Elephants IX

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1. The best book on elephants The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants. The British submited a dry historical account “The Elephant and the British Empire.” The French submited a text “The Sensuality of the Elephant – a Personal Account.” The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled “An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of […]...
2. How to Hunt Elephants – Sales Style Salespeople don’t hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven’t caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray and sell them as “desktop elephants.” Sent by Alex...
3. How to Hunt Elephants – Math style Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students. Sent by Alex...
4. Elephants III How do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge? The door won’t close. How […]...
5. How to Hunt Elephants – VP Style When the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, his staff will try to ensure that all elephants are completely prehunted before he sees them. If the VP sees a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment the vice president’s keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence. Sent by Alex...
6. How to Hunt Elephants – Comp Sci Style Computer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A: 1. Go to Africa 2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope 3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately East and West. 4. During each traverse a. Catch each animal seen b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant c. Stop when a […]...
7. Refrigerate elephants Analysis: 1. Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig. 2. Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant). 3. Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem. Number theory: 1. First factorize, second multiply. 2. Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in. Algebra: 1. Step 1. Show that the […]...
8. Elephants recognize the voices of their enemies African elephants can distinguish human languages, genders and ages associated with danger. Humans are among the very few animals that constitute a threat to elephants. Yet not all people are a danger – and elephants seem to know it. The giants have shown a remarkable ability to use sight and scent to distinguish between African […]...
9. Elephants found to understand human pointing without training A study by researchers from the University St Andrews has found that elephants are the only wild animals that can understand human pointing without being trained. In the study, published in Current Biology, the researchers show that a group of 11 captive Zimbabwean elephants, which were used to following vocal instructions but weren’t trained to […]...
10. How to hunt elephants – Lawyers style How to hunt elephants – Lawyer’s style Lawyers don’t hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping. Sent by Alex...
11. How to Catch a White Elephant How to Catch a White Elephant ============================= Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the […]...
12. Перевод слова Swiss Swiss – швейцарский, швейцарец Перевод слова Swiss cheese – швейцарский сыр Swiss cottage – шале, домик в швейцарском стиле the Swiss – швейцарцы The Swiss entrepreneur has pulled the plug on any further investment in the firm. Швейцарский предприниматель полностью прекратил любые дальнейшие вложения в эту фирму. The local currency is the Swiss franc. Местной […]...
13. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, “Mummy, what is that long thing?” His mother replies, “That, son, […]...
14. Wales (2) Wales is a country of lakes and mountains. Its about the half the size of Switzerland, and it has a population of two and three quarter million. On the north of Wales is located one of the most beautiful sceneries on the British islands, the Snowdon mountain. Snowdon is Britain’s second highest mountain. Wales is […]...
15. Tarzania II What is the difference between en elephant and a plum? An elephant is grey. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance? “Look! A herd of plums in the distance” (Jane is colorblind)...
16. Rent-A-Guinea Pig Service Takes Off in Switzerland Guinea pigs are sociable animals and Swiss law prohibits owners from keeping the furry rodents on their own. But what happens when one dies? Don’t fret, just call Priska Küng, who runs a ‘rent-a-guinea pig’ service to provide companionship for grieving, lonely animals in the twilight of their years. Swiss animal lover Priska Küng runs […]...
17. Значение идиомы short [short] See: CAUGHT SHORT, FALL SHORT, FOR SHORT, IN BRIEF or INSHORT, IN SHORT ORDER, IN SHORT SUPPLY, MAKE SHORT WORK OF, RUN SHORT, SELL SHORT, THE LONG AND THE SHORT....
18. Nice, but rough An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it. It was far out of reach. A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak. “Oh, thank you!” said the elephant. “My, pleasure ma’am.” said the […]...
19. Перевод слова introduction Introduction – введение, представление, знакоство, включение (в состав) Перевод слова Letter of introduction – рекомендательное письмо an introduction to English literature – введение в курс английской литературы to deliver one’s introduction – произнести вступительную речь the rapid introduction of a probe into a wound – быстрое введение зонда в рану He got a no-frills Introduction […]...
20. Перевод слова elephant Elephant – слон Перевод слова Work elephant – рабочий слон he can’t hit an elephant – он и в слона-то не попадет an elephant in a china shop – неуклюжий и бестактный человек The passerby was trampled by an Elephant. Прохожего затоптал слон. They nearly equalled the Elephant in size. По размеру они почти сравнялись […]...
