How to Hunt Elephants – Sales Style

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1. How to Hunt Elephants – Math style Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students. Sent by Alex...
2. How to Hunt Elephants – Comp Sci Style Computer scientists hunt elephants using algorithm A: 1. Go to Africa 2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope 3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately East and West. 4. During each traverse a. Catch each animal seen b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant c. Stop when a […]...
3. How to hunt elephants – Lawyers style How to hunt elephants – Lawyer’s style Lawyers don’t hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping. Sent by Alex...
4. How to Hunt Elephants – VP Style When the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, his staff will try to ensure that all elephants are completely prehunted before he sees them. If the VP sees a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment the vice president’s keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence. Sent by Alex...
5. Elephants IX Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant: The French book – The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant The English book – Elephants I have shot on Safari The Welsh book – The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant […]...
6. The best book on elephants The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants. The British submited a dry historical account “The Elephant and the British Empire.” The French submited a text “The Sensuality of the Elephant – a Personal Account.” The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled “An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of […]...
7. Elephants III How do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge? The door won’t close. How […]...
8. How to Catch a White Elephant How to Catch a White Elephant ============================= Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins). Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it. The white elephant will be happy, and eat the […]...
9. Refrigerate elephants Analysis: 1. Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig. 2. Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant). 3. Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem. Number theory: 1. First factorize, second multiply. 2. Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in. Algebra: 1. Step 1. Show that the […]...
10. Elephants found to understand human pointing without training A study by researchers from the University St Andrews has found that elephants are the only wild animals that can understand human pointing without being trained. In the study, published in Current Biology, the researchers show that a group of 11 captive Zimbabwean elephants, which were used to following vocal instructions but weren’t trained to […]...
11. Elephants recognize the voices of their enemies African elephants can distinguish human languages, genders and ages associated with danger. Humans are among the very few animals that constitute a threat to elephants. Yet not all people are a danger – and elephants seem to know it. The giants have shown a remarkable ability to use sight and scent to distinguish between African […]...
12. Перевод слова software Software – программное обеспечение Перевод слова Friendly software – “дружественное” программное обеспечение software packing – комплект программного обеспечения software compatibility – программная совместимость The Software was developed in-house. Программное обеспечение было разработано внутри фирмы. The Software is due to ship next month. Ожидается, что эта программа поступит в продажу в следующем месяце. Microsoft dominates the […]...
13. Software Development Process 1) Order the T-shirts for the Development team 2) Announce availability 3) Write the code 4) Write the manual 5) Hire a Product Manager 6) Spec the software (writing the specs after the code helps to ensure that the software meets the specifications) 7) Ship 8) Test (the customers are a big help here) 9) […]...
14. Перевод слова invoice Invoice – счет-фактура, накладная Перевод слова To issue an invoice – выписывать счет to send an invoice – посылать счет duplicate invoice – копия счета The conditions of sale are printed on the back of the Invoice. Условия продажи напечатаны на оборотной стороне накладной. Let me get the store manager, and he’ll rectify the Invoice […]...
15. Перевод слова hardware Hardware – оборудование, аппаратура Перевод слова Hardware engineer – специалист по ЭВМ, электронщик piece of hardware – элемент конструкции hardware constraints – аппаратные ограничения They carried a vast inventory of Hardware. Они несли огромный запас оборудования. Computer Hardware becomes obsolete quickly. Компьютерное оборудование быстро устаревает. The Hardware store offers several different glues. Магазин бытовой техники […]...
16. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have […]...
17. Значение идиомы sell out [sell out] {v.} 1a. To sell all of a certain thing which a storehas in stock. In the store’s January white sale the sheets andpillowcases were sold out in two days. 1b. To sell all the stock andclose the store; go out of business. The local hardware store soldout last month and was replaced by […]...
18. Did you hear about the hillbilly Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to buy a chain saw? He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day. He was back at the hardware store with the saw a couple days later complaining that it only cut one tree and that […]...
19. Tarzania II What is the difference between en elephant and a plum? An elephant is grey. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance? “Look! A herd of plums in the distance” (Jane is colorblind)...
20. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, “Mummy, what is that long thing?” His mother replies, “That, son, […]...
21. Nice, but rough An elephant was having a horrible time in the jungle because a horsefly kept biting near her tail and there was nothing she could do about it. It was far out of reach. A sparrow saw this and killed the horsefly with its beak. “Oh, thank you!” said the elephant. “My, pleasure ma’am.” said the […]...
