There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle

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1. A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowlyA little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until reaches heavily into the ground with a hard knock over his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ... Читать далее...
2. How to Catch a White ElephantHow to Catch a White Elephant ============================= Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the ... Читать далее...
3. Elephants IIIHow do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge? The door won’t close. How ... Читать далее...
4. Elephants IXEvery nation has to write a book about the Elephant: The French book — The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant The English book — Elephants I have shot on Safari The Welsh book — The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant ... Читать далее...
5. Bush as a post turtleWhile suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his hand caught in a gate while working his cattle)a doctor and the old man were discussing Bush’s health care reform ideas. The old man said «Well, ya know, old Bush is a post turtle». So, not knowing what he ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова elephantElephant — слон Перевод слова Work elephant — рабочий слон he can’t hit an elephant — он и в слона-то не попадет an elephant in a china shop — неуклюжий и бестактный человек The passerby was trampled by an Elephant. Прохожего затоптал слон. They nearly equalled the Elephant in size. По размеру они почти сравнялись ... Читать далее...
7. Nice, but roughAn elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it. It was far out of reach. A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak. «Oh, thank you!» said the elephant. «My, pleasure ma’am.» said the ... Читать далее...
8. The best book on elephantsThe UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants. The British submited a dry historical account «The Elephant and the British Empire.» The French submited a text «The Sensuality of the Elephant — a Personal Account.» The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled «An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of ... Читать далее...
9. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one dayFather, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, «Mummy, what is that long thing?» His mother replies, «That, son, ... Читать далее...
10. A mouse and a lion walk were in a barA mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in. «Get a load of her» said the mouse, «what a babe!» «Well, why not try your luck?» replied the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five minutes ... Читать далее...
11. An ant and an elephant share a night of romanceAn ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. «Damn», says the ant, «one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!»...
12. Перевод идиомы elephant in the room, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: elephant in the room Перевод: простая истина, что-либо, о чем всем известно, что всем очевидно, но на что не обращают внимание, что не обсуждается, и т. п. Пример: When I had dinner with my parents, the elephant in the room was the fact that I’m 45 years old and still single. Во время ужина ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы white elephant[white elephant] {n. phr.} Unwanted property, such as real estate, that is hard to sell. That big house of theirs on the corner sureis a white elephant....
14. Wounded elephant seeks help from safari lodge after being shot by poachersAn alarming sight to be sure — Ben, an injured bull elephant, approached the lodge to ask for help. IF YOU need further proof that elephants are highly-intelligent animals, this is it. Ben, an injured bull elephant — thought to be 30-years-old — gave staffers at the Bumi Hills Safari Lodge in Kariba, Zimbabwe the ... Читать далее...
15. How to Hunt Elephants — Math styleMathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students. Sent by Alex...
16. Перевод идиомы white elephant, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: white elephant Перевод: обуза (бесполезная собственность, которую обременительно держать и от которой трудно избавиться) Пример: They are having a white elephant sale at the school next week. На следующей неделе у них в школе будут продаваться старые ненужные вещи....
17. Перевод слова babyBaby — ребенок, младенец Перевод слова Mother’s baby — мамин любимчик, маменькин сынок the chirrup of the baby — детский щебет baby daughter — дочурка, малышка How is the Baby? Как чувствует себя ребенок? Don’t be a Baby! Не будь ребенком! The Baby’s so cute. Ребенок такой милый. Примеры из жизни Слово ‘baby’ используется во ... Читать далее...
18. One day shortly after the birth of their new babyOne day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby ... Читать далее...
19. Baby bear wants to live somewhere elseThe three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of ... Читать далее...
20. Delivering a babyA country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he ... Читать далее...
21. How to Hunt Elephants — Sales StyleSalespeople don’t hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven’t caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray and sell them as «desktop elephants.» Sent by Alex...