21. Значение идиомы white elephant [white elephant] {n. phr.} Unwanted property, such as real estate, that is hard to sell. That big house of theirs on the corner sureis a white elephant....
22. International Trade Why do we trade? Trade happens because people need or want things that they don’t have. We also trade for work that we cannot do ourselves. Trade between countries happens for the same reason. Some countries, for example, have natural resources, like coal, oil or wood which other countries might want to buy. They try […]...
23. Значение идиомы sell short [sell short] {v.} To think less good orvaluable than is true; underestimate. Don’t sell the team short;the players are better than you think. Some teachers sold Johnshort....
24. A fair warning Tourist guide at zoo: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the largest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don’t stand near the elephant’s backside…. Madam, PLEASE don’t stand near the elephant’s backside… MADAM… […]...
25. Значение идиомы sell out [sell out] {v.} 1a. To sell all of a certain thing which a storehas in stock. In the store’s January white sale the sheets andpillowcases were sold out in two days. 1b. To sell all the stock andclose the store; go out of business. The local hardware store soldout last month and was replaced by […]...
26. There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when […]...
27. Police Arrest Brothers Who Sold a Fake Goya… and Were Paid with Fake Cash Meet the “Dumb and Dumber” of art crime. Spanish Police have arrested two brothers from Girona, Spain, who attempted to sell a fake Francisco de Goya painting to a purported sheikh, EFE reports. But the “sheikh” was no victim: he paid the pair with photocopied money. The con artists realized they had been tricked when […]...
28. Wales Wales is a country situated in the West of Britain. St. David is the patron saint of Wales. On 1 st March, St. David’s Day, patriotic Welsh people wear a leek or a daffodil, both symbols of Wales. The population of Wales is about three million. The area of Wales is 20,764 sq. km. Wales […]...
29. Перевод слова nation Nation – нация, народ, страна Перевод слова Divided nation – разобщенная нация independent nation – независимое государство civilized nation – цивилизованное государство Doom hung over the Nation. Злой рок навис над страной. The war has polarized the Nation. Война расколола нацию. The news was announced to the Nation. Эта новость была объявлена народу....
30. Need extra cash A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, “Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?” “Uhh, […]...
31. Capitalism Features of capitalism In a capitalist system private households need goods. They buy these goods from the income that they have. Some households have more income than others. Sometimes only one member of a household has a job, at other times both husband and wife go to work. Then they have more money to buy […]...
32. An ant and an elephant share a night of romance An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. “Damn”, says the ant, “one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!”...
33. Перевод слова German German – немецкий, немец, немецкий язык Перевод слова New word of German mintage – новое слово немецкого происхождения an obscure German poet – малоизвестный немецкий поэт words borrowed from the German – слова, заимствованные из немецкого the Germans – немцы He improved his German. Он продвинулся в изучении немецкого языка. He is originally German. Он […]...
34. Tarzania What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance? “Look, a herd of elephants in the distance” What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses in the distance? Nothing. He doesn’t recognize them. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in […]...
35. Get-Rich-Quick Schemes Bill: What are you watching? Susan: I’m watching a really interesting TV program. It’s about how to make a lot of money quickly and easily. Bill: Are you watching an Infomercial? Those things are Scams! You should know better than To fall for some Get-rich-quick scheme. Susan: This isn’t a scam. This program is about […]...
36. How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours I once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous sentence.” It didn’t sell very well. I thought with the short attention span of people these […]...
37. Значение идиомы short of [short of ] {adj. phr.} 1. Less or worse than. Don’t doanything short of your best. 2. Not having enough. We did not buyanything because we were short of money. The girls were asked towait on tables because the kitchen was short of help....
38. This man goes into the doctor with his This man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state, really bad now. Doctor: “What happened to you?” He says: “I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!” Doctor: “But I don’t understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and couldn’t cause that much damage!” He says “Aah […]...
39. What’s on your back Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, “What do you want on your back for your whipping?” The German responds, “I will take oil!” So they put oil on his back, and […]...
40. About Britain in brief – О Великобритании кратко Great Britain or Foggy Albion, or Britain consists of England, Scotland, and Wales. The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland includes Great Britain and Northern Ireland. The UK is an island state: it is composed of some 5 thousand small islands lie varying distances from the coasts. Geographically, the island of GB is […]...