Q & A Iraqi War Jokes

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1. Iraqi vs. AmericanAverage Iraqi Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors Average American Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme park Average Iraqi Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation Average American Willing to participate in People’s Choice ... Читать далее...
2. Iraqi TV GuideMONDAY 8:00 Husseinfeld 8:30 Mad About Everything 9:00 Suddenly Sanctions 9:30 Allah McBeal TUESDAY 8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror 8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right 9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things 9:30 Iraq’s Funniest Public Execution Bloopers WEDNESDAY 8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer 8:30 Diagnosis: ... Читать далее...
3. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells himSaddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, «Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.» «What did it say on the banners?» Clinton asks. Saddam replies, «Allah is god, god is Allah.» Clinton says, «You know, Saddam, I ... Читать далее...
4. Pessimist and a dogAn avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to ... Читать далее...
5. KuwaitThe middle Eastern nation of Kuwait is the second most prosperous country in the world. It is the area’s third-largest producer of oil, surpassed only by Saudi Arabia and Iran. Kuwait has given and loaned billions of dollars to poorer Arab states, has invested billions in the United States and other industrial countries and purchased ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова superioritySuperiority — превосходство Перевод слова Military superiority — военное превосходство air superiority — превосходство в воздухе to assume the air of superiority — принять высокомерный вид His Superiority has woken an ambition in me. Его превосходство разбудило во мне честолюбивые настроения. Horace challenges Superiority above all the poets. Гораций превосходит всех поэтов. With the assistance ... Читать далее...
7. Humor relating to IraqThe problem with the Iraqi army is that they were using Russian defense tactics: 1. Engage the enemy. 2. Draw him into your territory. 3. Wait until winter sets in. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
8. You tell me!A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to «enforce the laws pending.» He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, «Looks like you’ve had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?» The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden ... Читать далее...
9. Clean Humor about the IrishIt seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: «Lads, I’m here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, ... Читать далее...
10. Jokes of science 02The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist’s office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. «Hmmm,» says the theorist, «That’s exactly where you’d expect to see that peak. Here’s the reason (long logical explanation follows).» In the middle of it, the experimentalist says «Wait a minute», studies the chart for a second, and ... Читать далее...
11. A Duck walks into a barA Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread? Barman: No, sorry, we don’t have any bread [After a few minutes] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: Look, we don’t have any bread [In a little while] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: We don’t have any F*****g bread! [Some time later] Duck: ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова duckDuck — утка; душка, прелесть; уходить, уклоняться Перевод слова To shoot ducks — стрелять уток she is a perfect duck — она просто прелесть to duck the issue — обойти проблему You can’t Duck out now, you made a solemn promise. Ты не можешь теперь уклониться, ты клятвенно пообещал. It’s unlawful to try to Duck ... Читать далее...
13. Cock fightsHow can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight? He enters a duck. How can you tell if a Pole is present? He bets money on the duck. How can you tell if an Italian is present? The duck wins....
14. I have a magical dancing duckA circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they ... Читать далее...
15. A dancing duckA circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin’ and dealin’ they ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова shoutShout — кричать, звать, громкий крик Перевод слова Shouts of despair — вопли отчаяния to shout with delight — визжать от восторга to shout approval — шумно высказывать свое одобрение to shout for help — звать на помощь Do not Shout at me. Не кричи на меня. Mother Shouted for the children. Мама громко позвала ... Читать далее...
17. Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a specialSaddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become furious. He called the chief ... Читать далее...
18. Chicago JokesA man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there. When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary ... Читать далее...
19. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
20. Florida JokesDumb Florida Laws Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова birdBird — птица Перевод слова Land bird — наземная птица migratory bird — перелетная птица bird life — жизнь птиц The Bird spread its wings. Птица расправила крылья. The Bird landed in a tree. Птица села на дерево. He is a cagey old Bird. Он — стреляный воробей. Примеры из жизни Angry Birds («злые птицы») ... Читать далее...