22. Elephants found to understand human pointing without trainingA study by researchers from the University St Andrews has found that elephants are the only wild animals that can understand human pointing without being trained. In the study, published in Current Biology, the researchers show that a group of 11 captive Zimbabwean elephants, which were used to following vocal instructions but weren’t trained to ... Читать далее...
23. Refrigerate elephantsAnalysis: 1. Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig. 2. Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant). 3. Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem. Number theory: 1. First factorize, second multiply. 2. Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in. Algebra: 1. Step 1. Show that the ... Читать далее...
24. A woman, a bus and a babyA woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, «That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!» The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, «The driver has just insulted me!» The man says, «There’s no call ... Читать далее...
25. Baby BoomersAfter World War II Americans and Europeans were busy rebuilding their countries and economies. It was a time in which soldiers came home from war camps and went back to their normal lives. In the years that followed many babies were born and the birth rates went up quickly. This generation of people became known ... Читать далее...
26. Speaking to a Baby or Young ChildMy sister had to go out of town for a couple of days and I offered To look after her 18-month-old Twins. It wasn’t long before I realized that I was Over my head! … Colleen: Okay, you two, it’s time to go Beddy-bye. Baby: No! Colleen: Yes, let’s get your Jammies on. You can ... Читать далее...
27. Preparing for a New BabyWanda: Oh hi, I wasn’t expecting you today. Enrique: We’ve been cleaning out our garage and your sister said I should come by with a few things for your baby. Wanda: That’s really sweet of you guys, but I’m not Due for another six months. Enrique: But you’ll need these things to get the baby’s ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы throw the baby out with the bath[throw the baby out with the bath ] {v. phr.} To rejectall of something because part is faulty. God knows that there areweaknesses in the program, but if they act too hastily they may causethe baby to be thrown out with the bathwater....
29. Значение идиомы baby boom[baby boom] {n.} A sudden increase in the birth rate. The universities were filled to capacity due to the baby boom that followed World War II....
30. Tarzania IIWhat is the difference between en elephant and a plum? An elephant is grey. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance? «Look! A herd of plums in the distance» (Jane is colorblind)...
31. Значение идиомы baby kisser[baby kisser] {n.}, {slang} A person campaigning for votes in his quest for elected political office; such persons often kiss little children in public. Nixon was a baby kisser when he ran for Vice President with Eisenhower....
32. How to Hunt Elephants — VP StyleWhen the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, his staff will try to ensure that all elephants are completely prehunted before he sees them. If the VP sees a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment the vice president’s keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence. Sent by Alex...
33. A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a babyA young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she’s still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat ... Читать далее...
34. Hero cat saves baby from freezing to deathEat your heart out, Lassie! Masha, a long-haired tabby cat, saved the life of a baby abandoned in the streets of Russia — after she climbed into the box he was discarded in and kept him warm, health officials said. «The baby had only been outside for a few hours and thanks to Masha… he ... Читать далее...
35. Two storks on a nest, a father stork and baby storkTwo storks on a nest, a father stork and baby stork. Baby is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. «Don’t worry Son, your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.» The next night, its fathers turn to do the job. «Son, your father will ... Читать далее...
36. Having a BabyPatrick: Hey, congratulations! I just heard that You’re expecting. How far along are you? Cindy: Thanks. I’m Four and a half months pregnant. It feels like it! I feel huge. Patrick: You don’t look it. I bet Carlos is excited. Do you know yet if it’s a boy or a girl? Cindy: No, we don‚Aot. ... Читать далее...
37. Ten Signs That You’re At A Bad Zoo1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. 2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino ... Читать далее...
38. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы baby grand[baby grand] {n.} A small grand piano no longer than three feet, maximally four feet. This apartment can’t take a regular grand piano, so we’ll have to buy a baby grand....
40. How to Hunt Elephants — Comp Sci StyleComputer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A: 1. Go to Africa 2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope 3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately East and West. 4. During each traverse a. Catch each animal seen b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant c. Stop when a ... Читать далее...