Главная ⇒ 📌Jokes ⇒ Steven Wright on dogs

Steven Wright on dogs

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he’s gone.

I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

I bought a dog the other day… I named him Stay. It’s fun to call him… «Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!» He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He’s an East German Shepherd.



Перевод на английский полезная пища.
Shopping has common elements wherever.

Related topics:

  1. Перевод слова contactContact — контакт, связь Перевод слова Out of contact — не имея никакой связи to come into contact with opposing opinions — столкнуться с противоположными мнениями contact lenses — контактные линзы We stay in Contact by email. Мы остаемся на связи с помощью электронной почты. I have lost Contact with them. Я потерял с ними ... Читать далее...
  2. Dogs and Light BulbsHow many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. Then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh? Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp! Malamute: Let the ... Читать далее...
  3. Ghost sexAt a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, «Who here has ever seen a ghost?» Most of the hands go up. «And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?» About half the hands stay up. «OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with ... Читать далее...
  4. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATSTHE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with ... Читать далее...
  5. Значение идиомы on the spot[on the spot] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. or [upon the spot] At thatexact time and at the same time or place; without waiting or leaving. The news of important events is often broadcast on the spot overtelevision. When Tom ruined an expensive machine, his boss firedhim on the spot. Compare: AT ONCE, IN ONE’S ... Читать далее...
  6. Значение идиомы afraid of one’s shadow[afraid of one’s shadow] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Scared of small or imaginary things; very easily frightened; jumpy; nervous. Mrs. Smith won’t stay alone in her house at night; she is afraid of her own shadow. Johnny cries whenever he must say hello to an adult; he is afraid of his own shadow....
  7. Перевод слова afraidAfraid — испуганный, боящийся Перевод слова To be afraid of smth. — бояться чего-л. to make afraid — пугать to be half afraid — опасаться Don’t be Afraid to ask for help. Не бойтесь просить о помощи. I’m Afraid you’re wrong. Я боюсь, что вы неправы. I’m Afraid I’ve overdone the vegetables. Кажется, я переварил ... Читать далее...
  8. Значение идиомы be even-Steven[be even-Steven] {v. phr.} To be in a position of owing no favors or debt to someone. Yesterday you paid for my lunch, so today I paid for yours; now we’re even-Steven....
  9. Steven Spielberg: Movie WizardHe seems to be the all-power wizard and a cinematic magician for us. His films make us scream with laughter or shiver with horror. The son of a computer scientist and a gifted pianist, Spielberg spent his early childhood in New Jersey and, later, in Arizona. He was eleven when he first got his dad’s ... Читать далее...
  10. Nine things Dogs don’t Understand1. It’s not a laugh to practice barking at 3a. m. 2. It’s wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her. 3. He shouldn’t jump on your bed when he’s sopping wet. 4. The cats have every right to be in the living room. 5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive ... Читать далее...
  11. Chemistry song 11Chemistry Wonderland Gases explode, are you listenin’ In your rest tube, silver glistens A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight Walking in a chemistry wonderland. Gone away, is the buoyancy Here to stay, is the density A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight Walking in a chemistry wonderland. In the beaker we will make lead carbonate and ... Читать далее...
  12. A girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet themA girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them. «What’s your name?» she asks the first. To her surprise, the dog answers «My name’s Huey and I’m having a great day going in and out of puddles.» She goes up to the second dog and asks «What’s your name?» The ... Читать далее...
  13. Problems from the startJohn got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. «I’ll be ready in a few minutes,» she said. «Why don’t you play with Spot, my dog, while you’re waiting?» He does wonderful tricks. He ... Читать далее...
