A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill

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1. The modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie The modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, “If you can read this you’re too damn close” embroidered on her panties and bra. “Yes Madame,” said the clerk. “I’m quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?” “Braille,” she replied....
2. A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, […]...
3. The Director of the Scottish Tartans Museum The Director of the Scottish Tartans Museum, Dr Michael MacDonald was in America. An old lady fixed her gaze on his 17th Century sporran and asked, “What, exactly, do you keep in your scrotum?”...
4. Перевод слова kiss Kiss – поцелуй Перевод слова Deep kiss – глубокий поцелуй, французский поцелуй to kiss the hare’s foot – поцеловать порог, опоздать to throw a kiss – послать воздушный поцелуй Give us a Kiss. Поцелуй меня. She Kissed him goodnight. Она поцеловала его на ночь. Kiss my ass! Поцелуй меня в задницу! Интересные факты KISS – […]...
5. Значение идиомы kiss someone [kiss someone] or [something goodbye] {v. phr.} To lose or give upsomeone or something forever. “If you won’t marry Jane,” Peter saidto Tom, “you might as well kiss her goodbye.” People who bet on alosing horse at the races might as well kiss their money goodbye....
6. Пословица / поговорка a penny saved is a penny earned / a penny saved is a penny gained – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: a penny saved is a penny earned / a penny saved is a penny gained Перевод: не истратил пенни – значит, заработал Пример: A penny saved is a penny earned and it is just as important to be careful spending money as it is to earn money. Не истратить пенни почти то […]...
7. Silly superstition “Say, how old are you anyway?” the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing. “Thirteen.” she replied with a shy smile. “Thirteen??? My God girl!!! You get those clothes back on at once and get the hell outta here! Are you crazy?” he thundered. Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the […]...
8. Two Texan are sitting in a small town bar Two Texan are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other: “You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister.” “Well,” his buddy replied, “between you and me we got ’em all.”...
9. A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night. He glanced across the room and noticed a very attractive woman with just one flaw, she had a very large nose. He was very self concious about his eye but got up the nerve to ask her for a dance. “Would you […]...
10. Being a Divorced Parent Oscar: How are you adjusting to being a Single parent? Penny: It hasn’t been easy, but Paul and I are trying to be as Civil as possible. We worked out Joint custody so that Mina will get Quality time with both of us. Still, it’s been an Adjustment for her. Oscar: I’m sure, and for […]...
11. There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death’s door, and said to her papal neighbour. ‘Father, surely you can do something about this…’ To which the Pope replied, […]...
12. Перевод слова mood Mood – настроение Перевод слова To wake up in a bla mood – проснуться в плохом настроении a buoyant mood – жизнерадостное расположение духа to lighten one’s mood – улучшать настроение Why had her Mood changed so dramatically? Почему ее настроение изменилось так резко? My boyfriend is still in a Mood. Мой парень все еще […]...
13. A couple of geezers were sitting A couple of geezers were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home, having a little chat. “How are you, Tom?” asked Marvin. “I’m not feeling well today – utterly exhausted,” Tom replied. “I pulled a muscle and it’s killing me.” “That pulled muscle shouldn’t make you so tired, though.” “Well, it does if you […]...
14. An old man and an old woman were sitting An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said,”You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked.” The woman said, “Why don’t we try that again?” So they stripped and sat down at the table again. […]...
15. Значение идиомы pinch pennies [pinch pennies] {v. phr.}, {informal} Not spend a penny more thannecessary; be very saving or thrifty. When Tom and Mary were savingmoney to buy a house, they had to pinch pennies. – [penny-pincher]{n.}, {informal} A stingy or selfish person; miser. He spent solittle money that he began to get the name of a penny-pincher. -[penny-pinching] […]...
16. Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, “Boy, business sucks. If I don’t sell more cars this month, I’m going to lose my fucking arse.” Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away. Immediately, he apologized for his bad language. “That’s okay,” the blonde replied, “If […]...
17. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her […]...
18. Значение идиомы turn an honest penny [turn an honest penny] {v. phr.} To realize a good profit. Tomturned an honest penny in the soybean trading business. Compare:PRETTY PENNY....
19. Three guys were sitting in a bar talking Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; “You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the […]...
20. A local United Way office realized that A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like […]...
21. Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, “Whatcha doin’ Daddy?” Johnny’s dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. “Oh, I’m just […]...
22. Three calamities Three guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second […]...
23. Перевод идиомы at one sitting / in one sitting, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: at one sitting / in one sitting Перевод: за один раз, в один присест Пример: We finished the food at one sitting. Мы все съели в один присест....
24. Paying bills Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard, ” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his […]...
25. A man and a woman are sitting next to each other A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. “My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,” she said. “What a coincidence! My wife just left me,” said the man, “she […]...
26. Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money”, he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, “Hey, watch it – I’m a United States Congressman!” “In that case,” replied the mugger, “give me MY money.”...
27. Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern. To Mike Callahan, the barkeep, Shandy said “Mike, I’ll be havin’ three whiskeys.” Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. “Now, Timothy, it’s not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It’s celebratin’, you are. “Ahh, ye know me […]...
28. Перевод идиомы penny pincher, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: penny pincher Идиома: penny pincher разг. Перевод: крохобор, скряга Пример: The man is a penny pincher and will never spend any money. Этот человек – скряга, и он никогда не потратит ни на что денег....
29. Kiss meyeah! “Kiss me,” said the young lady urgently. “Please kiss me.” But the young man turned his head away, saying, “Of course not. How can I? I’m your own brother-in-law. Hell, we shouldn’t even be lying here making love.”...
30. A group of Americans was touring Ireland A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It’s too hot. It’s too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. “Good luck will be followin’ […]...
31. Значение идиомы pretty penny [pretty penny] {n. phr.} A large amount of money. Their newhouse is so big and modern that we’re sure it must have cost them apretty penny....
32. Значение идиомы over the hill [over the hill] {adj.}, {informal} Past one’s prime; unable tofunction as one used to; senile. Poor Mr. Jones is sure not like heused to be; well, he’s over the hill....
33. Перевод слова hill Hill – возвышение, холм Перевод слова Hill country – холмистая местность a chain of hills – цепь холмов the slope of a hill – склон холма The house stood on a Hill. Дом стоял на холме. The child rolled down the Hill. Ребенок скатился с горы. The Hill commands a good view. С холма открывается […]...
34. A talking Frog A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back […]...
35. Значение идиомы boot hill [boot hill] {n.} A cemetery in the old Wild West where cowboys and cops and robbers used to be buried with their boots on. Hence, jokingly, any cemetery. Good old Joe, the cowboy, is resting comfortably in the nearby boot hill....
36. A necessary condition There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, “Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy? Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, “No, I don’t really want to make the sound of a frog now.” So, the second little boy comes out and […]...
37. Two Kentucky hillbillies happened to meet in town Two Kentucky hillbillies happened to meet in town. “How’re thangs with y’all, Pete?” one asked. “Not bad atall,” Pete replied. “My old woman ain’t talkin’ to me thiseyer week…and I ain’t in no mood to interrupt her.”...
38. An extremely loyal fan There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself “what a waste” he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, “Is […]...
39. Leprechaun Jokes Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total”, says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, “I am a fisherman, my Dad’s […]...
40. Перевод идиомы bring someone to hill, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: bring someone to hill Перевод: заставить кого-либо подчиниться, повиноваться Пример: The new supervisor quickly brought the employees to heel. Новый надсмотрщик быстро заставил служащих ему повиноваться....