Talking About Attractive Men and Women

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1. Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinksThree women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, ... Читать далее...
2. Three Irish women were discussing their respective matesCould this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. «I call my man ‘Eight,’ » said the first woman, «Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.» The second woman said in response, «I call my ... Читать далее...
3. Understanding Men and WomenLucy: Jeff, Here’s a question. I was Just talking to Dawn. You know, they had their first Wedding anniversary last week. Guess what her husband gave her as a present. Jeff: I don’t know. What? Lucy: He gave her a Vacuum cleaner. Jeff: Didn’t she want a vacuum cleaner? Lucy: Yes, the old one was ... Читать далее...
4. Three guys are discussing womenThree guys are discussing women. «I like to watch a woman’s tits best,» the first guy says. The second says «I like to look at a woman’s ass.» He asks the third guy «What about you?». «Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.»...
5. Women’s instructionsWOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man — unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So ... Читать далее...
6. Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their busTwo old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, «You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’. The other woman turned to her and said «I know! I ... Читать далее...
7. A rather attractive woman goes up to the barA rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. ... Читать далее...
8. Try to explain womenA man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. «Sure,» GOD says, «Go right ahead». «OK,» the man says. «Why did you make women so pretty?» GOD says, «So you would like them.» «OK,» the guy says. «But how come you ... Читать далее...
9. Maintaining Internet PrivacyLorenzo: I wouldn’t Post all of those photos on Social media sites. Pamela: Why not? Only my friends and family are going to see them. Lorenzo: I wouldn’t be so sure. And I wouldn’t post all of that Personal data either or Divulge personal information. You don’t know who may Gain access to your page. ... Читать далее...
10. A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely womenA fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women who in a short time were fighting over his attentions. They held a meeting to resolve the problem and decided that each would have his services on a different day of the week, with Sundays off for him. In due time the guy was dragging himself through ... Читать далее...
11. Топик «International Women’s Day (8 March) / Международный Женский День (8 Марта)»Словарь A present [ˈprez(ə)nt] — подарок To congratulate [kənˈɡrætjʊleɪt] — праздновать To wash up — мыть посуду To celebrate [ˈselɪbreɪt] — праздновать Almost [ˈɔːlməʊst] — почти Lay the table [leɪ ðə ˈteɪb(ə)l] — накрывать на стол The 8th of March is a great official holiday for all women. It began in 1909 by women in ... Читать далее...
12. An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old ladyAn attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. «We have come for an examination,» said the young girl. «Alright,» said the doctor. «Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.» «No, not me,» said the girl. «it’s my old aunt here.» «Very well,» said the doctor. «Madam, stick ... Читать далее...
13. Education for womenContinuing Education Courses for Women Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits. Parties: Going Without New Outfits. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too. Bathroom Etiquette II: His ... Читать далее...
14. Formatting TextChad: Okay, this report is finally finished. Pamela: Oh, not quite. I’m still working on the Formatting. Chad: We used the Standard formatting for this type of report. I don’t think we should play around with the Text. Pamela: Standard is boring. I want our report to be special. I’m putting a nice Border on ... Читать далее...
15. I’ve never understood why women love catsI’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, ... Читать далее...
16. Подборка выражений со словами Mouth и Tongue1. Me and my big mouth! — Язык без костей! (дословно: я и мой большой рот) Используется в случае, когда вы случайно рассказали чей-то секрет, что-то, что не следовало говорить. 2. to be born with a silver spoon in your mouth — родиться с серебряной ложкой во рту Это выражение означает, что кто-либо родился в ... Читать далее...
17. Driving While Calling and TextingPamela: [laughs] Did you see this Tweet from Sarah? She’s so funny. Josh: Hold on. I’m Texting Lance. I want to make sure he knows where we’re Meeting up. Pamela: [cell phone rings] Hello. Oh, hi Lance. Did you get Josh’s text? You didn’t? Let me IM you, bye. Josh: I wonder why Lance didn’t ... Читать далее...
18. Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blondeThree women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: » OOOOOhhh that looks like semen.» She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says «It feels like ... Читать далее...
19. An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remoteAn attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes ... Читать далее...
20. Women — ЖенщиныFat women with flabby, double chins. Moon-faced, pop-eyed women in little flat hats. Women with starchy faces and thin vermilion lips. Man-shy, suspicious women, shrinking into their clothes every time a wet, caressing eye alights upon them. Women soured and robbed of their souls by Christian Endeavour. Women who would probably be members of Conference ... Читать далее...