22. Перевод слова elephant Elephant – слон Перевод слова Work elephant – рабочий слон he can’t hit an elephant – он и в слона-то не попадет an elephant in a china shop – неуклюжий и бестактный человек The passerby was trampled by an Elephant. Прохожего затоптал слон. They nearly equalled the Elephant in size. По размеру они почти сравнялись […]...
23. Значение идиомы white elephant [white elephant] {n. phr.} Unwanted property, such as real estate, that is hard to sell. That big house of theirs on the corner sureis a white elephant....
24. Значение идиомы get gray hair [get gray hair] or [get gray] {v. phr.}, {informal} To become oldor gray from worrying; become very anxious or worried. – Often usedwith “over”. “If John doesn’t join the team, I won’t get gray hairover it,” the coach said. Naughty children are why mothers getgray. Compare: GIVE GRAY HAIR....
25. Перевод слова gray Gray – серый Перевод слова Cold gray skies – холодные серые небеса steel gray colour – серый с голубым отливом цвет gray-scale picture – полутоновое изображение His hair was shot with Gray. В его волосах поблескивали седые нити. It was a Gray, dreary morning. Он был серое, тоскливое утро. A large Gray, indistinct mass stretched […]...
26. A fair warning Tourist guide at zoo: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the largest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don’t stand near the elephant’s backside…. Madam, PLEASE don’t stand near the elephant’s backside… MADAM… […]...
27. Making a Sales Call Last week, I was at a business Luncheon and I met a woman Named Dana Okri who was Heading a new Start up. I have been a Sales rep for Eureka Corp. for three years now and our Bread and butter is Data management software. I told her briefly about our products over lunch and […]...
28. There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when […]...
29. Garage Sales One of the things I like to do on the weekends is go to garage sales. I’m a Bargain hunter and Collector, so garage sales are good places for me. I look in the newspapers or just follow Homemade signs To find the sales in my neighborhood. Whether it’s because people are doing Spring cleaning […]...
30. Garage Sales One of the things I like to do on the weekends is go to garage sales. I’m a Bargain hunter and Collector, so garage sales are good places for me. I look in the newspapers or just follow Homemade signs To find the sales in my neighborhood. Whether it’s because people are doing Spring cleaning […]...
31. An old man goes into the Social Security Office An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, […]...
32. Перевод слова paint Paint – краска, раскрашивать, рисовать красками Перевод слова To dissolve paint – растворять краску exterior paint – краска для наружных работ to paint a fresco – писать фреску Wet Paint! Осторожно, окрашено! I need more blue Paint. Мне нужно больше синей краски. This Paint covers well. Эта краска хорошо ложится. Примеры из жизни Слово Paint […]...
33. Значение идиомы live wire [live wire] {n. phr.} 1. An electrically charged wire, usuallyuninsulated. The electrician was severely burned by the live wire. 2. An alert or energetic person. To sell the new merchandise, ourcompany needs several salespeople who are live wires....
34. Magician Nick Britt jumps through hoops to secure permit for pet rabbit Siena Britt, 3, of Sippy Downs, is the proud owner of “Mr Fluffy Bum”, a domestic rabbit that her magician father Nick Britt had to jump through hoops to keep. Queensland is the only state in Australia that strictly prohibits keeping domestic rabbits as pets. Offenders face fines of $45,500. Mr Britt is one of […]...
35. Значение идиомы give gray hair [give gray hair] {v. phr.}, {informal} To make anxious, confused, or worried. The traffic problem is enough to give apoliceman gray hairs. Compare: GET GRAY HAIR....
36. Значение идиомы in good time [in good time] or [in good season] {adv. phr.} 1. A little early;sooner than necessary. The school bus arrived in good time. Thestudents finished their school work in good time. We reached thestation in good season to catch the 9:15 bus for New York. 2. or [indue course] or [in due season] or [in due […]...
37. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
38. An ant and an elephant share a night of romance An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. “Damn”, says the ant, “one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!”...
39. The three survivors of the shipwreck The three survivors of the shipwreck were being driven mad by hunger. The Irishman, an expert navigator, told the others that if they could row the lifeboat for three more days they could make landfall. The Pole, the ship’s doctor, said that they could not possibly last that long, that there was only one solution […]...
40. A change of style Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. He says “When did you start wearing them?” To which the other man replies “Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car.”...