Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special

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1. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, “Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.” “What did it say on the banners?” Clinton asks. Saddam replies, “Allah is god, god is Allah.” Clinton says, “You know, Saddam, I […]...
2. Перевод слова investigate Investigate – расследовать, исследовать Перевод слова To investigate a crime – расследовать преступление investigate more closely – изучать более тщательно investigate discrepancies – исследовать разногласия The police are still Investigating the murder. Полиция все еще расследует убийство. Let’s Investigate the syntax of Chinese Давайте изучим синтаксис китайского языка. Their object is to Investigate the matter […]...
3. Перевод слова furious Furious – взбешенный, яростный, неистовый Перевод слова Furious animal – разъяренный зверь to be furious – быть в ярости furious wind – неистовый ветер She was absolutely Furious. Она была просто в ярости. Their Furious desire of revenge must be satiated. Их яростное желание мести должно быть удовлетворено. The statement brought him into a state […]...
4. Перевод слова post-office Post-office – почта, почтовое отделение Перевод слова Post office official – почтовый чиновник post-office receipt – почтовая квитанция post-office box – абонементный почтовый ящик post office coach – почтовый вагон date of a post-office stamp – дата почтового штемпеля It was an old Post-office where clerks candled the letters. Это была почта старого образца, где […]...
5. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do […]...
6. At the Post-Office В топике На почте рассказывается, для каких целей существуют почтовые отделения. Вы узнаете, как нужно оформить посылку и как отправить письмо. If you want to buy stamps, postcards, envelopes, to send a telegram or money order, to subscribe to newspapers or magazines, you have to go to the post-office. At some post-offices there is a […]...
7. Перевод слова stamp Stamp – печать, штамп, марка Перевод слова Stamp album – альбом для марок, кляссер stamp collector – коллекционер, собирающий марки stamp on a document – штамп (штемпель, печать) на документе He put his Stamp on the envelope Он поставил свою печать на конверте. That episode was Stamped on my memory. Тот случай запечатлелся в моей […]...
8. Investigating a Terrible Accident There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, […]...
9. Solve Indian puzzles An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made […]...
10. After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. “Don’t worry,” he said, “Just take this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow.” So he went home feeling […]...
11. Humor relating to Iraq The problem with the Iraqi army is that they were using Russian defense tactics: 1. Engage the enemy. 2. Draw him into your territory. 3. Wait until winter sets in. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
12. Charlie Sheen Once Bought 2,600+ Outfield Seats At An Angels’ Game Because He Wanted To Catch A Home Run Ball Charlie Sheen has been making a bit of news this week with outlandish comments on TV and radio appearances, but his bizarre behavior is nothing new. In 1996, Sports Illustrated included a blurb in its “Scorecard” section that described Sheen’s trip to a California Angels game. Apparently, Sheen was determined to catch a home run […]...
13. Значение идиомы fast and furious [fast and furious] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} Very fast; with much speedand energy. He was mowing the grass at a fast and furious rate. When I last saw her she was driving fast and furious down thestreet. Compare: GREAT GUNS....
14. Перевод слова quality Quality – качество Перевод слова To check a product for quality – проверять качество изделия to clothe with quality – придавать качество competitive quality – конкурентоспособное качество degraded audio quality – плохое качество звука Quality is our watchword. Наш девиз – качество. That was a Quality job you did. Вы выполнили работу качественно. He had […]...
15. A Mistake in the Hotel Bill Hotel clerk: Here’s the Bill for your four-night stay. Would you like the Incidentals charged to your credit card? May: Incidentals? I think there’s some mistake. I didn’t order any Pay-per-view movies and I never ordered room service. And, I didn’t have any Spa services, either. Hotel clerk: Are you sure? We show three movies […]...
16. Insulting to women The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Bangkok, Thailand A member of the ruling junta who oversees Thai Airways International has ordered the carrier to hire more-attractive stewardesses. “We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses […]...
17. Перевод слова chief Chief – руководитель, начальник, вождь; главный, основной Перевод слова Chief editor – главный редактор chief intimate – лучший друг chief supporter – основной сторонник chief reasons – главные причины The Chief wants you. Вас требует начальник. The fire Chief suspects arson. Начальник пожарной охраны подозревает поджог. Safety is our Chief concern. Безопасность – наша главная […]...
18. Значение идиомы check out [check out] {v.} 1a. To pay your hotel bill and leave. The last guests checked out of their rooms in the morning. Contrast: CHECK IN. 1b. {informal} To go away; leave. I hoped our guest would stay but he had to check out before Monday. Compare: CHECK IN. 2a. To make a list or record […]...