21. Role of Women in SocietyТопик Роль женщины в обществе рассказывает о существующей проблеме в российском обществе: месте и роли современной женщины в сегодняшнем мире технологий и прогресса. По данным ООН проблема положения и роли женщины в обществе стоит на втором месте для разрешения после эколого-экономических глобальных вопросов и проблем современности. Сегодняшняя женщина независима во всех сферах жизни, и она ... Читать далее...
22. At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 womenAt a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women: Defendant: «Your Honor, I wish to change my plea.» Judge: «Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?» Defendant: «No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn’t know there would be women on the jury. Since ... Читать далее...
23. Cleverest women are the heaviest drinkersThose with degrees are almost twice as likely to drink daily, and they are also more likely to admit to having a drinking problem. A similar link between educational attainment and alcohol consumption is seen among men, but the correlation is less strong. The findings come from a comprehensive study carried out at the London ... Читать далее...
24. Insulting to womenThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Bangkok, Thailand A member of the ruling junta who oversees Thai Airways International has ordered the carrier to hire more-attractive stewardesses. «We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод слова attractiveAttractive — привлекательный, очаровательный Перевод слова Attractive smile — очаровательная улыбка attractive package — привлекательная упаковка attractive girl — очаровательная девушка sexually attractive — соблазнительный I must say, it’s a very Attractive offer. Я должен сказать, это очень привлекательное предложение. Women seem to find him Attractive. Женщины находят его привлекательным. Происхождение слова attractive Образовано от ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы mouth[mouth] See: BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN ONE’S MOUTH, BUTTERWOULDN’T MELT IN ONE’S MOUTH, BY WORD OF MOUTH, DOWN IN THE DUMPS orDOWN IN THE MOUTH, FOAM AT THE MOUTH, HEART IN ONE’S MOUTH, KEEP ONE’SMOUTH SHUT, LAUGH ON THE WRONG SIDE OF ONE’S MOUTH, LEAVE A BAD TASTEIN ONE’S MOUTH, LIVE FROM HAND ... Читать далее...
27. Women’s translationsWOMEN’S LANGUAGE TRANSLATED Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry. We need… = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want… = You’ll pay for this later. We need to talk… = I need to complain Sure…go ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод слова tongueTongue — язык, речь, болтать Перевод слова Causticity of his tongue — язвительность его языка the frog’s tongue — язычок лягушки ready tongue — хорошо подвешенный язык His Tongue is too long for his teeth. У него слишком длинный язык. He has a ready Tongue. Он за словом в карман не полезет. I knew him ... Читать далее...
29. The room was full of pregnant women and their partnersThe room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. «Ladies, exercise is good for you,» announced the teacher. «Walking is especially ... Читать далее...
30. Nervous at an Interview II was On my way to an interview and there was a lot of Traffic on the road. I got to the office In the nick of time For my appointment. I walked into the Lobby of the building and looked at the Directory. I saw that Casey Enterprises was on the Penthouse floor and ... Читать далее...
31. The office playboy had a date with an attractive young womanThe office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day someone asked him how things had gone. «She uses too many four-letter words for me,» was the reply. «Really?» «Yes,» answered the playboy. «All evening long she was saying «don’t» and «stop» and «quit that.»...
32. How To Give Your Cat a Pill1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbows, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, «That’s a nice kitty.» Drop pill into its mouth. 2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa. 3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold ... Читать далее...
33. A talking FrogA man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, «If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.» He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, «If you kiss me and turn me back ... Читать далее...
34. Finding Other SinglesI was tired of being Single. All of my friends had Paired up and I was Left hanging. Like everybody else these days, I tried using the Internet to find other singles, but I never had any luck. Cruising for my ideal woman among a bunch of Lonely hearts is like looking for a Needle ... Читать далее...
35. A recently divorced woman is walking along the beachA recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the ... Читать далее...
36. Nervous at an Interview III was Just in time for my interview and I was very nervous. I walked up to the Receptionist. She was talking into a Headset and typing on her keyboard. David: Good morning. I’m David Laso. I have an appointment with Dale Mendoza at 10 o’clock. Could you please let her know that I’m here? ... Читать далее...
37. Alcohol vs WomenA guy says, «I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.» «Yeah what happened?» asked the other. The first guy replies, «Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.»...
38. Значение идиомы take the words out of one’s mouth[take the words out of one’s mouth] {v. phr.} To say what anotheris just going to say; to put another’s thought into words. «Let’sgo to the beach tomorrow.» «You took the words right out of my mouth;I was thinking of that.» I was going to suggest a movie, but shetook the words out of my ... Читать далее...
39. A substitute for womenA guy says, «I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.» «Yeah what happened?» asked his friend. The first guy replies, «Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.»...
40. 3 pregnant women were waiting3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor’s waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies. Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one… «What was that?», the other two ask, curiously. «Calcium tablet. Good ... Читать далее...