper? Ты видел сегодняшнюю газету? Происхождение слова newspaper Сложное слово, […]...
15. Formatting a Document Franz: I’ve just switched over to this program and I can’t figure out how To format my document. Can you help me? Helen: I can try. Let’s take a look. What do you want to do? Franz: I want to change the Margins so that I can fit more on a page. I don’t know […]...
16. A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. “Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored […]...
17. Convince these students An Army recruiter delivered a windy pep talk to encourage a group of college students to join the VOLAR. But the culminating point of his oration was greeted with cat calls, whistles and projection of rotten eggs and an assortment of no less rotten vegetables and fruits. A visitor asked a student: “Why you throw […]...
18. One day a teacher was teaching religion One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?” Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. “I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of […]...
19. Seeing an Eye Doctor I’ve been getting a lot of headaches the past few weeks and my co-worker suggested I go see an Optometrist. Dr. Olho: Okay, let’s take a look. Do you wear Glasses or Contacts? Virginia: I used to, but I had Laser eye surgery three years ago and I don’t wear them anymore. Dr. Olho: I […]...
20. A first-grade teacher was overseeing her students as A first-grade teacher was overseeing her students as they experimented with their desk computers. One boy sat staring at the screen, unsure how to get the computer going. The teacher walked over and read what was on his screen. In her most reassuring voice, she said, “The computer wants to know what your name is,” […]...
21. A man was driving through West Virginia A man was driving through West Virginia looking for a place to move to. He saw 2 men sitting on a porch and said, “I’m moving here from the city, what do you guys do around here?” The men answered, “Go hunt’n, kill things, ‘n screw”. He then asked, “What do you hunt and kill?” […]...
22. Excuse TO smoke Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, “You really ought to quit.” She, getting tired of his nagging, said, “I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex.” He replied, “But […]...
23. A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said “Let’s all go to O’Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness.” The Italian said “That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini’s with […]...
24. Marital Sex While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn’t enjoy it. Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: “What happened, did I hurt you?” “Why no, not at all,” said his surprised wife. “Whatever made you […]...
25. This snow plow driver from North Dakota This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married. He and his new Bride prepared for their wedding nite. He watched for a while as she spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in preparation for their love making. She finally announced that she was ready. The man then asked if […]...
26. College Dorm On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the […]...
27. This fellow comes to confession This fellow comes to confession. “Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asked, “What did you do, my son?” “I lusted,” the fellow replied. “Tell me about it,” the priest said. The fellow then related his story. “Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in […]...
28. College student 3D prints his own braces Amos Dudley wears his skills in his smile. The digital design major has been straightening his top teeth for the past 16 weeks using clear braces he made himself. “I’m still wearing the last one,” Dudley told CNNMoney on Tuesday. “The last one” refers to the twelfth and final straightening tray in his self-designed treatment. […]...
29. College bar joke When I was in college our RA told us of a good one that (supposedly) some friends had pulled a couple of years earlier. These two guys made up a concoction of all kinds of left overs, semi-pureed it in a blender, and filled a hot water bottle with it. One of them took the […]...
30. College dorm joke Two very hot-headed people lived directly across the halls from each other. Dave got a piece of 1/2″ rope and tied their doors together with about a 6″ gap of slack. Waited until 2:30am and knocked REALLY HARD on both doors. Interesting way to wake up…having two steaming mad football jerks slamming each other’s doors […]...
31. College dining halls This reminds me of a similar stunt we used to enjoy at the dining hall in my undergrad days. The food service used opaque plastic salt and pepper shakers with pop-off tops that could be pried off with a knife blade if you were persistent enough. PREPARATION (in a restroom nearby): (1) Empty salt ( […]...
32. And yet another college dorm joke I have lived in several different houses with a bunch of guys. Needless to say things got pretty rowdy sometimes and many were victims of some pretty funny jokes. One of the favorites as I recall (and still is) is to go into the bathroom while the victim is taking a shower, and pour a […]...
33. College cafeteria joke Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria. One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides. When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), […]...
34. The College Food Chain THE DEAN Leaps tall buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Gives policy to God THE DEPARTMENT HEAD Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Talks with […]...
35. At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, “Will we have to fight a World War Three?” “Yes, comrades, looks like […]...
36. A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people overlook the things they already have. He says, “A man who has developed a true sense of appreciation can enjoy a good bowel movement as much as having sexual intercourse.” One student stands up and says, “Professor, […]...
37. The dean of women at an exclusive girl’s college The dean of women at an exclusive girl’s college was lecturing her students on sexual morality. “In moments of temptation,” said the speaker to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?” A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: “How […]...
38. Three college roommates – two females and a male Three college roommates – two females and a male – began to argue after dinner about whose turn it was to do the dishes. “All right,” one of the girls said, “the first one to speak has to do them.” The trio retired to the living room to watch TV. When their neighbor, a school […]...
39. Types of Students in School Cheech: Is this your old Yearbook? Boo: Yeah, I found it while cleaning out my closet. Cheech: Look at your picture! You look like you were an Honor roll student. Boo: Don’t be fooled. I was just an average student, not the Valedictorian, but not a Dropout either. Cheech: Who is that? She’s very pretty. […]...
40. Missing person Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man. The wife said, “He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is […]...