The modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie

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1. A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hillA Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while; then the lass said, «A penny for your thoughts.» The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, «Well, I was thinkin’ how nice it would be if ye’d give me a ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова modestModest — скромный, умеренный, застенчивый Перевод слова Modest girl — скромная девушка modest gift — скромный подарок to be in modest circumstances — быть в стесненных обстоятельствах He built a Modest dwelling near the pond. Он построил скромное жилище возле пруда. We live on a Modest budget. Мы живем на скромный бюджет. He is a ... Читать далее...
3. A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncingA young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter «R,» and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: «Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.» In class a ... Читать далее...
4. Remember a childA young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. «Pardon me,» she said, «I’m sorry if my ... Читать далее...
5. A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supplyA young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. ... Читать далее...
6. The young playboy took a blind date to anThe young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. «What would you like to do next?» he asked. «I wanna be weighed,» she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guesser. «One-twelve,» said ... Читать далее...
7. A lady from California purchased a piece of timber landA lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that ... Читать далее...
8. The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement parkThe young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. «What would you like to do next?» he asked. «I wanna be weighed,» she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guessed. «One-twelve,» said ... Читать далее...
9. This young lady, a flighty young thingThis young lady, a flighty young thing, got a job cleaning the bank windows in the evening after the bank closed for business. Anyway, she was up this ladder, cleaning good and proper and as she was in the habit of wearing no knickers, every young man who would come along would stop and stare ... Читать далее...
10. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problemA young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front ... Читать далее...
11. Spell itWoman: Two *Achoo!* tickets, please. Clerk: Have you purchased tickets here before? Woman: *cough* No. Clerk: Then I need your address. Woman: Okay. It’s 260..*AHEM* Sorry..Laryngitis… Clerk: You’ll have to spell that one for me....
12. Several weeks after a young man had been hiredSeveral weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director’s office. «What is the meaning of this?» the director asked. «When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you’ve ever held.» «Well,» the young man ... Читать далее...
13. A young man took a girl out to dinner and a showA young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along very well, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartment for a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, he asked if he could give her an old fashioned ... Читать далее...
14. The modest man is in the hospital for a series of testThe modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last test has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing ... Читать далее...
15. There once was a young Irish woman who went to confessionThere once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, «Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.» The priest said, «Confess your sins and be forgiven.» The young woman said, «Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.» The priest thought long and hard ... Читать далее...
16. A very modest lady applied for a jobA very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made «Tickle me Elmo dolls». It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her that she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls ... Читать далее...
17. One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girlOne day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said «you don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too ... Читать далее...
18. On their honeymoon nightOn their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, «I can’t wear your pants.» «That’s right,» intoned the groom, «And don’t you forget it. I’m the one who wears the pants in the family.» The bride ... Читать далее...
19. How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for HoursI once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous sentence.» It didn’t sell very well. I thought with the short attention span of people these ... Читать далее...
20. A young, freshly minted lieutenantA young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, the captain asked for questions. Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, «If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?» «Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump ... Читать далее...
21. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good lookingA young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, «Stop making love down there!» «What’s the matter with you?» the husband said when the sailor climbed down. «We weren’t making love.» «Sorry,» said the sailor, «From ... Читать далее...
22. Silly superstition«Say, how old are you anyway?» the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing. «Thirteen.» she replied with a shy smile. «Thirteen??? My God girl!!! You get those clothes back on at once and get the hell outta here! Are you crazy?» he thundered. Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the ... Читать далее...
23. A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious itemsA man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with «WWJD» printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn’t figure it out, so he asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова youngYoung — молодой, юный Перевод слова Robust young man — здоровый крепкий юноша young fellow — молодой человек young idea — свежая идея A Young cat is a kitten. Маленькую кошку называют котенком. He looks Young for his age. Он выглядит молодо для своего возраста. The lioness fought to protect her Young. Львица дралась, чтобы ... Читать далее...
25. A little girl was playing up a tree near a churchA little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and ... Читать далее...
26. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopersA young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. «So, did you ... Читать далее...
27. Hair on my chestA woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. «HA!» he snorted. «The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!» On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, «There! I ... Читать далее...
28. A young married womanA young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend. The girlfriend asked, «Do you talk to your husband when you’re making love?» She thought about it a minute then said, «Well, no. But I could. I mean he has a cell phone and all now.»...
29. Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekickStudly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick are perched near the front door of the girls’ dorm. Several plain Janes walk by as the two converse. Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm and saunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and — barely audibly — inquires, «Tickle your ass with a feather?» The ... Читать далее...
30. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his nameAn Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked «Can i help you sir?» Our man said «Yes, I would like to change my name.» «What is your current name?» asked the clerk. «Martin Arsehole,» replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said «I ... Читать далее...
31. One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decidedOne day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each ... Читать далее...
32. The young couple was engaged in a most affectionateThe young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm. «Heavens,» she cried, «it’s my husband! Quick, jump out the window.» The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the ... Читать далее...
33. A young boy, about eight years old, was at the cornerA young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner «Mom & Pop» grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. «Oh, no laundry,» the boy said, «I’m going to ... Читать далее...
34. Another ethnic jokeA man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, «What a Pollack.» The Polish man said, «I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.» ... Читать далее...
35. The office playboy had a date with an attractive young womanThe office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day someone asked him how things had gone. «She uses too many four-letter words for me,» was the reply. «Really?» «Yes,» answered the playboy. «All evening long she was saying «don’t» and «stop» and «quit that.»...
36. Being Modest and BoastfulHans: Well, I think the choice is clear. I think we should hire Clark. Freddie: To me, the choice is clear, too, but I think that choice is Paul. Both Paul and Clark are qualified for the job, but Clark is a Blowhard. He was too Full of himself. Hans: Clark may Come off as ... Читать далее...
37. A state-of-the-art watchA cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, «Is your date running late?» «No», he replies,»I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just ... Читать далее...
38. A young girl is with her dad at the barbersA young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on the floor. «Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?» asked the barber. «Don’t be so stupid, I’m only three!!» said the girl!...
39. An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers. «Oh honey», said the young nymph, «Does that mean we’re going to do it three times?» «No», said the old man, «It means you can take your pick.»...
40. A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and auntA young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer. One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man was drinking an extremely large glass of milk. The young man said «I took the liberty of milking your cow this morning!» He then continues ... Читать далее...