19. ‘Chewy 123’: FBI’s most-wanted cybercriminal used cat’s name as password Once the FBI’s most-wanted cybercriminal, Jeremy Hammond is serving one of the longest sentences a US hacker has received – 10 years, the maximum allowed under his plea agreement. But to this day, he’s unsure how agents cracked his Mac’s encryption. Perhaps it was the fact his password was his cat’s name and the numbers […]...
20. Перевод слова secret Secret – секрет, секретный, тайный Перевод слова Secret diplomacy – тайная дипломатия secret decampment – тайное бегство, побег secret fund – секретный фонд The Secret came out. Секрет раскрылся. She had a Secret sorrow. У нее было горе о котором она никому не рассказывала. My Secret will die with me. Моя тайна умрет вместе со […]...
21. Iraqi TV Guide MONDAY 8:00 Husseinfeld 8:30 Mad About Everything 9:00 Suddenly Sanctions 9:30 Allah McBeal TUESDAY 8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror 8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right 9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things 9:30 Iraq’s Funniest Public Execution Bloopers WEDNESDAY 8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer 8:30 Diagnosis: […]...
22. Перевод слова post Post – сообщение, почта Перевод слова By return of post – с обратной почтой by registered post – заказным письмом military post – полевая почта I took the letter to the Post. Я отнес письмо на почту. I’ll send the book to you by Post. Я пошлю тебе эту книгу по почте. The letter came […]...
23. One day there was an indian chief who was constipated One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of his warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says “Big Chief, no shit”. the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chief should be fine tomorrow. The warrior went back to the chief and […]...
24. Q & A Iraqi War Jokes Q: What’s the national bird of Iraq? A: DUCK! – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Q: What’s the fastest way to […]...
25. Trust thy friend The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge. “Was it my friend Sam”, he demanded. “No!” his weeping wife replied. “Was it my friend Jim then?” he asked. “NO!!!” she said […]...
26. Значение идиомы stamp out [stamp out] {v.} To destroy completely and make disappear. Inthe last few years, we have nearly stamped out polio by usingvaccine. The police and judges are trying to stamp out crime. Compare: WIPE OUT....
27. Значение идиомы in secret [in secret] {adv. phr.} In a private or secret way; in a hiddenplace. The miser buried his gold in secret and no one knows whereit is. The robbers went away in secret after dark. Compare: INPRIVATE....
28. The copy machine handout In most offices, the photocopier is out of order every now and then. One copy repairman had answered question after question for the employees. Finally one day, he just smiled and handed them this sheet. The copier is out of order! Yes, we have called the service man. Yes, he will be in today. No, […]...
29. Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have […]...
30. A man was riding in the back of his limousine A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?” he asked the man. “I don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “Oh, please come […]...
31. Three couples wanted to join a church Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the […]...
32. Pillsbury Dough Boy wanted for attempted murder A lady named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her […]...
33. There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a […]...
34. When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no passion.. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.. I […]...
35. Перевод слова service Service – обслуживание, сервис, служба, обслуживать Перевод слова Domestic service – домашняя работа, обязанности слуги the consular service – консульская служба to service a car – обслуживать автомобиль I am glad to be of Service. Рад оказать услугу. He did a year’s military Service. Он отслужил в армии один год. I’m getting the bus home […]...
36. The Master Chief was inspecting the barracks The Master Chief was inspecting the barracks and he overheard one terrified recruit whisper, “Master Chief Barnes has the heart of a tiny child. . . on his desk. . . in a jar.” Without missing a beat, Master Chief Barnes snarled, “Goddamned if they don’t find out EVERY little thing about you!”...
37. Bum in need of food One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?”, he asked one man. “We don’t have any money for food.”, The poor man replied. […]...
38. Bush as a post turtle While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his hand caught in a gate while working his cattle)a doctor and the old man were discussing Bush’s health care reform ideas. The old man said “Well, ya know, old Bush is a post turtle”. So, not knowing what he […]...
39. Значение идиомы check in [check in] {v.} 1a. To sign your name. The last guests to reach the hotel checked in at 12 o’clock. Contrast: CHECK OUT. 1b. {informal} To arrive. The friends we had invited did not check in until Saturday. 2. To receive back and make a record of it. The coach checked in the football uniforms […]...
40. The woman’s secret At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. “No woman,” said one man, scornfully, “can keep a secret.” “I don’t know about that,” huffily answered a woman guest. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.” “You’ll let it out some day,” the […]...