  14. One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lostOne day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle, killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly a ... Читать далее...
  15. Значение идиомы hit the spot[hit the spot] {v. phr.}, {informal} To refresh fully or satisfyyou; bring back your spirits or strength. — Used especially of food ordrink. A cup of tea always hits the spot when you are tired. Mother’s apple pie always hits the spot with the boys....
  16. Значение идиомы cry over spilled milk[cry over spilled milk] or [cry over spilt milk] {v. phr.}, {informal} To cry or complain about something that has already happened; be unhappy about something that cannot be helped. After the baby tore up Sue’s picture book, Sue’s mother told her there was no use crying over spilled milk. You have lost the game ... Читать далее...
  17. 9/11 Rescue Dogs Serve As Tools, CompanionsFour Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) dogs based out of Beverly were among the first to arrive at the World Trade Center hours after the Sept. 11 attacks. Moxie was 3 years old at the time, freshly certified as an Urban Search and Rescue dog. It was the first assignment for the chocolate Lab and ... Читать далее...
  18. Значение идиомы Johnny-on-the-spot[Johnny-on-the-spot] {adj. phr.} At the right place when needed;present and ready to help; very prompt; on time. A good waterboy isalways Johnny-on-the-spot. The firemen were Johnny-on-the-spot andput out the fire in the house soon after it started. Compare: ON THEJOB....
  19. Значение идиомы blind spot[blind spot] {n.} 1. A place on the road that a driver cannot see in the rear view mirror. I couldn’t see that truck behind me, Officer, because it was in my blind spot. 2. A matter or topic a person refuses to discuss or accept. My uncle Ted has a real blind spot about ... Читать далее...
  20. Значение идиомы walking papers[walking papers] or [walking orders] also [walking ticket] {n.},{informal} A statement that you are fired from your job; dismissal. The boss was not satisfied with Paul’s work and gave him his walkingpapers. George is out of work. He picked up his walking ticketlast Friday....
  21. A truck driver breaks down andA truck driver breaks down and shortly another trucker stops to give him hand. He notices that the first driver has a big red spot painted on his dash and asks him what it’s for. He replies «Oh that’s a conversation piece for when I pick up female hitchhikers. I get lots of pussy that ... Читать далее...
  22. Перевод слова spotSpot — пятно, позор; пачкать, позорить Перевод слова Sun spots — пятна на Солнце without a spot on his reputation — с незапятнанной репутацией table spotted with ink — стол, закапанный чернилами plague spot of sin and imperfection — клеймо греха и несовершенства You have a Spot on your tie. У вас пятно на галстуке. ... Читать далее...
  23. Значение идиомы go to the dogs[go to the dogs] {v. phr.}, {informal} To go to ruin; to be ruinedor destroyed. The man went to the dogs after he started drinking. After the death of the owner, the business went to the dogs. The team went to the dogs when its best players got hurt. Compare:GO TO POT....
  24. Перевод идиомы in a tight spot / in a tough spot, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: in a tight spot / in a tough spot Перевод: в трудном положении, ситуации Пример: The man was in a tight spot after he lost his job. Мужчина находился в трудном положении, когда потерял работу....
  25. Пословица / поговорка no use crying over spilt milk / no use crying over spilled milk — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: no use crying over spilt milk / no use crying over spilled milk Перевод: слезами горю не поможешь Эквивалент в русском языке: потерянного не воротишь; что с возу упало, то пропало Пример: There is no use crying over spilled milk and we should not worry about what happened in the past. Слезами ... Читать далее...
  26. Значение идиомы let sleeping dogs lie[let sleeping dogs lie] Do not make angry and causetrouble or danger; do not make trouble if you do not have to. — Aproverb. Don’t tell Father that you broke the window. Let sleepingdogs lie....
  27. Значение идиомы rain cats and dogs[rain cats and dogs] or [rain buckets] or [rain pitchforks] {v. phr.}, {informal} To rain very hard; come down in torrents. In themiddle of the picnic it started to rain cats and dogs, and everybodygot soaked. Terry looked out of the window and said, «It’s rainingpitchforks, so we can’t go out to play right now.»...
