Poetic justice

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1. Перевод слова witnessWitness — свидетель, очевидец Перевод слова To call as witness — вызывать в качестве свидетеля witness custody — взятие под стражу свидетеля to impeach a witness — оспаривать свидетельское показание The defense called only one Witness. Защита вызвала только одного свидетеля. Who Witnessed his signing the documents? Кто видел, как он подписывал эти документы? My ... Читать далее...
2. A young couple got married, and in their familyA young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened…but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between ... Читать далее...
3. Talk to the judgeA judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer’s tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge’s orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, «Counselor, you ... Читать далее...
4. A technical bastardA couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn’t, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, ... Читать далее...
5. A great way to spend eternityA couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love. «How awful!» exclaimed the wife. «Si, but what a great way to ... Читать далее...
6. After their love-making session the young bride asks her husbandAfter their love-making session the young bride asks her husband «Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?» «Yes, she’s dead to!»»Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?» «Yes, she’s dead to!»...
7. A man goes to a psychiatristA man goes to a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatrist suggests they start with a Rorschach Test. He holds up the first picture and asks the man what he sees. «A man and a woman making love in a park,» the man replies. The psychiatrist holds up the second picture and asks the ... Читать далее...
8. A yard saleA man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of ... Читать далее...
9. Joint sentenceA man was taken to court for stealing an item from a store. The man said to the judge, «Your Honor, I’m a Christian. I’ve become a new man. But I have and old nature also. It was not my new man who did wrong. It was my old man.» The judge responded, «Since it ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова tinyTiny — крошечный Перевод слова Tiny parasitic insects — маленькие насекомые-паразиты tiny spark — искорка tiny brook — ручеек tiny tot with yellow hair — малыш с золотистыми волосами The plate had a Tiny chip in the edge. На ободке тарелки была крошечная щербинка. The computer chips were Tiny. Компьютерные микросхемы были крошечные. It was ... Читать далее...
11. Where am I, Cathy?Attorney to witness: «What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?» Witness: «Where am I Cathy?» Attorney: «And why did that upset you?» Witness: «Because my name is Susan.»...
12. Перевод слова honorHonor — слава, почет, честь Перевод слова To honor a request — выполнять просьбу word of honor — слово чести honor camp — амер. лагерь для «почетных заключенных» I pledge my Honor. Клянусь своей честью. «We plead guilty, Your Honor.» «Мы признаем свою вину, Ваша Честь.» I pledge that I will Honor my wife. Я ... Читать далее...
13. Microsoft Addresses Justice Department AccusationsREDMOND, Wash. — Oct. 23, 1997 — In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. «It’s actually a logical extension of our planned growth», said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, ... Читать далее...
14. Taking the final examTwo college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, «Old MacDonald had a ________.» Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But ... Читать далее...
15. Why lawyers should never ask a witness a questionWhy lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer: In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand — a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, «Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?» She responded, «Why, yes I do know ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы in honor of[in honor of] {prep.} As an honor to; for showing respect or thanksto. We celebrate Mother’s Day in honor of our mothers. The citydedicated a monument in honor of the general....
17. Значение идиомы whistle in the dark[whistle in the dark] {v. phr.}, {informal} To try to stay braveand forget your fear. Tom said he could fight the bully with onehand, but we knew that he was just whistling in the dark....
18. Divorce decision«Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,» the divorce court judge said, «and I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week.» «That’s very fair, your honor,» the husband said. «And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.»...
19. Being under oath«You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,» sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. «If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,» replied the witness....
20. At night court, a man was brought in and setAt night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. The judge said, «State your name, occupation, and the charge.» The defendant said, «I’m Sparks, I’m an electrician, charged with battery.» The judge winced and said, «Bailiff! Put this man in a dry cell!»...
21. NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGEIt has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings ... Читать далее...
22. Don’t arrest the judgeA squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, «Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?» «That it is, «Irish ... Читать далее...
23. Two story houseA man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, «Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.» «Because,» the man says,»I live in a two-story house.» The Judge replies, «What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about ... Читать далее...
24. A precise locationAttorney to witness: «And where was the location of the accident?» Witness: «Approximately milepost 499.» Attorney: «And where is milepost 499?» Witness: «About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 500.»...
25. Значение идиомы for fear[for fear] Because of fear. He left an hour early for fear ofmissing his train. She worried for fear that the child would behurt....
26. Husband always insisted on making loveHusband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, «You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?» Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, «I’ll explain the toy, you explain the kids…..»...
27. Перевод слова judgeJudge — судья; судить, оценивать, порицать Перевод слова Presiding judge — председательствующий судья to judge whether Smith is right or wrong — судить, прав Смит или неправ I judged him to be about 50 — мне показалось, что ему около пятидесяти judge not, that ye be not judged — не судите, да не судимы будете ... Читать далее...
28. A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good lookingA young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, «Stop making love down there!» «What’s the matter with you?» the husband said when the sailor climbed down. «We weren’t making love.» «Sorry,» said the sailor, «From ... Читать далее...
29. Значение идиомы butterflies in one’s stomach[butterflies in one’s stomach] {n. phr.} A queer feeling in the stomach caused by nervous fear or uncertainty; a feeling of fear or anxiety in the stomach. When Bob walked into the factory office to ask for a job, he had butterflies in his stomach....
30. What Not to Name Your DogEverybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog «Sex». When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said «I’d like one too.» But then I said «This is a dog.» He said he didn’t care what she looked ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы the creeps[the creeps] {n.}, {informal} 1. An uncomfortable tightening of theskin caused by fear or shock. Reading the story of a ghost gave Joethe creeps. The queer noises in the old house gave Mary thecreeps. 2. A strong feeling of fear or disgust. The cold, damp, lonely swamp gave John the creeps. The dog was so ... Читать далее...
32. Marital SexWhile making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn’t enjoy it. Though they had been married only a few years, he relflectly unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: «What happened, did I hurt you?» «Why no, not at all,» said his surprised wife. «Whatever made you ... Читать далее...
33. Bank TellerBank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, «I want to open a fucking checking account». «Please sir», she replies, «we can’t have language like that in here.» «Why the Fuck not?» he asked. «Sir,» Came her retort, «I must ask you to refrain from swearing.» «I ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы beside the point[beside the point] or [beside the question] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} Off the subject; about something different. What you meant to do is beside the point; the fact is you didn’t do it. The judge told the witness that his remarks were beside the point. Compare: BEAT AROUND THE BUSH, NEITHER HERE NOR THERE....
35. One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lostOne day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle, killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly a ... Читать далее...
36. Diary EntriesAUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. I love it here. OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red ... Читать далее...
37. Lawyers on a juryA trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with ... Читать далее...
38. It was a somber day in Disney landIt was a somber day in Disney land, Mickey And Minnie were in divorce court.. The judge was about to make his decision he said ‘Im sorry mickey, I cant grant you a divorce based on your statement that Minnie has prominant teeth» Mickey retorted » I DIDNT SAY SHE had prominent teeth, I SAID ... Читать далее...
39. Stupid people stories 02Stupid people DEADHEADS A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify. THIS WOULD BE ME The judge called the ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы do justice to[do justice to] {v. phr.} 1. To do as well as you should; do properly. Barbara had so many things to do that she could not do justice to her lessons. The newspaper man did not do justice to the story. 2. To eat or drink with enthusiasm or enjoyment. The boy did justice to ... Читать далее...