22. Purchasing a New BirdAfter many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы stake a claim[stake a claim] {v. phr.} 1. To claim ownership of land by drivingstakes to show boundaries. The gold hunters staked claims in theWest. 2. {informal} To claim a person or thing as your own by somesign. Usually used with «on». George staked a claim on Dianne bygiving her his class ring....
24. Значение идиомы duck soup[duck soup] {n.}, {slang} 1. A task easily accomplished or one that does not require much effort. That history test was duck soup. 2. A person who offers no resistance; a pushover. How’s the new history teacher? — He’s duck soup....
25. Значение идиомы bingo card[bingo card] {n.}, {slang} A response card, bound into a periodical, containing numbers keyed to editorial or advertising matter, giving the reader the opportunity to send for further information by marking the numbers of the items he is interested in; such a card can be mailed free of charge. Jack thinks he is saving time ... Читать далее...
26. German JokesQ: How does a German eat mussels A: *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* … AUFMACHEN!!! — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — Q: What’s ... Читать далее...
27. Business one-liners 01A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country. A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense. A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work. A bird in the bush usually ... Читать далее...
28. Instrument Flying guide for Animal LoversHaving detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the «Cat and Duck Method» of instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to have a ... Читать далее...
29. Значение идиомы like water off a duck’s back[like water off a duck’s back] {adv. phr.}, {informal} Withoutchanging your feelings or opinion; without effect. Advice andcorrection roll off him like water off a duck’s back. Many peopleshowed him they didn’t like what he was doing, but their disapprovalpassed off him like water off a duck’s back....
30. A pollster was taking opinions outside the United NationsA pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York City. He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a resident New Yorker. He asked, «Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?» The Saudi replied, ... Читать далее...
31. A duck in the shopA duck walks into a shop and asks the manager: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegetables? -No. We have only dry goods. The next day the duck returns: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegatables? -No. I told you yesterday, we have only dry goods. If you come back tomorrow ... Читать далее...
32. Значение идиомы claim check[claim check] {n.} A ticket needed to get back something. The man at the parking lot gave Mrs. Collins a claim check. The boy put the dry cleaning claim check in his billfold. The man told Mary the pictures would be ready Friday and gave her a claim check....
33. Значение идиомы break the ice[break the ice] {v. phr.}, {informal} 1. To conquer the first difficulties in starting a conversation, getting a party going, or making an acquaintance. To break the ice Ted spoke of his interest in mountain climbing, and they soon had a conversation going. Some people use an unusual thing, such as an unusual piece of ... Читать далее...
34. A duck walks into a general storeA duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,»Got any fresh fruit?» «No.» «Got any fresh vegetables?» «No. We have only canned and dry goods.» The next day, the duck returns. «Got any fresh fruit?» «No.» «Got any fresh vegetables?» «No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы duck out[duck out] {v. phr.} To avoid; escape from something by skillful maneuvering. Somehow or other Jack always manages to duck out of any hard work....
36. You might be a redneck if 07You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill. You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap. The best way to keep things cold is to leave’em in the shade. You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights. ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова claimClaim — требовать, заявлять, утверждать Перевод слова Territorial claims — территориальные претензии to claim the inheritance — заявить права на наследство to counter a claim — опровергать утверждение He Claimed that he’d been cheated. Он заявил, что его одурачили. All Claims must be made in writing. Все претензии должны быть сделаны в письменной форме. The ... Читать далее...
38. A woman was thinking about finding a petA woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы dead duck[dead duck] {n.}, {slang} A person or thing in a hopeless situation or condition; one to whom something bad is sure to happen. When the pianist broke her arm, she was a dead duck....
40. Значение идиомы eat like a bird[eat like a bird] {v. phr.} To eat very little; have littleappetite. Mrs. Benson is on a diet and she eats like a bird. Alice’s mother is worried about her; she eats like a bird and is verythin. Contrast: EAT LIKE A HORSE....