  28. A college professor’s going to bed with his wifeA college professor’s going to bed with his wife. He’s not that tired, so he’s gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So he’s reading, and every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun spot… «Kitza kitza…» She says, «Will you stop that! Will you stop ... Читать далее...
  29. Перевод идиомы go to the dogs, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: go to the dogs Перевод: ухудшаться, становиться хуже Пример: Many things in our city have gone to the dogs during the last ten years. За последние десять лет многое в нашем городе стало хуже....
  30. Перевод сленгового выражения hit the spot, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: hit the spot Перевод: фраза, означающая «это было просто отлично», или «это было как раз тем, что мне нужно» Пример: Mmmm — that cup of coffee really hit the spot! Мммм… эта чашка кофе была просто превосходной! I needed a good laugh, and that slang cartoon really hit the spot. Мне хотелось хорошо ... Читать далее...
  31. Пословица / поговорка let sleeping dogs lie — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: let sleeping dogs lie Перевод: спящего пса не буди Эквивалент в русском языке: не буди лиха, пока лихо спит Пример: «You should let sleeping dogs lie and not ask your friend for the money that he owes you.» Не стоит будить спящего пса, и не нужно просить у своего друга денег, которые ... Читать далее...
  32. Friends Don’t Let Friends Walk Through Revolving Doors AloneWhat it says about your friendship when you find yourself squished into a revolving-door with a companion. «Great works are often born on the street-corner or in a restaurant’s revolving door,» said Albert Camus, and a recent study shows that he was on to something. The revolving door is not just the accidental setting for ... Читать далее...
  33. Перевод слова stayStay — оставаться, останавливаться, медлить Перевод слова To stay in bed — лежать в постели, болеть to stay with friends — гостить у друзей to stay the rise of prices — приостановить рост цен Stay where you are. Оставайся там, где находишься. Can you Stay late? Вы можете задержаться? Stay for as long as you ... Читать далее...
  34. Перевод идиомы rain cats and dogs, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: rain cats and dogs Перевод: льет, как из ведра (о дожде) Пример: It has been raining cats and dogs all morning. Все утро дождь льет, как из ведра....
  35. Перевод идиомы on the spot, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: on the spot Перевод: 1. тотчас же, сразу, на месте, не откладывая; 2. в затруднительном или неловком положении, в тяжелом положении Пример: It’s noon, and I’m glad you’re all here on the spot. Now we can begin. Сейчас полдень, и я рад, что вы все на месте. Теперь мы можем начинать. The man was ... Читать далее...
  36. Значение идиомы walking encyclopedia[walking encyclopedia] {n. phr.} A polymath; a person very wellversed in a number of different disciplines. My uncle is averitable walking encyclopedia when it comes to the history of WorldWar II. Contrast: WALKING DICTIONARY....
  37. Значение идиомы stay put[stay put] {v. phr.} To stay in place; not leave. Harry’s fathertold him to stay put until he came back. The rocks can be glued tothe bulletin board to make them stay put. After Grandmother camehome from her trip to visit Aunt May, she said she wanted to stay putfor a while....
  38. Reading Online ReviewsMarisa: When we go to our favorite vacation Spot in two months, let’s stay at a different hotel. Oscar: I like the hotel we always stay at. It’s in a Convenient location and we’re already familiar with it. Marisa: That’s just it. It’s Tried and true, but there’s no Novelty and excitement in staying in ... Читать далее...
  39. An eight year old boy is walking down the road one dayAn eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. «If you get in the car,» the driver says, «I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.» The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an ... Читать далее...
  40. Borrow a sewing machine? Sacramento Public Library to start loaning more than booksSacramento Public Library patrons will soon be able to check out a variety of tools, technology and home appliances through a «Library of Things» program. Have you ever had the urge to play around with a music synthesizer or take a GoPro camera on an adventure, but didn’t want to own one? It may soon ... Читать далее...

Steven Wright on dogs